Customer Reviews (1)

A muct have for contemporary artists
I have found this book most helpful. The articles written by the various contributors is worth the price alone. The illustrations are satisfactory as most of these works are about texture.This book will be a friend for a long time. ... Read more

From the Author

Amazon.com Exclusive: Notes on Why Mars & Venus Collide by John Gray

Over the last fifty years, life has become more complicated. Longer working hours, intensified by grueling commutes and more traffic, the increased cost of housing, food, and health care, rising credit card debt, and the combined responsibilities of work and childcare in two-career families are only a few of the sources of stress in our fast-paced modern lives. In spite of the new technologies designed to connect us, information overload and round-the-clock accessibility via the Internet and cell phones have reduced much of our communication to the equivalent of text messaging. We are stretched to the limit, with little energy for our personal lives. Despite increased independence and opportunities for success at work, we are often left with a sense of isolation and exhaustion at home.

The unprecedented levels of stress both men and women are experiencing is taking a toll on our romantic relationships. Whether single or in committed relationships, we are often too busy or too tired to sustain feelings of attraction, motivation, and affection. Everyday stress drains our energy and patience and leaves us feeling too exhausted or overwhelmed to enjoy and support each other.

We are often too busy to see what is obvious. A man will give his heart and soul to make enough money to provide for his family and return home too tired even to talk with them. A woman will give and give to support her husband and children and then resent them for not giving back the kind of support she thrives on giving. Under the influence of stress, men and women forget why we do what we do.

Over the last fifteen years, a new trend in relationships has emerged linked to increasing stress. Both couples and singles believe they are too busy or too exhausted to resolve their relationship issues, and often think their partners are either too demanding or just too different to understand. Attempting to cope with the increasing stress of working for a living, both men and women feel neglected at home. While some couples experience increasing tension, others have just given up, sweeping their emotional needs under the carpet. They may get along, but the passion is gone.

Without an understanding of our different needs, men and women are adjusting their actions and reactions to no avail. Our actions may be pointed in the wrong direction. Why Mars and Venus Collide provides a new understanding and a variety of techniques you will need to counter the disruptive effects of stress and to steer a true course to a lifetime of love.

Remembering and understanding our differences are only half the battle. The other half is about action--learning to cope more effectively with stress. This book aims to help you discover new ways to lower your own stress and help to lower your partner's. Whether you are in a relationship, starting over, or single, you will discover a variety of new and practical ways to improve your communication, uplift your mood, increase your energy, elevate levels of attraction in your relationship, create harmony with your partner, and enjoy a lifetime of love and romance. You will learn why communication breaks down or why your relationships have failed in the past, and what you can do now to ensure success in the future.Book Description

Once upon a time, Martians and Venusians functioned in separate worlds. But in today's hectic and career-oriented environment, relationships have become a lot more complicated, and men and women are experiencing unprecedented levels of stress. To add to the increasing tension, most men and women are also completely unaware that they are actually hardwired to react differently to the stress. It's a common scenario: a husband returns home from work stressed out and eager to kick back on the couch and watch television. A wife returns home from work stressed out and wants to talk about it with her husband. What happens? Neither is on the same page, anger and resentment set in, and Mars and Venus collide.

Customer Reviews (4)

Read "How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking About It"Instead
While John Gray was a pioneer and a marketer, he has essentially ripped off a brilliant book and written his own 'John Gray Branded Version' of "How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It," by Dr. Patricia Love and Dr. Steven Stosny.While this may ultimately bring the message of how women and men experience fear and shame differently (stress) and the solution of compassion (and education) to a wider audience...Drs. Love and Stosny's work is as paradigm shifting and groundbreaking as Harville Hendrix's.I say, go to the original source, which is a superior effort, for which Drs. Love and Stosny deserve due credit and reward.Thanks for reading.

Very important for today's life
Stress is counterproductive to just about everything and it is no surprise to me that stress is so damaging to relationships. I found John's book to be not only interesting, but very useful. This is the right book to recommend to anyone who does not have the time, or rather does not make the time to relax and get to know the people in their lives.

Highly recommended.

I am the author of:

One Boy's Struggle: A Memoir: Surviving Life with Undiagnosed ADD

Bryan

A must read for women executives
As a leadership coach, who helps women executives win at the game of business in C-suites across Corporate America, this book has been most helpful in understanding how important the hormone oxytocin is in reducing an executive woman's stress levels.

Since the culture at most companies has been shaped over time by male executives, women are at a disadvantage when it comes to gender-based differences in communication styles and coping with on-the-job stress.Taking part in testosterone-producting activities at work can diminish a woman's oxytocin levels.

Creating a balanced lifestyle, that sustains productive energy by producing plenty of oxytocin, is the key to reducing stress levels and insuring the female executive's success both at work and at home.That's "Why Mars & Venus Collide" by John Gray, Ph.D. is a must read for all women executives.

"believers wanted! to understand the opposite sex and possibly have a greater appreciation for themselves as well."
I read this book a few days ago. Like John's other works there is a great amount of practical, common sense information in "Why Mars & Venus Collide."

I wish all men and women would read "Why Mars & Venus Collide" and do so with an open mind. As an example, one of my female friends views all of this "type" of material as "physiological-babble" which she does not find to be relevant to her and or her relationships. The fact is we argue too much, I try to be as patient and understanding as I possibly can. Since she does not "believe" in the differences of men and women in the sense John Gray intelligently lays down in his newest work "Why Mars & Venus Collide", speaking with her is like pushing the eject button on a helicopter.

The thoughts in this book ("Why Mars & Venus Collide") are well thought through and written with clear, smooth delivery. Anyone (man or woman) who will simply say to themselves, "OK. Maybe I can learn something. I am willing to read this with an open mind and am willing to be a believer...after all I have nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain."
... Read more

Amazon.com
"The magic key to health, happiness, and romance is waiting for you in your local health food store," says relationship guru John Gray, Ph.D. Not only do men and women have different communication and love styles, they gain and lose weight differently and need different diets, asserts Gray, author of the bestselling Mars and Venus series. Though he does not have credentials in exercise, nutrition, or weight management, Gray creates a program that, he claims, balances each gender's brain chemistry, resulting in health, weight loss, stress management, and romance.

Customer Reviews (55)

Discrediting
After checking this book out from the library, I purchased it so I could make notes and use it as a reference along with my select few books on health and nutrition. Pages two and three bullet point interesting ideas like how certain food combinations will put a man to sleep but put a woman in the mood. Well, if that's in the book, I haven't found it yet. What I have found is endless reference to how I will feel once on the "Mars and Venus Diet and Exercise Solution." But there is no solution, just a constant reference to it.


This book disappointed me so much because I loved the book, "How to Get What You Want, and Want What You Have." The book is about removing emotional blocks that prevent you from moving forward in life. Now that I've read this diet book, with so many questionable terms like, "cold pressed aloe vera" (what does that mean?) and his ideas about chromium, I'm ready to chuck everything. The worst part of the book for me was on food combining. He just combines everything as far as I can tell. Other books will have you not combining certain foods because they cause gas and acidity when mixed together. John Gray clearly is a novice in this field and though discovered some neato stuff in his research, should not have created his own system for others.

As for me, I've been studying health and nutrition for 25 years. I haven't been over weight in 27. I don't believe in dieting to lose weight, but I do believe in proper nutrition. At a bargain rate this book isn't worth it not to mention all the time you'll waste reading and being confused.

Mars and Venus Diet and Exercise Solution rocks!
Although the content of this book is somewhat repetitious, the suggestions for boosting metabolism and improving diet are great. I'm drinking the activated water in the morning and bouncing and shaking my way to a day with increased metabolism and energy. I'm using the Isagenix shakes in the morning as part of this program and so far so good.

Skeptic from the start
However, my husband twisted my arm and I was tired of him nagging me, so what the heck.We both started the Isagenix program a couple of months ago and I just finished reading Dr. Gray's book.Neither of us really needed to lose weight, but I have a history of depression and PMDD (I've been on meds now for almost seven years).So two months later, I'm eating my words of skepticism.I am completely off one med, weaning from another and going to work on my blood pressure and cholesterol meds next.I am an entirely new person.I feel good, I have a lot more energy, my marriage is much improved and an added benefit, I've lost 10 pounds and my clothes fit much better.Our son has anger and aggression issues and so we started him on some supplements mentioned in the book and he is a brand new kid.He quit junk food, soda and is no longer craving nor asking for it.He's eating a lot more fruits and vegetables and has not had a single episode of aggression since about a week after starting the supplements.I've done a lot more research beyond just the book and find agreement with other health professionals (holistic) that back up his statements.So, I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth.Seven years of hell with depression is enough to convince me that there must be something to it.

M & V Diet and Excercise Solution
VERY educational and scientifically based! We really benefitted from these CD's...

Effective Diet Solution
Offered a lot of good information about living a healthy lifestyle, mostly about buying products though.If you don't have a good amount of money, don't expect to stay on this diet. ... Read more

Book Description

Bestselling authors Dr. John Gray and John Selby help you discover true passion

In this original audiobook, Dr. John Gray and John Selby have designed a series of guided experiences that lead you to new heights of passion and sexual surrender.

The four guided sessions focus on: Transcending Sexual Worries; Healing Old Heartbreaks; Surrendering to Passion; and Embracing Sexual Union. These intimate guided sessions will take you on a personal journey where you can experience the freedom and joy of passionate self expression and true spiritual connection with your partner.

Sex & Spirit includes a Companion Musical Reflection CD, which will provide a soothing harmonious foundation for your inner experiences as well as a chance for personal reflection.

As with all InnerLife audio programs, Sex & Spirit offers you guided one-on-one sessions with leading experts in the field of personal growth. You will gain more valuable insight every time you listen. ... Read more

Book Description

The author of the phenomenal # 1 New York Times bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray has helped millions of men and women achieve lasting love and happiness. Now he turns his wisdom and expertise to one of the most sensitive and essential issues in a relationship: sex. In Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, he explains how we can use advanced relationship skills to keep the fires of passion burning and achieve much greater intimacy.

Romance can thrive when we accept that men and women have very different, yet complementary, emotional and physical needs. Dr. Gray shows us how we can make small but important adjustments in our attitudes, schedules, and techniques so that both partners are happy in the bedroom -- and in the relationship. From learning advanced skills for greater sex to achieving greater confidence in the bedroom, discovering the joy of quickies to rekindling the passion and keeping romance alive, John Gray has the answers for you.

Customer Reviews (62)

Very Highly recommended for committed couples
John Gray is such a delightful man, with such a correct
insight into the sexual and emotional makeups, and needs of both
husbands and wives. When you think. . . "he won't cover
that subject", the next thing you know, he is completely covering it.
After listening to this, I felt excited and energized when
I thought of how more meaningful my marriage, in or out of the bedroom might be. I will write another review after I share this with my husband.
I am getting another copy for my daughter and my son-in-law.
THANK YOU JOHN GRAY!!!

Mars and Venus in the Bedroom
Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion I purchased this audio to hear what Dr. Gray's take was on the subject of intimacy between a man and a woman. I was surprised to know that this man was previously "a man of the cloth" with an accent on "a man". I was very impress with his expertise on how to tap into each others emotions and bodies to fulfill the God given gift of sexuality. I must say that the material was sexually explicit and therefore was packaged as such. Dr. Gray spoke with much candor and experience in his field of counseling of men and women and have given me a insight on those relationships relating in marriages. I will be entering into marriage soon and will be taking this information to help me to make my marriage work.

Enhance your passion for your loved one - The Real Way
John Gray uses real, time-tested methods to greatly enhance sex for couples. By detailing the different needs of men and women during sex, you learn to break your selfish tendencies and do the right thing - focus on giving pleasure to your spouse. This will ultimately enhance your sex experience, and this will follow through to all facets of your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom. His ideas are not at all unpleasant or distasteful. His concepts ring true. This should be required reading for all couples prior to marriage.

How to keep the passion alive in a long term relationship!

This is very advisable text for many couples that for many reasons don't get full satisfaction, enjoyment and wholeness around this issue, so frequently commented but ironically discussed for the integrants of the relationship, which origins so many fettering situations that may induce to terrible and even fatal misunderstandings.

This new edition is like to establish a continuous and interactive dialogue with your doctor. Without hindrances, the author establishes basic premises and easy to follow advises that securely will enrich and renovate your sexual life.

Awesome Book
I read this book previously when I got it from the library.I couldn't believe how right the book is.It gives a lot of insight to the understanding of the female and male sexuality, and helps one to understand it all.I highly recommend this book, if you are looking to understand how the female and male body works. ... Read more

Book Description

Customer Reviews (3)

A bumpy ride
In the chapter `Torture: a modest proposal', John Gray defends judicial torture. He does so in his trademark vitriolic style which is quite contagious.
Even if the title of the book is `HERESIES against progress and other illusions', he occasionally mentions progress as something desirable. He envisions the reintroduction of judicial torture as the next step in human progress and debunks those Europeans who do not want to allow torture as being backwards and lacking a belief in progress. His jaw-dropping conclusion is that if countries resist to reintroduce torture, `they will face action to enforce regime change' (p.137).
He also states that the US has persuaded a number of `refractory' states of the wisdom of dislodging the regime of Saddam Hussein. It seems to me that in his latest book `Black Mass', he's not so sure anymore. For example, he now says that by imposing regime change, the Bush administration created a failed state. With regard to torture, I find no approval anymore. He states that the Bush administration's decision to employ torture was resisted in all the main institutions of American government, and, as before, the administration carried on with its policies. He also laments that it flouts international law on the treatment of detainees. Is Gray just being inconsistent or has he changed his mind? Maybe his ideal of a legalized torture (`terrorists have an inalienable right to be tortured') is just that, an ideal - the very thing he so despises.
Even so, he has the ability to seduce the reader into believing whatever he sets his mind on. That is until you pause to think about what he has just said. Are these the reflections of a grown-up or only musings of an obstinate adolescent?
HERESIES is highly entertaining, provocative and witty but at the same timefrustratingly biased and presumptuous. John Gray takes us on a bumpy ride indeed.

The progress of "Homo rapiens"
According to Gray, the Enlightenment cast off the shackles of one religion, only to forge replacement fetters.The new religion, based on "humanism" is called "progress".This faith rests on the notion that the human condition can be constantly and continuously improved - forever.Instead of a metaphysical paradise, the new religion proposes one that can be achieved here and now.We act, he says, in the false belief that "science" is the new divinity.With so many problems having been solved through the application of science and technology, we've come to believe ALL obstacles can be overcome.What this faith ignores, Gray warns, is the finite supply of resources our planet has to sustain this programme.

In this collection of thought-provoking essays, Gray closely and critically scrutinises the new "faith" and explains its manifestations.In a trinity of themes, he looks at "progress", "terrorism" and "politics".The "scare quotes" are necessary here, because the reader may discover wholly new definitions of these terms within these pages.With incisive wit and deep insight, he examines the dedication to "progress" - where it came from and what it means now.A careful observer, he explains that "progress" is meaningful in the process of science.In the hands of politicians, industry and modern education, it is but a superstition.The world, he says, is "suffering from disseminated primatemaia - a plague of people."In his view "Homo sapiens" has evolved into "Homo rapiens", stripping the planet of resources with little idea of the impact it's having.The plague must be curtailed like any other infection.The first step in that therapy is shedding the belief that resources are limitless and technology can replace shortfalls.

He is scornful of the "war on terror", knowing that clumsy thinking followed by clumsy action easily creates more terrorists than it eliminates.The "crusade" now under way is simply generating fresh enemies.These antagonists are perhaps even more dedicated to destruction than those who launched the World Trade Center attacks.In "Washington's New Jacobins", Gray demonstrates the fallacies of using authority and military power to impart ideologies.It wasn't successful in the French or Communist revolutions, so there's little reason for thinking it will be accomplished by the Anglo-American Axis.The evangelists of the new faith are the neo-cons in Washington and their acolytes on Downing Street ."Dr Billy Graham has joined forces with Dr Strangelove", forging a bizarre and dangerous alliance.

As a heretic against the new orthodoxy, Gray seems to be standing alone.Heretics can be destructive, but they can also provide constructive pointers.Gray's approach isn't a hysterical rant - he's too knowledgeable for that.Instead of grand, sweeping and futile gestures such as Afghanistan and Iraq, Gray seeks a gradualist approach to issues.His method requires scrutiny and understanding of the underlying conditions of any issue.The approach requires work and people to perform the tasks.Read this and find out where you can make a contribution.[stephen a. haines - Ottawa, Canada]

Not for the Faint of Heart
When I was younger I used to argue with others that belief in God was irrational and nothing more than superstition. I eventually realized that this was very upsetting to many people and stopped. Unknown to me, my own faith at the time was what John Gray calls liberal humanism, a belief that science and reason can lead to human progress. Over many years I have gradually became less sure of this. "Heresies" and John Gray's previous book "Straw Dogs" completed my disillusionment. I find he is as unsettling for me as I was for others.

John Gray is a Professor of European Thought at the London School of Economics. He has written several books on economics and modern politics and at one point was even an advisor to the government of Margaret Thatcher.

In this book John Gray brilliantly exposes the vanity and hubris of the human species and in particular the view that secular humanism is really a religion with God left out.

"Heresies" is a collection of 24 of his essays which were published in the "New Statesman" magazine during the period leading up to, during, and after the present war in Iraq. The issues he addresses are quite wide ranging, from a discussion of why liberal humanism is only a secular rendition of Christian myth, but without the idea of original sin, to the total misguidedness of the war in Iraq.

Like his other books, his writing is a model of clarity and precision in the statement of both his own ideas and the ideas of others. He has the extraordinary gift of making the reader have a revelationary understanding of what in retrospect should have been really quite obvious, but is normally hidden by the fog of humanistic ideals and a faith in the perfectibility of man.

His "Introduction" sets the tone for what is to follow:

"Secular societies are ruled by repressed religion. Screened off from conscious awareness, the religious impulse has mutated, returning as the fantasy of salvation through politics."

"Belief in progress is the Prozac of the thinking class." "...the idea of progress still pervades human culture. In the last analysis it is an assertion of faith in human will- the most absurd faith of all."

"Unlike science, ethics and politics are not activities in which what is learnt in one generation can be passed on to an infinite number of future generations. Like the arts, they are practical skills and they can be easily lost."

"The hope of a better future maybe shaky, but it is the only faith people have left. Lacking any genuine religion, they cannot accept the truth that the future will be little different than the past."

"The theistic belief that humanity has been given dominion over the world,...has been recycled as a humanist belief, that by using the power of science, humanity can escape the natural lawsthat govern all other animals."

In "Biotechnology and the Post-Human Future", he observes that some scientists believe that biotechnology can change the future course of human development and can lead to "what Lenin could only dream of becoming - an engineer of souls." But, unlike E. O. Wilson (whose writings he has a very high regard for), he doesn't share the belief that humanity can take charge of its own evolution.

In "Faith in the Matrix", he concisely outlines the premise of the film The Matrix, and sees that the main idea behind the unreal world of the Matrix is the outcome of a failed attemptto redesign the world so that it no longer contains suffering and evil. Modern governments also look to science and economic growth to achieve this for us since religion and politics have failed to rid the world of evil. He observes that if politics failed to prevent an absurdity such as the war in Iraq, what hope is there of eradicating hunger in the world. Even though technology can never be a surrogate for political action, in practice we will use it to mask problems we cannot solve.

In "When the Machine Stops", he discusses the shortcomings of the ideas of endless economic growth and globalization. Another essay discusses the absurd cult like beliefs of the cryogenics movement whose members think they can have their bodies frozen when they die to be resurrected to life again in the future. His predictions in essays on the consequences of the war in Iraq seem very prescient, but it remains to be seen whether his outlook for the future of Tony Blair will come to pass.

It is hard to argue with the reality of life as John Gray lays it out in this book, but after reading it, I was filled with a sense of gloom and pessimism about the human condition. Fortunately hope and optimism seem to be genetically programmed into the human animal and this soon kicked in again. If John Gray can live in the world as it is, then so can I.

I am not going to let my kids read this book though. ... Read more

Book Description

Customer Reviews (5)

Will engage and enrage
Some arguments:

The modern neo-liberal project to impose Western style democracy around the world (most potently in the former secular leaning Iraq) is the successor ideology to Marxism.

The neo-cons (in Washington, and formerly the now fully fledged Catholic Tony Blair in Downing Street) are willing to mendaciously deceive the public in order to achieve their ultimate goals. In the UK, Blair might not have been able to mobilize religion behind him as Bush did in the USA, but for both men their project is essentially the same: the salvation of mankind.

The USA is a secular nation by constitution but is by far the most religious of all the developed democracies. Neo-conservatism, a mixture of crackpt realism and chiliastic fantasy, could only have emerged in such a nation, where millenarian thinking prevails very strongly.

US power is not nearly as secure as many believe it to be. The country is trillions of dollars in debt and depends on the economies of numerous other states, not necessarily democratic, to maintain its economic status. The emerging powers of the world such as China do not have to kowtow to America's hegemonic postition and they realise this.

End of History arguments - the Fukuyama thesis that liberal democracy is the final, unimprovable form government and changes in states are all moving towards this state - are ludicrous. Humans do not necessarily desire democracy, rather there are many different forms of organizing human societal affairs in a functioning manner.

Washington foreign policy makers would do well to heed the words of Maximilien Robspierre to the Jacobin Club, Paris, in 1792: 'The most extravagant idea that can be born in the head of a political thinker is to believe that it suffices for people to enter, weapons in hand, among a foreign people and expect to have its laws and constitution embraced. It is in the nature of things that the progress of reason is slow and no one loves armed missionaries.'

The humanism of modern secular ideologists such as Richard Dawkins and Daniel Dennett are versions of Christian concepts. For example, Dawkins assertion that humans, uniquely, can defy natural selection laws, the tyranny of the selfish replicatiors.

With natural resources likely to become scarce as the 21st Century progresses, we can expect a large amount of geo-political struggle as nations slug it out to control resources. The 21st Century will not necessarily be more peaceful than the first half of the 20th.

Sober, pragmatic realism is the only way to conduct international relations.


The last point, embodied in the last chapter of Black Mass, was a relief to me. After being engrossed in 200 pages of scare mongering, I was wondering what Gray's final conclusion would be - complete exchange of the world's nuclear arsenals, total unravelling of the institutions of international capitalism leading to God knows what. Black Mass is not the kind of political theory book you can read with a quiet reflection - broad consensus on this point, minor disagreement on that point. It is likely that readers will either worship Gray's thinking (along with the pseudo dark philosophers of Will Self, John Banville and J.G. Ballard in the2007 reviews of the year sections) or be enraged by it (the right wing political commentators, the prosletysers of democracy, the international liberal thinkers who are enraged at the fact that women in Iran do not enjoy the same freedoms as their counterparts in the West).

In fact, with his revealing last point, a desire to reclaim the lost art of realism, Gray's book is revealed for the essentially modest argument he is making - essentially a call for clarity, for stepping back, for sober assessment of the situations on the ground before embarking on any great utopian projects. This used to be the hallmark of the Conservative party in the United Kingdom (as John Stuart Mill said, the 'Stupid Party' (meant as a compliment), the party Gray used to support. If we can escape the modern trend towards neo-con thinking (uncertain in the UK with the likes of Michael Gove gaining ascendancy in the Conservative Party), human affairs might not necessarily be doomed. The 21st Century might not necessarily be as much of a bloodbath as the last. See how things unfold.

To start with, 2008 will see a new President in the White House, and many in the US are fed up with their country's millenarian imperial pretensions. Coming assessments of how world affairs will unwrap in the coming years would do well to start with an awareness of these facts.

Secular utopias, neocons, the delusion of progress and more
This book is a fascinating look at how utopianism permeates American political thought. Gray, a British political philosopher, does an excellent job connecting this to the higher degree of religiosity in America vs. Western Europe, amongst other things. He then grounds this in Western thinking in general.

That said, while lack of prescriptions don't bother me, as I'm not a system-builder, I disagree with him somewhat at the end of the book in his take the two subjects of modern science andNew Atheism. Not totally, but somewhat. That's the only thing holding this back from a five-star review.

Anyway, he goes on to show that is religion is not at all a prerequisite for utopian thought, or political philosophy and action. Before focusing on the U.S., he devotes a chapter to Nazism and Communism and their obvious utopianisms. Nazism's utopianism may have been a more negative one than Communism; Gray witnesses Hitler's efforts to make a Nazi Ragnarok out of Germany after it was clear the war was lost. Nonetheless, it had its own utopian push.

An excellent part of the book is where Gray, in preparation for shooting down modern neoconservatism, clearly shows how the modern liberal capitalist state did NOT arise organically, but rather through massive government intervention. On page 77, for example, he refers to things like enclosures of commons that made formerly public land into private land.

He next applies that to Thatcherite Britain, showing that her political program required the same degree of muscle. In achieving the success it did, Thatcher at the same time, Gray says, wrecked the Tory Party, as it had been constituted since Churchill, as a bulwark of resistance to the social democratic state of traditional Labor.

He traces a more naturalistic utopianism back to Locke, Hume, Adam Smith and other philosophical architects of the Scottish Enlightenment. The Enlightenment in general, he notes, had a progressive view of human nature. In Smith, et al, this became embedded in their writings on what became known as economics. As I have long argued, Gray shows how Smith's "invisible hand" proceeds directly from his Enlightenment Deist beliefs. But Smith, like Hume, believed man governed by passions more than reason, an idea foreign to neoconservativism.

That said, Gray then spends a whole chapter on the development of neoconservatism, primarily in the U.S., but tracing its roots to Leo Strauss -- and others -- in their writings in Europe, whether or not they ever emigrated. He also argues that Blair is, in essence, a British neoconservative more than neoliberal, at least in foreign policy.

On Francis Fukuyama, Gray shows that the "end of history" idea, with all governments allegedly due to eventually become Western liberal democracies, is nothing less than utopianism of a secular millenialist bent. He then, referencing societies such as the Russia of Yeltsin, shows that liberal democracies are in no way teleologically bound to succeed, at least not succeed in a "Western" sense.

Much of the center of the chapter is a concise analysis of Strauss, including some degree of parallels with Nietzsche, Heidegger, Spengler and others. He faults Strauss for saying liberalism, due to its emphasis on freedom, will eventually end in nihilism. In the next chapter, he references Bush by name as showing that it is more likely to fall to some credulity-based authoritarianism. To a lesser degree, given differing economic successes, Putin's post-Yeltsin drive to authoritarianism would be another illustration.

Finally, did Strauss deliberately encourage the deception of the masses for their own good by political leaders? Gray says that is overreading him, but that it is a reading that could be tweaked out of him. And, regardless of neocons' veneration of him, Gray says that it is a political philosophy that would be anathema to him.

Starting on about page 164, Gray tackles the issue of whether the U.S. is an empire. His final answer is, in essence, "Yes, but unlike any the world has known before." He says that this is due to what countries such as Pakistan know from bitter experience: The only "alliances" we ever form (outside of NATO, and Israel) are short-term, coldly militarily based agreements, rather than long-range partnerships. Even if we keep troops in a country, he points out U.S. military bases, as are our embassies, are usually hermetically sealed against the native population. Beyond military might, dollar diplomacy is the other usual tool of U.S. empire.

Because of this, he says the U.S. simply cannot form empires in the sense of the British Raj, the Romans, the Ottomans and the Hapsburgs.

Finally, near the end of the book, Gray adds some comments on the New Atheism and utopianism. Here, I halfway disagree with him. I do agree that the New Atheism is a sort of "tar baby" reaction to Christianity in particular and Western religion in general. I also agree that it can have, as a result, some degree of utopianism itself. But, with less hubris and with modifications of the project, I don't think the goal of moving America into a more secular mindset is either unworthwhile or unachievable.

I give less credence than he does to the necessity of religion in life for many. Not no credence, but less credence. If Scandinavia, for example, can be argued to be not just secular but post-secular, it shows the project is doable. And, per the evolutionary psychology that Gray references in passing to shoot down New Atheism, a pre-religious homo sapiens once existed. There is no reason that a post-religious homo sapiens, in some way, shape or form, can't also develop.

Un-realising a "perfect" world
It's not easy categorising John Gray.He's generally listed as a "philosopher", but he rarely delves into the roots of human behaviour.His philosophy is founded on recorded history.Like most modern "philosophers", his arena is the canon of Western European tradition and practice.That approach, at least in Gray's hands, makes him more political commentator than philosopher.The shift of emphasis doesn't erode his thinking prowess nor his ability in expressing what he has derived from it. His prose is clean and unpretentious, almost hiding the power of the thinking behind it.In this exciting little work, Gray examines the history of modern "utopian" ideas - their misconceptions and their persistence.

The idea of utopias has long diverted us from confronting realities, Gray suggests.This self-generated departure tends to hide consequences of our acts until it's too late to deal with them successfully.Naturally, one of his glaring examples of this situation is the Anglo-American invasion of Iraq.Gray demonstrates how it was planned intentionally long before the causes were manufactured for it.The planning was clearly utopian in that the intentions were delusionary and inappropriate.Both governments declared their intention - based on false pretenses - to "extend democracy into the Middle East".This ambition was expressed without any perception of whether it would be welcomed.It's an underlying principle of utopian thinking, Gray observes, that a society can be re-created from within or imposed from the outside.The failure of such thinking is readily apparent in Iraq - a war that has lasted longer for the US than WWII.Utopian ideas have been seeded on infertile soil.

In explaining how the utopian idea arrived in the Middle East by way of the US-UK "special relationship", Gray skips lightly over Thomas More's original idea to the Enlightenment era.There is a link, however, in that while we are generally taught that the Enlightenment thinkers were building a secular world, they were relying on Christian precepts to expound their ideas."Improvement" was the means of overcoming disparities in the human condition, and the State could replace the Church in making beneficial change.Among other virtues of this thinking was that it seemed realisable within human timespans. In the 20th Century, a wide variety of such proposals were tried, and Gray brings Marxism, the hippie communes of the 1960s and the Fascist-Nazi movements into the same paddock.Once thought as a "Leftist" ideal, Gray is unsurprised that it is now the policy of choice of the "neo-cons" and their supporters on the "Christian Right".Yet, it seems that no matter where on the political spectrum utopians arise, they continue to commit similar blunders.The goal blinds them to the perils of trying to achieve it and utopia becomes tragedy.

It's easy to peg Gray as grim or dismal.That's a common label pinned on those who seek to have us confront reality and think more deeply about our decisions.In this sense, Gray takes a long view of the role of Christianity in Western thinking.The shift of utopia from heaven to Earth, while seeming to provide improvement, was just as likely to introduce anarchy.He compares two contemporary thinkers, Thomas Hobbes and Baruch Spinoza, in their approach to this problem.Modern liberals declare the unrestrained State as the greatest threat to freedom.Hobbes understood that anarchy was an even greater threat and government was needed to quell it.Spinoza, on the other hand, while unwilling to grant the state power to stomp on emerging anarchy, had a different proposal.Humans are part of the natural world, and turning to the state for salvation of any kind was erroneous.His realistic view was that disorder and peace are natural cycles of the human condition.We must approach this situation realistically, without any fixed or unattainable goals to repress the one to gain the other.Such simplistic thinking can never succeed.Gray has offered an exceptionally rational set of pointers on avoiding such single-mindedness.[stephen a. haines - Ottawa, Canada]

Save us from salvation
Picking up where he left off in his genuinely iconoclastic book "Straw Dogs," John Gray turns his attention to the ineluctably human penchant for utopia and apocalyptic fantasy. His style here is less abrasive but no less bracing. A British commentator recently wrote of Gray, "He is so out of the box it is easy to forget there was ever any box" - which fairly describes the intellectual jolt he'll deliver to readers dulled by boxy thinking.

The previous reviewer has done a decent job of describing the argument, but any summary misses the electricity that hums in Gray's sentences. Gray's unsparing synopsis of the neo-conservative fantasy that led to the debacle in Iraq will have patriotic Americans grinding their teeth in fury at the waste of American and Iraqi lives and the betrayal of American ideals. He also lambasts liberals who delude themselves about "inalienable" human rights, and minces no words about born-again Christians who've sanctioned and supported the torture and carnage, which leads him to a grim conclusion: "Liberals have come to believe that human freedom can be secured by constitutional guarantees. They have failed to grasp the Hobbesian truth ... that constitutions change with regimes. A regime shift has occurred in the US, which now stands somewhere between the law-governed state it was during most of its history and a species of illiberal democracy. The US has undergone this change not as a result of its corrosion by relativism ... but through the capture of government by fundamentalism. If the American regime as it has been known in the past ceases to exist, it will be a result of the power of faith." (pp. 168-169)

Gray is explicit about the folly of religious myths, but he accepts that "the mass of humankind will never be able to do without them," just as he dismisses "militant atheism" as a "by-product of Christianity," mocking its pretensions at evading the conundrums of theology. He's equally clear on the ineradicable future of terrorism. "Nothing is more human than the readiness to kill and die in order to secure a meaning in life." (p. 186) Following the bleak logic of these observations to their conclusion, he can only advocate a clear-eyed realism about the nature of human being - which he confesses may in turn be a self-deceiving hope: "a shift to realism may be a utopian ideal."

As I read "Black Mass," I couldn't help recalling the work of William Pfaff, who as a political analyst practices the realism Gray recommends, and whose fine study "The Bullet's Song" examines the "redemptive utopian violence" as it was envisioned by a rogue's gallery of 20th century artist-intellectuals. Neither of these books are comfortable reading; neither offer a panacea - because (as Gray puts it) "there are moral dilemmas, some of which occur fairly regularly, for which there is no solution."

It's December, the time of year when voracious readers start compiling their "best of" lists. "Black Mass" (despite its silly title) ranks at the top of my list for 2007.

The Delusion and Danger of Utopia
Gray's work traces the origins, and shows the evolution of the two ideas that have intertwined together to spawn the modern horrors of the French Revolution, Nazism, Communism, and which have now infiltrated the U.S. and are guiding American foreign policy, with absolutely disastrous results.

The genesis of these two ideas is due to Christianity. The first of them is that the world was soon coming to an end, and with its end, all evil would be forever banished, and a new world would emerge that was utterly good and harmonious. The second of these ideas is that history is a teleological process - it has a goal, an end point, it is moving towards something, progress is possible. This idea is derived from the Book of Revelation, which depicts the world as eventually becoming a better place with the continual destruction of evil forces.

These ideas got secularized during The Enlightenment, and give rise to the idea of a Utopia - a place where all human conflicts have washed away and everyone lives in perpetual peace. Such a place is possible because with enough knowledge will can set up a society that will not give rise to any conflicts. In other words, a perfect society is an obtainable goal, one that involves eradicating the maladies that have continually plagued our societies. Gray contends this is impossible, and this type of thinking is the danger inherent in pursuing, any and all, utopian projects.

Utopian thinking views the world/society, as the source of ills and conflicts, and not humans, and by doing so, makes human life expendable; ultimately compels the people who are under it spell to engage in violence as a means to attempt to achieve their goal. After all, what's a little bloodshed if it leads to the world becoming a heaven on Earth?

This line of thinking also precludes them from grasping the fatal flaw in their thinking - that human beings are not capable of becoming conflict-less beings; they will always possess conflicting and competing needs and values. No amount of knowledge will ever be able to make humans that mutable. And as such, people will resist having their lives radically altered by someone else's utopian scheme, and if nothing else this would prevent utopias from working, even if they were viable.

Gray goes on to explain how a left wing idea, a utopia, became embedded in right wing thinking. And also to show this utopian brand in thinking in action in the Bush administration in particular in foreign policy ventures. Instead of viewing terrorist as a security threat, he instead saw them as evil forces, whose complete annihilation would make the world a better place. Since making the world a better place is the right thing to do, anything that advances that goal is also good, it is imperative that various torture methods be adopted to achieve this end. Moreover, democracy and human rights are a good thing, so a world that has more places with these things in them, would be better, so the right thing to do would be to invade Iraq, by any means necessary (lying about the WMDs) and liberate it by force.

Overall, this is a thought, wide ranging, insightful, and interesting book about the well intentioned, but exceedingly dangerous mind set that is currently guiding U.S. foreign policy.
... Read more

Book Description
If John Gray's runaway New York Times bestseller, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus helped you understand and communicate effectively with your spouse, his brilliant new book will help your relationship become even more exciting and intimate. With Mars and Venus Together Forever you can create a lasting intimacy that will only grow richer with time. You will learn:What Makes Women HappyWhat Men Really Want How to Create a Lifetime of LoveDance Steps for Lasting IntimacyHow to Talk So Your Partner Will ListenHow to Listen Without Getting UpsetThe Seven Secrets of Long-Lasting Passion ... Read more

Customer Reviews (19)

Very insightful
In response to other reviewers, yes, this book does rely heavily on stereotypes of male and female behavior.If you find you don't fit the stereotypes (and of course not everyone does!), then you'll need to look for another book.But for many (most?) of us, the insights and advice in this book will be very helpful.As I read, I was constantly amazed by how much I could see myself and my husband in John Gray's descriptions.Last night I had my first opportunity to try out his techniques on how to prepare a man to listen...and it worked beautifully!A situation that would certainly have escalated into a hurtful argument was diffused into a calm, brief conversation that left both of us feeling warm and loving toward each other.

Grrr!
Mars and Venus Together Forever is one of the most ridiculous, stupid books that I have ever had the gross misfortune to read.I probably should have expected what I got, considering that Mars and Venus on a Date left me cold, but I read this one anyway because the original Mars and Venus book had SOME interesting insights and I'm a sucker for a cheap book.

Anyone who buys into the stereotypes promoted by John Gray must be barmy.He exaggerates, overemphasises and blusters his way through the 200+ pages - probably with the best motives in his mind - but in the end the stuff he writes is uninspiring and insipid.According to him men and women are still ruled by `ancient' traditions which dictate that women are all do-gooder types who only desire to stay at home, chatting with other women and looking at flowers whilst men are all aggressive cavemen, grunting their way through their lives with zero finesse, a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other.

I don't see how anyone, man or woman, could read this book without being annoyed.For women, the book is terribly unempowering.If you don't fit in with any of Gray's ideas about what a woman should be then you are labelled as masculine.I don't want to read a book which tells me that when I am at work I am moving towards my masculine side because being goal-oriented, competitive and efficient are male traits.It's all phooey!For men, the book is also offensive.John Gray says that men shouldn't express their feelings because it will cause a woman to lose her attraction for him.No, I don't believe that men and women are the same in all respects - there are gender differences - but in Mars and Venus these are distorted.

Overall this book is not worth your time.Underneath the waffle there may be some good points, but all of these are outweighed by the stereotypes.

JoAnne

Wordy, but accurate
Having authored my own book on meeting and succeeding with women, "From the First Date to the Bedroom, the Single Man's Official Guide to Success with Women," I can fully appreciate John Gray's work.

Whereas my book is a light-hearted approach to dating and mating from the male perspective, I will tell you that John does a womderful job in this more serious work.It is definitely worth the time to read.

Butch Mazzuca,
Author, From the First Date to the Bedroom, the Single Man's Official Guide to Success with Women,"

Close but not quite..
Interesting book.Unfortunately it really plays on stereotypes.It does have a few valuable things to say though.

Mars And Venus Together Forever.A MUST READbook.
Thisinformation is excellent in helping couples understand that things we say can be taken one way by our partner when we really mean something else.I think it will help a lot of people out there who unintentionally may be hurting a relationship while trying to communicate. ... Read more

Amazon.com
The latest tentacle of John Gray's formidable Mars and Venus octopus deals with a topic near to the heart of almost everybody--dating. With a lot of insight and common sense, Gray tackles the hard and often messy business of finding "a soul mate." Without fear or favor, Mars and Venus on a Date dissects the dynamics between men and women and the five stages each relationship must pass through: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and, finally, engagement (for marriage, of course). Even though Mars and Venus on a Date isn't The Rules by a long shot, the courtship it describes is surprisingly old-fashioned. It's chock-full of things your mother might say: "Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not really looking." "The man should never talk more than the woman." But how to know if the person you're with is your "soul mate?" Gray writes, "When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep." Which translates into, "When you know, you know."Book Description

Will I Ever Find My Soul Mate?

Customer Reviews (114)

Excellent book
This book is full of stuff I already knew but didn't know I did.After reading this book my eyes were opened.I read this book not necessarily to improve or satisfy a relationship's needs but as a player.This book is full of great ideas to satisfy a woman's needs so you can satisfy yours.Just be careful because women may fall in love with you and it will be hard to get them off your jock.

i never knew
i never learned to date.it's good to have some insight.it's opened my eyes to improving myself as a dater--and i'm seeing the fruits of those improvements.

I would be suffering if I had not read this book
This is one of those books that improved my life.

If your boyfriends or ex-boyfriends always try to guess what you think, always give in when you have a fight, and you take that for granted, this is a book for you. In my case, it helped me to understand my boyfriends who do not do these for me. It does not mean they care less. Those are typical things guys do, and it is just the difference between men and women. I recommended my boyfriend to read this book too. Initially he was skeptical, but after he read it, he thought it definitely helped especially on what to do when I am upset. It helped our relationship.


If you are a girl and have problems dealing with your female colleague, or female bosses, this book could help too. It helps me understand women's perspective better from a third person's angle. This book helped me to communicate better with my boss, especially when she was angry or grumpy. Apologize first, let her understand she has the right to be angry, and then explain or not. It worked like magic.

Awsome book.
This is an excellent book that helps a lot to manage the many challenges of the dating process. I recommend it as well as I recommned Women are from Mars and Men are from Venus.

A WORTHY READ
This could have saved me SO MUCH heartache had I known the difference between men and women when I first started dating. Even though I had brothers I had NO IDEA that they are all hardwired to see the world differently. Could have spared myself and my partners a lot of arguments and hurt feelings.

Please pass this on to anyone who is about to date. ... Read more

Amazon.com
What you want materially and what you want spiritually are both important, says John Gray, Ph.D., in How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have. "Wanting more is the nature of our soul, mind, heart, and senses," he says. As an antidote of sorts to the sometimes overly strict books of late that advocate a life of utter simplicity, he concedes that it's okay to want a big promotion or fancy car. It's also noble to want a solid spiritual life and to want to be at peace with yourself. However, he says, you need to recognize and work on the many self-defeating behaviors that may be thwarting your chances for reaching your goals. In fact, he identifies 24 typical stumbling blocks to look for.

How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have is perfect for the ostensibly successful businesspeople who can't explain why they're miserable, or people who blame their partners for their miseries instead of looking inward. It's filled with anecdotes and tools to help you achieve a fuller sense of identity. Gray says that one of the most important steps to reaching this level of self-awareness is meditation, and Gray gives dozens of stepping-off points for meditation exercises to help you ascertain what exactly it is that you want, and how to remove any obstacles--whether external or internal. Take it from a man who used to be so ascetic that he was rendered homeless but now has achieved a strong sense of self and has managed to write nine bestselling books: both spiritual and material success are within your grasp.Book Description
Here's the book to help you get what you want--and be happy with what you have. John Gray, the man responsible for helping millions of people improve their relationships in his bestselling Mars and Venus books, has written the essential guide to personal success.

Combining insights from Western psychology and Eastern meditation, he presents an innovative and proven method to become happy, confident, and at peace through four easy-to-follow steps:

Set Your Intention: Recognize where you are now and determine where you need to go in order to achieve success.

Get What You Need: Learn how to get what you need in order to be true to yourself.

Get What You Want:Create outer success without sacrificing inner happiness.

Remove the Blocks to Personal Success: Recognize what is holding you back and clear the way for both inner and outer success.

Stop living by the age-old adage "the grass is always greener on the other side." It's not. You have everything within your reach right now to live a rich and fulfilling life. How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have will help you release your emotional blocks so that you can realize your soul's desire.

There is a secret to personal success. Read this book and not only will you learn that secret, but you will be well on your way to achieving your goals.

Create the Life You Want

John Gray, the author of the Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus relationship classic, now presents a brilliantly innovative program for achieving personal success. The wisdom and techniques in these pages will enable you to fell greater joy, love, confidence, and peace.

Some wise words from How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have

Your experience of the world reflects your inner state.

Whenever you are not getting what you need, you are always looking in the wrong direction.

Find your soul's desire, and start getting everything you want.

Material success can only make you happy if you are already happy.

The power to get what you want comes from confidence, positive felling, and desire.

You have the power to change. No one else can do it for you. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (93)

The best!
One of the best book on self-help I read, and one I will keep.
I recommend it to all my friends.
The exercises are easy to understand. And then, it's up to you...

How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Personal Success
I purchased this book for a very specific piece of content. The person who recommended it couldn't remember if this content was in this book or in one of Mr. Gray's audio tapes. What I wanted was not in the book and I found the book, overall, to be just another run of the mill self-help book written in a rather sappy way.

Now a guru..please!!!
His view of God is fluffy and New Agey.His relationship books
I thought were bad enough but this book comes across as though he has some secret information about spiritual matters,,not!!
He repeats himself about getting connected with God,and to me
it sounds more like "God source" as many New Agers say,rather
than God.More like God source within you,eh,this is too much!
I agree with the other reviewer who said it's about self
promotion.Seems like that to me too.It's kind of a funny book,
ok for a good laugh I suppose but not for seriously looking
for religion or God.

Not the best, but certainly helpful.
I picked up this book because I was looking for something that would make me feel as though my life were more fulfilling. I knew a lot of it had to do with my perception of events that occur. Because of that, I had to seek out a way to help me change the way I view things. So I picked up this book, thinking it would be a big help.

And it was. John Gray does not lack detail in his description of how you can improve your life in many different ways. While I don't agree that you need all the "love tanks" he describes in order to be happy, there are some vital ones mentioned that I think are important. His techniques for filling those "tanks" are very helpful and do improve the happiness a person feels.

I gave this book 3 stars because it was unnecessarily long. He seems to write in a dull monotone and repeats a lot of his ideas as though he were writing for children that need to hear it often in order to comprehend and remember it. I skipped some unnecessary sections as I got further into the book because I started to get anxious to finish it. Certainly not the best way to end a book if the author wants to keep their reader's interest.

Get this!
I had not read the other "mars and venus" books when I picked this one up, but I became an immediate fan of his writing style.I found myself intrigued with much of what was discussed in the book, and found the parts on forgiveness especially helpful.This book will put it all into perspective for you. ... Read more

Amazon.com
Hoping to demystify the miraculous, author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are fromVenus) offers a handbook on creating "practical miracles." Havingexperienced a personal miracle when he recovered from near blindness, Gray beganto realize that humans could actually participate in creating their ownmiracles. "Miracles don't just happen for some and not for others," he notes."They occur when specific conditions are nurtured." In order to nurture theseconditions, Gray suggests living by nine guiding principles, including "Love asif for the first time," "Work as if money didn't matter," and "Relax as ifeverything will be okay."

Typical of Gray, he has narrowed his book down into concise formulas, followingstep-by-step, stage-by-stage plans and exercises. This compulsion to script histheories into neat little self-help packages is his downfall, limiting whatcould have been a meaningful and important discussion about miracle making ineveryday life. Instead, we can't help feeling that he's simply holding up abottle of his latest formula and saying, "Ladies from Venus, gentlemen fromMars, for just under $20 you too can be a miracle maker...." Nonetheless, hisheart seems to be in the right place and there are passages of impressivewisdom. Even hardcore skeptics could live a better life (and may even encountera miracle or two) by following his excellent list of guiding principles.--Gail HudsonBook Description

Practical advice from the author of the No. 1 hardcover of the last decade for filling each day with wonder,power, and fulfillment.

Awaken your power to create practical miracles so that you can adjust to life's challenges and respond with greater peace, joy, and love.

John Gray provides nine guiding principles to live by:

1. Believe as if miracles are truly possible.
2. Live as if you are free to do what you want.
3. Learn as if you are a beginner.
4. Love as if for the first time.
5. Give as if you already have what you need.
6. Work as if money doesn't matter.
7. Relax as if everything will be okay.
8. Talk to God as if you are being heard.
9. Feast as if you can have whatever you want.

Practical Miracles for Mars & Venus also presents new practical tools for taking charge of your destiny.

Customer Reviews (12)

The worst book I have ever read
I got this book because of the fame of John Gary and the big title of the book. I managed to go through half of the book and finally, I cannot stand it and throw it away.

Basically, this book gives you 9 principles to bring miracles to your life, like eating healthy, love as if it is your first love, blablablah. Yeah, it is true, but it is also totally vain and misleading. For example, everybody knows that if you eat healthy food and work out intensively four times a week, two hours each time, you will definitely be fit as supermodel. But, can anybody really do that if somebody just told you to do so? It has to be tricky to deal with like finding the right and affordable workout program, finding the incentive, etc.

What I found ridiculous is that John kept saying that if you believe in his nine principles, then you can do whatever you want. Even superman cannot do that! Well, John, have you accomplished all of your wishes in your life? Belief is necessary for any success, but it is not a guarantee for all successes.

Also, John made some metaphors to prove his points, but most of them don't make enough or any sense, at least to me. Another reason I hate the book is that it takes the first 1/3 to boast his former achievements, like 12 bestsellers, without touching the core topic of this book.

If you are looking for practical miracles in this book, I assure you that you will be practically disappointed, period.

Wonderful Nightly Reading!
I enjoyed this book but if you are a person that doesn't like John Gray then don't waste any of our time reading this book only to down it afterward.I think the book is great and being a Reiki Master I loved the section about recharging technique in which I tried and really felt the energy flowing from my elbows to my fingertips.I haven't tried connecting to the energy in this manner before and really felt the affects for a while afterward.I am going to use the technique often.

Great book for relaxing in the evening after dinner with or early in the morning when your mind is clear, it's a keeper in our house!

A Mixed Bagý
Albert Einstein's famous quote sums up the message of this book: "There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is."

A large part describes the cultural and historical changes that have taken place that now allow miracles to take place by common people - rather than by the stereotypical monks that live in the mountains.

Smashing old and limiting beliefs with inspiring and liberating ideas, John Gray provides nine techniques that'll
allow you to use these nine principles to create miracles in your life in a simple, practical manner.

One technique, however, may be a bit superficial and impractical: The Blockbuster Technique.

In this short chapter, John Gray describes a familiar way of healing: writing a mock letter to whomever you are feeling negative towards. Gray provides a chart of "blocks" that are common to most. Examples include: Resentment, Depression, Confusion, etc. Your letter should explore the feelings attached to your particular block. By exploring emotions below the "block," one can attain healing. Examples of feelings attached to these blocks: Deprived, Angry, Abandoned, etc.

I tried this with a particular person I knew at one time. My biggest challenge with this technique? I would have been up all night writing this letter. And I would have wasted an entire notebook of paper to boot!

In trying to figure what was not working out for me, I realized one's beliefs about oneself and others determine how long this letter will go on for. So rather than using this technique of letter-writing to feel better, go read something by Albert Ellis instead - and change your ideas that lead to these feelings. That way, you will not only feel better...but you will GET better. There is a big difference between those two.

Regardless of the validity of writing letters, there is one fantastic part that I love: this book will teach you the
exact technique behind energy healing.

Yes, the mysterious stuff "those spiritual people" have used to create miraculous healings. Whether these techniques work or not, I cannot say - I still need to start applying them myself. These are not ideas that you grasp in an hour, however. There are three separate exercises involved with energy: Recharging, Decharging, and Natural Energy Healing. Each one has separate instructions, and John encourages you to take baby steps
and learn these concepts gradually.

John Gray has the background for this, too. From my hazy understanding of him, before he got his Ph.D. in psychology and created the Mars-Venus craze, he was a monk for nine years. His story of how he healed his own blindness is described in the book as well.

A great book: liberating, practical, and useful. Most important, if you've always wanted to learn how to heal yourself and others via meditation, touch, and energy, you must read this book.

An Inspiration
This book is great, no matter what your stage of life.If you are ready to change your life and learn more about yourself and others, this book was meant for you.Miracles are possible.

Not Worth the Time
I skimmed John Gray's "Practical Miracles for Mars & Venus," but couldn't stomach the hype.The first 150 pages are about the power of positive thinking and of belief in miracles.(Gray claims that the world has matured to the point that miracles are now available to anyone, at any time.Democracy and religious tolerance are two of the enabling changes.)Gray then sketches some simple techniques for physical and emotional healing: eat right; breath deeply; use a Chi Gong exercise to "recharge healing energy" and "decharge excess or negative energy" (or stress and negative thoughts); imagine that people have treated you better than they actually did; write yourself a letter expressing your frustrations; cultivate gratitude, confidence, joy, etc.; envision the world you want; believe in yourself and your power to heal.I gather that the techniques are more completely described in Gray's "How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have.""Practical Miracles" reads like an ad for Gray's seminars, or like a verbatim trancript of a stage presentation.(On page 239 he says "Now I have written twelve bestsellers and tend to be a speed writer. ... After many years of developing my thoughts, it takes me only a few months to write them down and create a book.")Positive thinking is all well and good, but the seminar must be more inspiring than the book. ... Read more

Amazon.com
Psychologist John Gray (he of Men Are from Mars... fame) cites a need to shift from "fear-based parenting" (a punitive and oppressive approach to child rearing) to "love-based parenting" (which accepts children's desires and negative emotions while still setting reasonable limits). With child and teen violence increasing, rampant low self-esteem, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and attention deficit disorder, he says, "the Western free world is experiencing a crisis in parenting. Almost all parents today are questioning both the old and the new ways of parenting. Nothing seems to be working."

He suggests "Five Messages of Positive Parenting" that will facilitate such a shift:

1. It's okay to be different.
2. It's okay to make mistakes.
3. It's okay to express negative emotions.
4. It's okay to want more.
5. It's okay to say no, but remember mom and dad are the bosses.

Although his parenting philosophy is not necessarily revolutionary (think "positive discipline"), Gray manages to keep this parenting primer contemporary by weaving in specific challenges of new-millennium families--such as our tendency to be consumer-driven and overscheduled. "When parents learn what their children really need, they are less motivated to create money to acquire things and more motivated to create time to enjoy their family," Gray writes. "The greatest wealth for a parent today is time." --Gail HudsonBook Description

In his travels, lectures, and seminars, the book John Gray has been most often asked to write is a parenting book. After years of serious thought, workshops, and practical applications, John Gray has created a brilliantly original and effective system that he calls positive parenting, for children of all ages, from birth though the teenage years. Completing the notion that Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, he adds. . .and Children Are from Heaven.

John Gray has discovered that children today do not need to be motivated by fear of punishment. Instead, they can easily be motivated by reward and the natural, healthy desire to please their parents.

Children Are from Heaven covers the different skills of positive parenting to help improve communication, increase cooperation, and motivate your children. Central to this new approach to parenting are the five positive messages your children need to learn again and again:

• It's okay to be different

• It's okay to make mistakes

• It's okay to express negative emotions

• It's okay to want more

• It's okay to say no, but remember mom and dad are the bosses

When these messages are put into practice--and John Gray shows you how--your children will develop the necessary skills for successful living: forgiveness of others and themselves, sharing, delayed gratification, self-esteem, patience, persistence respect for others and themselves, cooperation compassion, confidence, and the ability to be happy. With this new approach, you will be allowing your children to develop fully during each stage of their growth.

John Gray's reassuring message is that children are from heaven and they already have within themselves what they need to grow. Your job as a parent is to support that process. By applying the five messages and different skills of positive parenting, your children will receive what they need to become more cooperative, confident, and compassionate.

Customer Reviews (42)

Children Are From Heaven
This book is a must read for all parents, grandparents, and any child care providers. This book had many positive skills that I was able to implement easily and effectively. I was amazed by all of the "right" things I was already doing and now I have many new ideas and skills I can hone to help me be a better parent.

Great Insights
This author strikes to the core of positive parenting. Parents and grandparents, and anyone who works with children, should read it several times and use it as a reference.

I gave a copy to each of my adult children , all of whom are parents, and I have read it twice.

Gave my days as a stay at home mom of 3 some peace
I agree with some of the other reviews that the book was a little repetitve, but I did not mind. I have a 8, 4, & 2 yr old. They are all so different in what they need and what motivates them. This book really helped me to realize what each of them really needed to feel happy and loved. I never realized how much my oldest was NEEDING more affirmation and one on one time. He has always been the big helper and the one I could count on to help him self. In the book Dr. Gray talks about the age of when a child should still be, and feel like he is completely taken care of, and I was suprised. I may have been asking way too much of him. My son was exhibiting signs of ADHD and was eventually diagnosed. Implementing these positive messages I have been able to take him off of medication and I have such a wonderful relationship with him now that I feel will continue through out his teen years. This book reviews common, well intentioned lectures and plans that some of us parents come up with and what they may be doing- (the opposite of what you intented them for) I was most certainly guilty of it. The plans seem to really open up the kids and bring out an extra ounce of joy to their smile.
Obviously, I recommend it. Especially if your children may seem frustrated, distracted, and you think you have done everything the right way- read this book and give it another try. I hope that it will bring you this much peace. God bless.

Other folks have said it better
This book is a nice stepping stone for understanding.His explanations are so broad!Mabey thats his intent though.
I feel that Kolbe Concept or Keirsey Temperament sorter are better sources to understanding your children.Having actual personality assesments done would be more accurate.
Confucius stated; "The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home"So ANY book about kinder/wiser parenting is good.
Good book to get you started at better parenting.

Good Ideas, Not Much Follow-Through
You can get the main ideas of this book by reading the back cover, the introduction, or even the table of contents.The rest of the book is very repetitive, with lots of fluff.It's unfortunate, because Gray's message about parenting is an excellent one, and very important in an age where too many parents are neglecting this important aspect.

Instead of this book, I recommend How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish.It is full of practical tips and exercises to help you communicate with your children in a way that is respectful, instructive, and helpful.It will help you build relationships with your children that will bring you all closer together, at the same time as it helps your children develop reliability, compassion, and initiative.It has transformed our family and I recommend it to everyone I know. ... Read more

Book Description

From the bestselling author of the blockbuster Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You & Your Father Don't Know comes this enlightening exploration of the common differences between men and women that brings valuable insights to the workings of male-female relationships.

Real love is unconditional.  People are different.  These are two statements with which most adults would agree.  Yet, while recognizing that we are different is an essential part of creating a positive and loving relationship, many of us are instead intent on changing our partners so that they act and react more like ourselves.  According to Dr. Gray, unconditional love is not possible without the recognition and acceptance of our differences.  It is only through respecting and even appreciating them that we can eliminate many of the problems that plague our relationships.

Overcoming differences such as those found in how men and women communicate, how they cope with stress and deal with conflict resolution, as well as what it means to each gender to feel loved, is a major step toward giving of ourselves unconditionally, and achieving happiness and fulfillment in our relationships.  Each of us is unique - stop denying it and start celebrating it!  It's the very essence not only of a loving and mutually supportive relationship, but of a better world for us all.

 

Customer Reviews (23)

Not all new info, but still a good read ....
I've read several of the M/V books and this one isn't all new info, but it did help me to understand some basic differences in men and women.I wouldn't put it at the top of the list of must-reads, but I think overall, it's worth your time.

Thank you for this book!!!
I would recommend this book to anyone who needs help communicating with, or is filled with resentment toward, their spouse. I would also get a highlighter out and start using it at the begining! I laughed over and over again while reading this book because it was truly as if the author was speaking directly to my husband and I! I never thought it would be THAT good, but it was! Things are so much better now, but it takes practice so this book remains on our shelf for later reference!

Very enlightening
First time reading any of Dr. Grey's Venus and Mars books. This was excellent.Both my husband and I gained a tremendous amount of insight as to mind of the opposite sex and how we relate to different situations.I highly recommend it, especially if you are having trouble understanding how your partner does what she/he does.

Must read for all young people
Anyone even thinking about love and marriage must read this book!It will prepare them for what is ahead in their lives; not just blue sky, lovey dovey stuff!

Practical and Insightful
Rarely does a book do such a good job informing the reader in a way that can change lives. John Gray helps the reader understand there are inevitable differences between men and women and the key to success in relationships is to understand and navigate those differences rather than to try and change or ignore them. I also highly recommend Men in Marriage: Straight Talk For Men About Marriage: What Men Need to Know About Marriage (And What Women Need to Know About Men)by Marty Friedman.

... Read more

Book Description
The rules of relationships have changed.

In our generational movement toward wholeness, women want to be more than mothers and homemakers and men aspire to loving relationships rather than simply being warriors and work machines. The age-old distinctions between male and female roles have blurred, and the rules of relationships have not yet caught up, creating confusion and frustration.

Our parents couldn't teach us what they didn't know. As children, the lessons we learned from the adult relationships around us did not prepare us for our current adult love interests and challenges. Today, men and women expect relationships to enhance the total quality of their lives, meeting both their practical and emotional needs. And, when the need for individual fulfillment clashes with the desire to have a lasting relationship, couples often resort to divorce.

With the extensive experience gained through his seminars, Dr. Gray has discovered several keys to happiness within relationships and shares this information with listeners. Through the development of relationship skills that address contemporary needs of individuals and couples, John Gray offers practical ways to enjoy and celebrate the differences between men and women and create long-lasting, fulfilling relationships.

Read by the author.

Customer Reviews (15)

Brilliant
Every thing I read from John Grey was just great. This is no exception.

It is really a must for every one to read it! It teaches you how to interpret a man's behavior vs. a woman's. It is a quick read but gives you a lot of information.
When I began reading the book I was discouraged, my first thought was, does he want to discourage women from working outside home? but I kept on reading and no he doesn't do that... just read it!

Advice for normal couples
This popular psychology book is aimed at a specific (though large) audience.Per the Jungian Myers-Briggs, there are different psychological types.One difference is Sensate (detail/here & now-oriented) vs. Intuitive (big picture & future-oriented).About ¾ of Americans are Sensate & will probably enjoy Gray's writing--with numerous specific phrases/do's & don'ts to help couples (esp. in 2-income families) relate better & translating psychological terminology into everyday language (e.g. a man's "feminine side" vs. anima).Unfortunately, there's no index for finding a specific situation.He states that couples are unprepared for recent changes in marital "job descriptions"--old assumptions don't work anymore.Much of his "advanced relationship skills" are insightful & useful: rather than blaming a man for not doing a task, "ask repeatedly as if it were the 1st time, "When a woman is emotional, any attempt on a man's part to explain the correctness of his point of view is taken as invalidation," role reversal, & re-parenting yourself.The author primarily depicts interactions with his wife (thus, no bibliography).Intuitives may find this book very repetitious (which the author explicitly admits) & might prefer Deborah Tannen's books on inter-gender communications (i.e. "That's Not What I Meant" & "You Just Don't Understand").

The Myers-Briggs also differentiates Thinkers/Feelers--Americans are 50:50, but ~2/3 of men are Thinkers & 2/3 of women are Feelers.People often confound this with gender differences.The author seems to assume the Normal case: male Thinker/female Feeler--explicitly stating that his observations don't apply to everyone.I suggest you consider Myers-Briggs types: for a Feeler man & Thinker woman, the book might still work--in reverse; if both man & woman are the same type, it will need adjustment to work.I suggest that you are neither your thoughts nor your feelings--you just have them.Gray's approach is rational, aimed at conscious efforts rather than unconscious psychological processes (e.g. complexes & archetypes--see Jean Bolen's "Goddesses in Every Woman" & "God's in Every Man"--some women identify with Mother vs. Wife archetype.Also, Moir & Jessel's "Brain Sex" discusses physiological gender differences in the brain.Gray employs traditional (anti-feminist) stereotypes but is quite idealistic: p. 424 "No one in their heart of hearts really wants to withhold & punish"--vs. M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie."Some may find Gray a bit contrived: ~a co-worker of mine set clocks 5 minutes ahead to improve punctuality which just wouldn't work for me.Since this book could help most readers, I'm compromising on its score.

The Horror
I found this in a Colfax gutter, roaming around at 1 AM... God is it awful... It may be useful if your the sort who enjoys "Everybody Loves Raymond", and models your behavior after that buisness, but if your a resonable person, this little text is absurd. It makes Tennseee Williams' charecters seem like well adjusted adults... Go buy a Leonard Cohen album instead... Useful only if your striving to live a midling existence, or land your self on that Dr. Phil degenerate's show.

This ISfor men as well!!
I am responding to the very negative review on this website - written by a man.- He seemed to think it would be only useful for women!!My husband is reading this book (from our local libary) and is so impressed with it that he asked me to get into your web site and purchase a copy!I am amazed at how it is helping him to understand himself and, after nearly 40 years of marriage he is now able to understand how to communicate more effectively with me.

This could save your relationship...
If you are having any conflict in your relationship (and if you are breathing, you do) then this book can help you through some of the struggles.The beauty of it is that it helps you understand the other sex's perspective, wants, needs, and emotions...something that I wouldn't have been able to do in a thousand years without the help of John Gray.It is also amazing in that it helps you know and understand that, just because your spouse or significant other acts in a certain way that is undesirable or seemingly unloving, it is not because they don't love you, it is because that is simply the way they have been programmed to think and act since the beginning of time.John Gray also gives concrete steps and actions to take to help us work around some of the natural instincts that may be creating friction in our relationships.This book is truly worth its weight in gold....I have already sent 4 copies to the most important people in my life.
HOWEVER, there are certain caveats to my recommendation (that do not diminish the book's worth or importance).John Gray writes for the lowest common denominator.I agree with the reader who said that she couldn't stand his writing style.It is certainly not for everyone, as it can be a bit repetitious, and his use of analogies is mind-numbing.Men especially won't be able to look past the "cheezy" writing style. There is no way I am getting my husband to read this. However, it is most definitely worth slogging through, I just wish that John Gray would take his own advice and realize that Men are From Mar, Women are From Venus, and the same communication and writing style won't necessarily work for both. ... Read more

Book Description

Customer Reviews (28)

A scintillating book, if read with an open mind
John Gray is a classic iconoclast.This book presents a collection of his thoughts on many of the aspects of modern "civilization" and, in so doing, offers explanations for what seems to be its myriad of contradictions.

This book is not for the overly sensitive or optimistic. Rather it presents the author's hard-minded but realistic conclusions on the limitations of man, and the societies he has engendered.Such fictions as man's inherent rationality, continuous strides toward constant progress, and effortsd to be reasonable and compassionate are challenged repeatedly, and successfully if one only bothers to look at society in an objective rather than a wishful, wistful sense.

Dr. Gray's writing style is clear and easily read if the reader doesn't try to absorb too many ideas in one session.The book leaps from topic to topic on occasion without sufficient conncting thoughts.For this reason, I did not afford the book a five-star rating.I greatly enjoyed the numerous quotations and references to other authors, and the compendium of notes at book's end.

Today's troubled times demand clear reflection, and this book's text will afford hours of that, if the book is read without letting prior prejudices interfere with what the author has to say.I could not agree with everything the author postulates, but I urge the reader to avoid the prejudices toward the Enlightenment and humanism evidenced by many of the other reviews, and criticized by Dr. Gray.

I recommend this book very highly, both on its own merits and as an introduction to other philosohical and historical works.Anyone willing to exercise the mind will truly enjoy this work.

Provocative, Stimulating, but Ultimately Gray's Nihilism Is Unconvincing
Sharp thinker John Gray argues that the Christians and secular humanists have got it all wrong. Their shared belief that humans are on the center stage of history, that we are distinct from animals, that we are moral beings, and that, whether through God or science or the power of reason, we are progressing toward utopia and perfection is a grotesque illusion. In fact, Gray argues, we are helplessly irrational, immoral, and doomed to destruction as our "rapacity," the very quality that makes us succeed and flourish, is the same quality that will result in our extinction. Gray claims that we are doomed because we are the earth's "parasites" and our overpopulation and misguided technology will destroy us.

Gray lays out three philosophies of life and I inferred that we must choose from one of them: the religious believer, the secular humanist, or, like Gray, the Darwinian nihilist. The former two, as I wrote earlier, are according to Gray mired in the delusion that we are moral and distinct from animals. Then there is Gray's belief that we are nothing more than animals, living out our instincts. But I reject Gray's choices. I argue that one can be a Weary Humanist, one who is not deluded by our irrational impulses and general limitations but one who finds meaning by struggling to alleviate cruelty and suffering. Gray says we should give up our struggle to be moral because our "morality" is a delusion. While I admire Gray's intellectual rigor, I cannot embrace his nihilism. Like Gray, I will acknowledge our human flaws, but he did not convince me to give up my struggle to be more moral and to cultivate compassion.

In the end I must give Gray the full max of 5 stars because his fascinating book took me down a concise tour of philosophy, Darwin, science, and made me examine my beliefs. I would rather read an original challenging book like Gray's that I don't completely agree with than some trite collection of homilies. My hats off to Gray for writing something so original and provocative.

Human yes, Only human no.
It's not that I don't recommend it. I think we should all explore every aspect of humanity. It's our species afterall. However, I find the lack of soul in this otherwise intellectually spun thought. The missing element is that which we do not see. The human is not controlled by the beast alone (at least the ones I like to accompany). I tried and fought hard but the eternal optimist in me had to work hard to get through it. I am a monkey. But I am a monkey that is headed toward succumbing to the whims of my soul and not the animal. Entering the age of Galactic awareness, we must leave the vessel to lesser tasks and not lend it so much weight. This will be our memory past. I hope.

among the worst argued books ever
A short review in the Melbourne newspaper The Age in November 2003 prompted me to buy this book. Gray, according to this review,
"excoriates the `false comforts' of religion, environmentalism and humanitarianism.... At just under 200pages, it's too short to sustain its own arguments but could certainly start a few fights."
The truth is, the book is an unreadable one for anyone mildly erudite. It is not a matter of the book not being long enough (as The Age reviewer wrote) to sustain its arguments. By page 58 I could read no more. Why?

To quote Gray: " Plato's legacy to European thought was a trio of capital letters - the Good, the Beautiful and the True. Wars have been fought and tyranies established, cultures have been ravaged and peoples exterminated in the service of these abstractions." pp. 57-58.

Gray's problem is: Plato NEVER wrote on the Good, Beautiful and True, the philosopher who did was Plotinus in his Enneads, written around 600 years AFTER Plato. There is no recorded war over a philosophical or religious position in the Greek world (Classical/Hellenistic/Roman) - that idea is anathema - though wars, for a multitude of other reasons, were endemic. The only law in Greek society before Christianity was that it was illegal to deny the divine. Plotinus eventually came to be adopted by the Arabs, who in Arab fashion paraphrased it and renamed the Enneads "The Theology of Aristotle". This garbled Arab misrepresentation entered Catholic (-cum-Protestant) Europe. Rewritten for Christians and founded on Jewish-based Christian principles found in the Bible that demand the killing of the those who worship other gods and hold other beliefs (Deuteronomy 7.1-6,Exodus 22.20, Deut. 18.10-12, Exodus 23.32-33, etc, etc), any Christian killings committed on behalf of Christ have nothing to do with either Plato ,Plotinus, or the Greeks at all.

Having blamed Plato , Gray claims that Plato's ideas were a consequence of the alphabet; that his ideas could not have been represented in Sumerian pictograms (p. 57 - never mind that they have not yet been deciphered! Only the cuneiform has!) or Chinese script (p.57), and thus would not have been thought of(!). Gray claims that pictograms & script of the kind used for Chinese is not capable of engendering abstract thought, a bewildering claim because any writing is a symbolic abstraction of a sound (word) represented visually. Writing is an abstraction. He concludes: "Europe owes much of its murderous history to errors of thinking engendered by the alphabet." (p.58). This begs the obvious question: what explains war in pre-literate societies? As for the Greeks, he faces another problem, the pre-alphabetic Mycenaean Greeks who fought at Troy wrote in the syllabic Linear B; that is they waged war in a pre-alphabetic society.

On science he writes about, among other subjects, Galileo. Galileo, he claims, succeeded with his line of pursuit, not because of"scientific method", "but because he was able to represent the new astronomy as a coming trend in society", and that "he wrote in Italian" (p.21). Somehow, Galileo's earlier scientific achievements, like laws governing falling bodies, reached by the scientific method experiment,do not count... Obviously then Gray would also be unaware of the Greek Christian author from AlexandriaPhiloponus, 1000 years before Galileo, whose experiments were copied by Galileo to prove the physical laws governing falling bodies.
This book is an exasperating read. The kinds of criticisms that can be levelled against this book are monumental. This review does not even begin to address its shortcomings.Those who praise it demonstrate only that their intellectual poverty does not equip them to appreciate those insurmountable shortcomings.

interesting thesis but not well written
i feel like i want to agree with John Gray, because i am an atheist, a sceptic and a naturalist; and i don't consider myself a humanist. maybe the rating of a review shouldn't be about whether the reviewer agrees with the thesis or not, but about whether a book is well-written or not. if that's is the case, then this is not the sort of book i expect coming from an LSE professor. in my opinion, the book maybe at the level of a good master's dissertation or a below-average PhD thesis. the two main reasons are: 1. Gray hasn't done any original research, proposed any original idea, nor any coherent alternative view; 2. He merely collects quotations of other sources. i am especially critical of the latter. almost every other page has a quotation from a book or an article. i doubt that Gray himself allows his undergraduates to submit essays written in this form. having an interesting idea alone is not enough. (the three-star is given forthe reasons i write above)

now back to his thesis. i feel that very often, we are asked to accept something 100% or to disagree with it 100%. i agree with Gray's anti-humanism almost fully. he attacks almost every field of knowledge, thoughts, industries, etc human beings have ever achieved. but still we are no different from other species. even this, i can almost agree. it seems that Gray's arguments are rational, eventhough he attacks rationalistic ideas as well. however, a quick observation of the natural world suggests that we are a special kind of animal. the simple fact that Gray can write a book exploring our own thoughts regarding our positions in the natural world may suggest there is something unique to the human species. what seems to be unique to our species is that we can think about thinking, and we are conscious about consciousness (however tenuous consciousness is).

i am not suggesting anything supernatural and i don't want to go near any religious prejudices of human's unique status. but i am not so sure Gray has dealt with this question satisfactorily; namely, despite all what Gray claims seem to be correct, the obvious appearance is that even if we are animals, we are unlike any other species. i am not saying this just because i happen to be a member of the species. i do believe that if ETs were observing us, they would find that human beings are by far very unique compared to other species. if history is meaningless and we are unable to control our destiny, and if Gray is completely correct, our delusions are also completely natural and animalistic; why attack outselves for that?

i still think Gray is correct. however, the unfortunate thing for us is that we are that species ourselves. what are we to do? now the truth has been hammered to us, we can't formulate a new delusion to cover our past delusions. should we just read Gray, agree with him, and then just forget about it and continue with our deluded ways?

(3-star for a not-well-argued thesis; 4-star for an interesting idea; 5-star for making us more lost than ever) ... Read more

Book Description
IEnlightenment's Wake stakes out the elements of John Gray's new position. He argues that all schools of contemporary political thought are variations on the Enlightenment Project--the Westernizing project of a universal civilization--and that this Enlightenment Project has proved self-undermining and is now exhausted. Fresh thought is needed on the dilemmas of the late modern age. ... Read more

Book Description
John Gray is one of todays most brilliant, bestselling and controversial political thinkers. This new collection examines him from a variety of stimulating angles.

His work is much cited and discussed within political and social theory, but he also has a much wider audience, being one of those quite rare creatures in British academic life, a public intellectual, writing regularly for the quality press and appearing on both radio and TV. His books sell in large numbers. As evidence of this broader appeal outside academe, his recent book Straw Dogs (which reached the top five in The Sunday Times best seller list) was very widely reviewed in broadsheets and weeklies. It was extravagantly praised by Will Self and chosen by novelist, Monica Ali as her book of the year.

This volume, comprising original contributions from a number of distinguished political theorists, in addition to a reply by Gray himself, will be the first book to review systematically the general significance of his work.

It will be of immense interest to all those interested in current political theorizing, and willing to think afresh about the political challenges facing the modern world. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (1)

Emotional Communications--4+ stars
This is a fun pop-psych book with some valuable insights, techniques for releasing negative feelings in relationships, & 100 author-drawn illustrative cartoons.It's a very fast read.His basic premise is that TACT p. 112: "Telling the Absolute Complete Truth" will free you from negative emotions.If you repress them instead, you experience p. 120: "The See Saw Effect--When we push down a feeling, it comes up in our partner."This is an interesting take on projection & repression.The 3 methods to deal with these emotions are:
--Duplication: commonly known as mirroring-repeating what your partner says, ~active listening & role playing
--Anger Process--talking to yourself as if you were another person--calling yourself "you" in a mirror & expressing: 1. anger/blame--, 2. what you want, 3. positive/loving/supportive statements.
--Love Letter Technique--writing letters containing: 1. anger/blame, 2. hurt/sadness, 3. fear/insecurity, 4. guilt/responsibility, 5. love/forgiveness/understanding/desire & reading them to each other.

I think these are valuable in clearing out negative emotions in relationships, but there are assumptions affecting their applicability.Gray assumes love & goodness are underneath surface problems--clearing out anger etc. will reveal this.He is not addressing M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie."Indeed, I think he's addressing people neither too undeveloped or too advanced.For example, Tibetan Buddhism has techniques to advantageously transforming emotions & Freud addressed sublimation.See Thubten Chodron's "Working with Anger" or Pema Chodron's works (e.g. "No Time to Lose").Gray aims at couples/pairs not separate individuals.He assumes they have strong emotions needing expression--more extroverted than introverted--but employing his methods may expose hidden neuroses & complexes.Thus, his techniques are valuable at the Level of Abstraction he's addressing herein.

He also provides some valuable insights worth repeating:
p. 196: "Many people confuse submission with love...A sure-fire way to kill the love in a relationship is to sacrifice your wants & needs in order to be loved by someone else.When you stop caring about yourself & your needs, there are no longer 2 people in the relationship.It's hard to be interested in nobody."
p. 213: "When your heart is filled with love, life is like a big vacation" = Western Nirvana?
Of the cartoons, my favorite shows fishing for compliments from the love boat.Hilarious!
IMHO it's useful to realize that, like your thoughts, you have feelings, but you aren't your feelings. ... Read more

Book Description
A useful and breakneck tour of the perils of modernity. (Toronto Globe and Mail) ... Read more

Customer Reviews (14)

great company
the book is being used as a text for our daughters history class so i cannot comment on the book but Amazon is terrific .. i messed up this order and they were so good ,,,they fixed it and were so pleasant thanks

for stimulation and fresh thinking
Gray's provocative essay is most valuable as stimulus and for questioning several increasingly `orthodox' presumptions about modernity and, secondarily, Al Qaeda (and nation states as well). Diverse reactions well reflect how he has gotten `under the skin' of varied readers and thinkers. Like many good essays this becomes a personal discourse for each thoughtful reader and may not be expected to achieve endorsement in toto by any one of them.

Al Qaeda is `modern' in its instruments from the internet and bank transfers to bombs. It reflects rather less than detractors wish that is in any way traditionally Islamic. Bin Laden has no training for Fatwas; old theories are warped to provide rationalization for what few Muslims believe to be Islamic; the real enemies are within the Muslim world but propped up by the "Far Enemy" in the West. Jihad is defensive not world conquest, attacking the foreign because it is so influential locally in the Muslim world not because of hatred for George's "our way of life". It is not a "clash of civilizations" satisfying and simplistic in its denial of Western political and economic interventions and totally blaming a medieval "other". There is logic to asymmetric warfare - perhaps more than response with an air force and occupation of Iraq.

Modernity is not a destination or even a journey but only a direction claiming logic and rationality belied by the realities of globalism, capitalism, and science.

Toleration is not uniquely western or modern but has ancient and Muslim roots as well. A most educated and democratic state of Germany elected Hitler. Labels obfuscate and provide excuses but not understanding. (See how some try to score points by calling Islamists "Islamo-fascist" at the very same time as describing medieval dark age mentality and rage.) Turkey is more secularist than the United States. Repressed religion encourages secular cults. Ironies and paradoxes can teach - or at least make us think freshly.

Market pricing, positivism, and the Enlightenment are but a few items grist for Gray's mill. He is both frustrating and provocative - but rarely dull.

A quotation from Wittgenstein reflects the premise that science and modernity do not have all the answers, "When all possible scientific questions have been answered, the problems of life remain untouched." (page 110)

Modern horrors
Is the title of this book misleading?Clearly the emphasis of the book is on 'what it means to be modern' and 'Al Qaeda' is only used sparingly (but in my opinion very tellingly) to illustrate the main thesis.Thats not to say the title wont shift more copies with Al Qaeda in there, but if you're an intelligent and open-minded reader then you should come away from this book having been presented with a novel perspective on the modern world and having learnt something new, or at least a new argument, about the underlying nature and rational of a truly modern and global terrorist movement.Gray spends a lot of time arguing that Islamism is a product of a way of thinking that did not exist pre-enlightenment, and it seems most reviewers are focusing on this part of the argument.But to me, the more interesting (and convincing) arguments here concern al qaeda's existance as a product not only of modern thinking but of globalisation ie their ability to exploit failed states, global communications such as the internet, and of the international movement of people, money and arms. Thus the meaning of al qaeda is placed within the framework of the world view presented in 'straw dogs' - rather than technology and globablisation marching the world forwards into an era of democracy and peace, they will simply continue history along its usual course of conflict and suffering, only yet more bloodily

Some interesting ideas
Yes, plenty of the material in this book is simply stupid.But there are also some good points.

What are some aspects of modernity?Well, we're technologically better off than we were just a few centuries ago.And getting there has involved scholarship, progress, and cooperation.I think that recognizing that truth is an inherent value has sparked much of the progress.Now, truth can be used as one of the weapons in the arsenal of a tyrant, and it can result in acquiring the ability to cause more carnage in wars, but the triumph of Untruth would get rid of all the progress we've made.

The author discusses Positivism quite a bit, and I see no reason to do this.Positivism focuses on empirical truth, so it isn't the problem.We know empirically that people can make errors, so having faith that those who seek truth will be free from error is ill-advised.It seems to me that Gray is ready to attack and discard Positivism simply because it might lead to error.But that would also get rid of scholarship and progress.

Well, given all this, why am I giving this book a, um, positive review?

I think Gray does make a few interesting points.He does point out that Polytheistic Greece and Rome allowed for the fact that humans are varied, and did not insist on a single way to salvation.And he does point out that a Christian myth is precisely that there is one and only one way to salvation for everyone.

While I think Gray is attacking a ridiculous straw man to say that advances in science do not always advance humans socially, he's right about that.Still, I want to emphasize that his overall point seems wrong: if we were to address social problems in a more scholarly manner, I think we'd probably be better off, not worse off.

Now, what about al-Qaeda?Gray interprets it not so much as a blast from the past, populated by reactionaries representing a Dark Ages religion.Instead, he sees it more as an outgrowth of a more modern religious belief, shared by the German National Socialists, that our salvation lies in genocide.Perhaps that is an extreme way to put it, but this is approximately what Gray says.And I think there may be some truth to this.Maybe German extremism in the 1930s, along with its propaganda, ought to be compared more carefully with Islamist extremism today, along with its propaganda.

One final point that Gray makes is that there is a connection between terrorism and .... something.But what?Poverty?Despair?Bad karma?Gray looks at the question of failed states.Strong, stable, representative, and healthy states are less likely to sponsor terror, and they're certainly less likely to produce it.Gray thinks that the best environment for producing terror is semi-anarchy.We ought to think about that as well.

A new angle
As, once more, I am by far not the first to review this volume, and most worth saying has already been stated, let me just add a brief praise.
Gray has, once more, given us an excellent analysis of a highly pertinent issue. He invites us to take a look, from a very different and new angle when compared to mainstream media and authors, at fundamentalism, US policies, and globalisation in general.
To read this book is time well spent. ... Read more