Product Description

Customer Reviews (11)

Oustanding, a must for all who have lost parents
i had a difficult relationship with my mother.i adored her and loved her but she could not express herself and could not stand up for me on certain issues that were important to my survival.she passed away two and a half weeks back after fighting cancer for three years...reading this book has really helped me and given me the courage to go on
i feel free now to go ahead and live my life and reach my potential in every area...
i am really thankful to Jeanne Safer for freeing me from guilt and making me realise that it is ok to feel relieved and free when you get out of a difficult relationship...
i love my mother and always will and now am able to understand her better...death has bought us closer...strange as it may sound...

Bhakti Mathur
Hong Kong

An Outstanding Book for understanding loss of parents
As an adult who has lost both parents many years ago, I had read in the L.A. Times about DEATH BENEFITS, and just finished the book. It is a tremendous resource to have on hand to understand your feelings and your own grief, and how to work through it to realize "life benefits" which do come out of the death of your parents. The book makes you realize that other adults have gone through the same process, and you see that your feelings are not alone. In my particular case, in losing my mother and getting over her death, I journeyed onto my own life and the ability to have mobility in going back to school, travel and a personal life. My love for my parents has only grown since their death, as I now can understand the issues which they had to face in their own lives, and this is another factor which the book brings to you. I recommend DEATH BENEFITS which = LIFE BENEFITS for all adults who must face the death of their parents, or, siblings.

Losing a Parent
I read this book when it was recommended to me after a parent's death. A friend recently talked to me about problems she continues to have with her elderly mother. I told her I had just the book for her, so this purchase was a gift.

Not much of a benefit
The author has done a great service by sharing her advice on how to endure and possibly benefit from the death of a parent.She recommends that someone seeking to benefit from the passing of a parent take three main actions: construct a narrative history of your parent's life, conduct a psychological inventory of your parent's character, assessing which parts of the legacy you wish to keep or discard; and actively seek new experiences and relationships based upon one's experience and decisions based upon the narrative and inventory.The four-part "psychological inventory of your parent's character" was the most useful part of the book for me.Having recently lost a parent, it was very helpful to me to realize that I have some control over which parts of a parental legacy I retain.That being noted, I cannot give this book more than three stars; it was truly only "ok" in my assessment.The majority of the book is anecdotes from individuals who experienced liberation of some sort after the death of a parent.These anecdotes were occasionally interesting but ultimately tiring to me for several reasons.First, many of the persons whose stories gave rise to the anecdotes seem anything but typical, and they seemed to be drawn heavily from families which had experienced parental abandonment or abuse of either a physical or sexual nature.As a result, it was difficult for me (who had a merely difficult relationship with a recently deceased parent) to relate to the sense of "death benefit" proclaimed by these individuals.Moreover, it is not that significant a revelation to think that one might enjoy a psychological benefit after the death of a truly abusive or derelict parent.It would have been a more useful exercise to share more stories from children of merely difficult parents and how they can move beyond a parent's death in a positive fashion.Many of the story-tellers in the book are extremelyun-self-aware and somewhat unattractive people; one woman described her father as a "Grade A Narcissist," and yet that same label could have easily been applied to many of the individuals profiled in the book.Finally, I found the whole "actively seek new experiences and relationships" portion of the stories (and the larger analysis) to be less than helpful; my recollection is that most of the story-tellers in the book went on a trip, bought something, changed careers, got a new wardrobe, redecorated, etc.I guess that economically "normal" people would just take a walk around the block or something less materialistic than the apparently affluent individuals whose stories make up the bulk of the book.Again, not fatal to the premise of the book, but neither the choice of stories and length of the book aided the persuasiveness or appeal of the author's thesis.I cannot help concluding that this would have been a better article than a book.

Recommended for everyone
Usually I don't recommend books about life and family because I don't consider myself an expert. But family issues come up for almost all my clients. They put off career change and even take a leave from their own businesses. And they're frozen with grief.

I loved this book. I can relate to it (my parents died quite a while ago). Ihave watched my friends and clients go through loss. Nearly all seem to have a mixture of relief and guilt at feeling this relief.

It's a little awkward to recommend this book to friends. "Here's a book that...um...helps you realize how much you're freed up when your parents die." But the book is so good it's worth the social risk.

Safer writes well and she keeps the book focused, with a clear theme. She doesn't sugarcoat the message or urge people to look for kindness and goodness inept parents. Her exercises are few and simple. They're more like coaching than what I think of as therapy, but I suspect they're very powerful.

It's hard to pick out the highlights because (rare for me!) I really liked every chapter. I would call a reader's attention to the chapter on "the last taboo," noting that many people are embarrassed to admit their feelings about the loss. The chapter on religion is particularly sensitiveto two diverse responses -- turning away from a parent's religion or returning to a faith that was once abandoned.

In the section on disposing of "stuff," we could note that you don't have to do this yourself. You can hire people who will go through furniture and clothing, sorting out what can be sold, what is valuable ad what should be given away. Look under "estate sales" or advertise for help on craigslist.

Safer is a psychologist, so she doesn't explore the broader implications o our new understanding of parent-child relationships. Our society is still set up to demand contributions -- financial and psychological -- from children, even when parents have been indifferent, incompetent, or even abusive. Company policies and legal systems support and even demand parent-child relationships.We need to recognize that families are not what they used to be, and probably they never were.








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Product Description
The best-selling textbook in its field, The Last Dance offers an interdisciplinary approach to the study of death and dying. Integrating the experiential, scholarly, social, individual, emotional, and intellectual dimensions of death and dying, this acclaimed text provides solid grounding in theory and research, as well as practical application to students' lives. The ninth edition has been updated to offer cutting-edge and comprehensive coverage of death studies. ... Read more

Product Description
"Children Also Grieve" is an imaginative resource, fully illustrated with color photographs, that offers support and reassurance to children coming to terms with the loss of a close friend or relative and to adults who are supporting them through their bereavement. The combination of narrative and interactive memory book in the first part of the book, is designed to be read and worked through by children. The story tells of the experiences of Henry, the dog of a family whose grandfather has died. During Henry's progress through the different stages of bereavement, he learns strategies for coping with his grief. At various stages of the story, Goldman provides readers with the opportunity to share their own reactions to loss through words and pictures, using specific prompt questions that encourage the exploration of different facets of grief. The second part includes a list of useful vocabulary, to help children express their feelings about bereavement, a bibliography of other useful resources for both children and adults, and a section that will help adults to understand and aid children throughout the grief process.This last section also explains the approach taken in the story, details typical responses to bereavement, and discusses useful ways in which adults can discuss and share grief with children. This book is an invaluable tool for bereaved children and those who care for them. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (6)

Children also Grieve
This book was required by the professor of a course in Children's Grief, who is the author. Although I don't appreciate a professor requiring their own books for a course, this book is well worth the cost. It is a very well written book and appropriate for working with children in a counseling setting. It would also be good for parents to use with children after a death in the family.

Extremely Helpful
The book was very appropriate for my neices and my entire family.The book really helped us when my dad died a few weeks back.My neices are 5 and 4, and they book helped them understand a little better what was going on.This book also provided with activities we could do as a family.

Gentle and honest
As a grief therapist, I found many aspects of children and grief to be covered within this excellent resource.Written to be read by adults to children, each page becomes a valuable spark for healthy discussion about normal feelings such as guilt, fear, shame, and anger.Told through the eyes of Henry, the family dog, ideas for creating a memory book are presented in a workbook format.Reading a page or two with a grieving child each evening would be a caring and educational replacement for bedtime stories, until the child is ready to move on.

A resource chapter for caregivers and a glossary of bereavement terms are included at the end of the book, which provide recommendations for facilitating children's understanding and expressions of their grief.Without a doubt, a secondary benefit is for the caregivers reading to the children, who may not understand for themselves why someone special has died.

This book is highly recommended for school libraries, church libraries, lending libraries in centers for grieving children, and families who are struggling to explain loss to young children.

Grief matters.

Gentle and honest
As a grief therapist, I found many aspects of children and grief to be covered within this excellent resource.Written to be read by adults to children, each page becomes a valuable spark for healthy discussion about normal feelings such as guilt, fear, shame, and anger.Told through the eyes of Henry, the family dog, ideas for creating a memory book are presented in a workbook format.Reading a page or two with a grieving child each evening would be a caring and educational replacement for bedtime stories, until the child is ready to move on.

A resource chapter for caregivers and a glossary of bereavement terms are included at the end of the book, which provide recommendations for facilitating children's understanding and expressions of their grief.Without a doubt, a secondary benefit is for the caregivers reading to the children, who may not understand for themselves why someone special has died.

This book is highly recommended for school libraries, church libraries, in lending libraries of centers for grieving children, and for families who are struggling to explain loss to young children.

Grief matters.

Children Also Grieve, Talking about Death and Healing
I am the director of a non-profit agency in Los Angeles working
with children in grief.This is by far the most compassionate, thorough, age appropriate book that I have ever read for children
in grief. I would recommend
this book to any parent, teacher or professional as a guide to
helping children through one of the most difficult time in their lives.
I'd like to see this book in every library as a reference guide
for our most vulnerable children. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (1)

Death Be Not Feared
As one who has written and lectured widely on the life and legacy of Henri Nouwen, I am pleased to recommend this compendium that treats Nouwen's approach to the spirituality of death and dying.O'Rourke is a registered nurse and pastoral minister who brings a wealth of talent and experience to her writing task.The introduction, five chapters and conclusion present the mature spiritual thought of one of the most widely-read spiritual writers of the past half century, perennially popular among mainline Protestants, Evangelicals and Roman Catholics alike.

The book is available in an inexpensive trade paperback edition, nicely laid out, with extensive bibliography and endnotes.

I learned a lot from it, and you will, too!Strongly recommended for Nouwen fans, pastoral ministers, grief counselors, medical professionals, funeral directors, the sick and dying and their families, companions and care-givers.

Gerald S. Twomey
Editor, REMEMBERING HENRI: THE LIFE AND LEGACY OF HENRI NOUWEN (Orbis, 2006)
Author, "Henri Nouwen at the Genesee" CISTERCIAN STUDIES QUARTERLY (Summer, 2007)
Author, "'Friend, You Have Been Used': Thomas Merton's Influence Upon Henri Nouwen" CISTERCIAN STUDIES QUARTERLY (Fall, 2007; Winter, 2008) ... Read more

Product Description
This book contains forewords by Sheila Haugh and Grace H Chickadonz respectively - Senior Lecturer Psychotherapy, Centre for Psychological Therapies, Leeds Metropolitan University; Center for Human Encouragement, Rochester, New York, USA. What happens to a person emotionally, psychologically and spiritually when confronted by the reality of the death of a loved one, the impending death of someone close to them, or their own death? As with the other volumes of the "Living Therapy" series, "Counselling for Death and Dying" is composed of fictitious dialogues between clients and their counsellors, and between the counsellors and their supervisors. Within the dialogues are woven the reflective thoughts and feelings of the clients, the counsellors and the supervisors, along with boxed comments on the process and references to person-centred theory. It is intended as much for experienced counsellors as it is for trainees and provides real insight into what can occur during counselling sessions.The book will also be of great value to the many health and social care professionals who, whilst they may specialise in other areas, will find that the issues dealt with in this volume have impact on the work they are doing. For them, the text demystifies what can occur in therapy, and provides useful ways of working that may be used by professionals other than counsellors. 'Richard has a deep understanding of theory and practice and has brought this understanding to this greatly neglected area in person-centred literature. [He] has the talent as a writer to honour the client, the counsellor/therapist, the supervisor and the process in all its intricacies. Richard has produced a book that, to my mind, captures the pain, the joy, the challenge of being with someone bereaved and someone facing death. The book also captures the pain and hurt and confusion of being that person who is bereaved or facing death.' - Sheila Haugh, in her Foreword. 'What is most striking about the dialogues is the realness of the feelings present in this all too human experience as lived by the clients.What is most beautiful is the relationship of acceptance shared in being in this most intimate place together as client and therapist. The healing that occurs is understandable in the strength of their connectedness.' - Grace H Chickadonz, in her Foreword. ... Read more

Product Description
Most of us try to avoid thinking about death until the moment it stares us in the face. But as Tina L. Staley and Edward W. Bastian have discovered, when we engage with our inevitable mortality at this moment, we open the door to fearlessness, joy, and the complete experience of being alive. In Living Fully, Dying Fully, these two healers present a guide for bringing an open mind and heart to the final challenge we all must face. Integrating scientific and spiritual perspectives from around the world, this collection of teachings includes: Life review exercises to access the liberating deathbed revelation at any stage of your life; Practices for easing the suffering of a terminal illness; Essential teachings about gratitude, the key practice for living life fully at any age. Featuring the wisdom of Joan Halifax, Dr. Ira Byock, Tessa Bielecki, Dr. Marilyn Schlitz, and more, Living Fully, Dying Fully is an illuminating, informative and even exciting guide to consciously embracing our mortality. Readers will discover that when we prepare to cross the final threshold with honesty and courage, we enrich every day we live in this world. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (22)

You're Going To Die
We're all going to die and we all know it.

Death is one of the very few life certainties that exists from the moment we are born. Dying is one of those taboo subjects that many people don't enjoy discussing, especially when it the topic is about the future death of a loved one or the self. It's unpleasant to think about losing someone you love and it's equally unpleasant to realize that one day we are going to permanently leave all the personal connections and attachments we've made.

The book Living Fully, Dying Well: Reflecting on Death to Find Your Life's Meaning tackles coming to terms with dying and, more importantly, ways to prepare yourself so that you can be aware and involved in the process, before it ever happens. I know that sounds strange and I have to admit that it was odd to read about, but once the idea had some time to bounce around in my head, it made more sense. If we prepare ourselves, by meditating on life/death and value the smaller deaths that go on around us, we can focus on our loved ones and our happiness in the present. Many of the exercises and meditations in the book deal with learning the value of the subtle life moments we tend to overlook and ways to recapture that sense of fearlessness and happiness that many of us lose touch with after childhood.

The book is set up in two parts. Part one is actually a transcript of a seminar, for which the book is named, in which a number of leading religious, spiritual, and medical experts discuss various issues related to death and dying. The second part features exercises and meditations, meant to help the reader experience life more fully.

Be aware that if you're not particularly spiritual or religious that the bulk of the book may feel overwhelming and some of the exercises might feel odd, as the book is written from a very spiritual perspective. That aside, it was an interesting and inspiring read.

It's A Matter Of Life And Death
Our predicament is that we are supposed to live our lives well and enjoy ourselves knowing that our birthright is death. This book points the way to not just resign ourselves to that fate, but to live fully and passionately in such a way that we thrive in the midst of our dilemma. It weaves the Eastern and Western perspectives on life and death to produce a rich tapestry of wisdom and practical tools to utilize in "Living Fully, Dying Well."

Accomplishes its purpose, but wish there a was a little more
Having experienced a life-threatening accident, I have my own little mental file on life and death. I understand that my file is very incomplete, and would like to organize and expand it, thus my interest in the book. The book offers different perspectives (not just Christian or Western) on living and dying. It is conversational in structure, with different "experts" offering viewpoints and responses to questions. Those folks did indeed seem quite experienced and knowledgeable about the topic...and they didn't speak as though they had all the answers...just their finely developed viewpoints...I liked this. The only thing I wish were more included would be more of a perspective from a non-religious sort. Not that the book was religious per se, but it was spiritual. Just seemed to be missing the "nothing happens after death" perspective. Maybe that isn't uplifting enough. I did find the parts about living fully very interesting. Life changing? Maybe...but not a hit-you-in-the-face type of change, but more like a gentle push from kind people.

A Practical and Wise Spiritual Handbook
I selected this book from the Amazon Vine program as a way to continue my reflection on the death of my youngest brother earlier this year.Several wise voices were brought together here in dialogue, integrating medical and spiritual insight on the meaning and process of death, and providing the reader with very practical exercises for working alone or with others.A rich and skillful resource for personal transformation.

Face Life and Death
Writen and edited by a Budist so you get an odd perspective of life and death. What evens things out is the other views presented by Jewish and Christian contributors who have stories and thoughts on how to embrace life to the fullest that way we have no regrets or fewer of them when we move on. It focus's on not just drifting through life like so many of us do and have a more mindful / thought driven life experience that way you dont feel like you wasted your life or are living a wasted life and whats the point kind of thing.
Good and inspiring, yet I felt it could have been more together. Kind of disjointed but the subject matter was worthwile, just did not flow well. ... Read more

Product Description
The Buddhist approach to death can be of great benefit to people of all backgrounds—as has been demonstrated time and again in Joan Halifax’s decades of work with the dying and their caregivers. Inspired by traditional Buddhist teachings, her work is a source of wisdom for all those who are charged with a dying person’s care, facing their own death, or wishing to explore and contemplate the transformative power of the dying process. Her teachings affirm that we can open and contact our inner strength, and that we can help others who are suffering to do the same. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (10)

Happy customer
book is a good resource. Vendor came through! The book was rec'd within stated time & in excellent condition. Thank you for good service.

As always, thank you Joan Halifax!
A must book for anyone working with or living with dying. Excellent, prompt service from service provider.Very pleased.

Life Changing
remarkablelife changing insights to heal the living as well as the dying. joan shares the need to let go of our stories and identity, that all is impermanent and constantly changing yet she gives her father a new permanent identity beyond death;if all is impermanent-so is impermanence transcended by the deathless, same living God creator of all billions of years ago.

Helping with grief
A friend of mine who is dying of cancer suggested I read this book because it had helped her deal with her prognosis. It helped relieve the rage I felt, especially because I have three other friends with cancer. It gave me a sense of peace and the ability to open myself to their needs and the inevitable. A must have as a reference to help one cope with dying friends.

A Book for Us All
This is a really helpful book with insights about how to approach dealing with people -- including yourself -- facing death. Joan Halifax seasons her text with numerous real-life examples of the kinds of problems that may arise and the approaches that might help to overcome them. This is a book for both the living and the dying, and given that we are all both, it is a book for us all. ... Read more

Product Description

Honest, gentle advice for those who have survived an unspeakable loss—the suicide of a loved one.

Transforming suffering into strength, misconceptions into understanding, and shame into dignity, Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch break through the dangerous silence and stigma surrounding suicide to bring readers this much-needed book. Cobain’s achingly honest account of dealing with the suicide of a loved one, along with personal stories from others who experienced this profound loss, provide powerful insight into the confusion, fear, and guilt family members experience. A chapter about “the suicidal mind” helps families not only comprehend the depth of their loved one’s pain prior to suicide, but also understand why such desperation is so difficult to recognize—even in the closest relationships. By sharing survivor stories as well as the latest thinking and statistics about suicide, Cobain and Larch break through myths, misinformation, and misunderstandings. The result is a book of extraordinary compassion and steadfast guidance for anyone awash in the aftermath of unfathomable loss.

"This frank book about suicide is a giant step toward bringing another form of mental illness out of the closet."
— Mindy Greiling, Minnesota State Representative and National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) National Board of Directors

"This book is a masterpiece for the survivors of suicide and those who care about them."
— David Satcher, M.D., Ph.D., 16th U.S. Surgeon General and Interim President of Morehouse School of Medicine

Customer Reviews (31)

GENTLE READING
I lost my brother to suicide 2 months ago. I had so many questions, the biggest one was WHY.
This book was very gentle to read while you are grieving the lose of a loved one. Helps
you to get a feel for how the person may have been feeling. The book is now being past
around to my family. I would recommend it to those who are going through the death of a suicide.

A wonderful book for those who have lost someone to suicide!
This book was sent to me from one of my friends who lost her husband to suicide.I lost my boyfriend Wade on 11-30-08 and since then there have been so many questions that haven't been answered.This book helps us to see the "suicidal mind" and what one may be going through who commits suicide.I don't read alot, but once I started reading this book, I read it all the way through without stopping.It is a wonderful book for anyone who has lost someone to suicide.It helps us understand & also gives us hope.

I'm so glad I read this book.After a year and a half of questions, some of those questions have been answered by reading this book.I have a support group online for people who have lost someone to suicide, and I have recommended it to all of them.

After reading "Dying to be Free", I felt more peace than I've felt since he died.I wish I had found this book sooner.Great job Beverly.Thank you for writing such a wonderful book that helps the grieving start to heal.

A survivor's lifeline
I bought "Dying to Be Free" just shortly after my son died by suicide. I was desperate for anything that would help me begin to sort out the complete devastation in my heart and my head after losing him. I truely felt I was losing my mind. I had read other books first but this one hit home. It talked about how surviviors are affected in various stages of grief - and listed exactly how I was feeling at that moment. Reading that page helped me know that I wasn't alone and gave me hope that what I was going through was something that could eventually be managed. The information that helped address the questions about why, the guilt (I should have known), the suicidal mind and other survivor stories were invaluable. The writing was simple, easy-to-read and segmented in digestable chunks. This was expecially helpful to me because I had a very difficult time concentrating and retaining information for months after my son's death. I've referred back to different parts of the book over the last few years and I've also recommended the book to others who have lost a loved one to suicide. I highly recommend this to all those who are looking for a better understanding of suicide or who are looking for a lifeline to help them through their grief.

Masterpiece!
Good day Bev and Jean,

"Masterpiece" is an understatement!Why is it you have to experience tragedy in your life before discovering such insightful advice?I know your book is helping me as a survivor and can only wish my brother could have also benefited from your book?I will always remember him saying "what do you take for a broken heart"?Well...what he ended up "taking" was his own life.Miss diagnosed and more likely miss understood he chose to end his pain and leave this world?

Not asking for anything just wanted to let you know that you, Jean and the others "hit one out of the park" with your book!

Thank you and God bless,

Mark (another survivor) Stesney

Comforting
I really liked this book. It really helped answer some questions surrounding a loved one choice to commit suicide. I would recommend this book for any survivor of suicide. ... Read more

Product Description

Now there is a hand to hold...

Customer Reviews (100)

Healing after sudden death
This book regarding dealing with sudden death of a loved one is very helpful, well written, comprehensive and encouraging.I appreciate the specific suggestions for dealing with grief, especially for the loss of a parent or child.

Friend lost her daughters and husband
I bought this book for a friend who lost her husband and two adult young daughters in a tragic car accident. I didn't know what to tell her or how to comfort her. Losing all your family at once in one second is the most shocking experience there could be. She loved the book, read it all, said she felt exactly the way the book explained. I think the book did help her in many ways, even if her loss is so huge and tragic that her life will never be the same. She praised the book so much I certainly would recommend it.

Help with dealing with grief of a sudden death
If you have lost someone dear to sudden death this is a wonderful book on dealing with your loss, I wish I had this book when our son passed very suddenly in an accident.I have boughten three copies for friends. Need help read this book.

An excellent source of comfort
This book helped me immensely when I lost my mom when I was 25.I originally bought it for my dad, but I read it first and was glad I did.One of the things I liked best about it was how it gave different perspectives depending on one's relationship with the deceased, so whether you lost a parent, a spouse, a child, etc. it works for everyone and it also helps to learn what others are going through.

I only knew my loss as a daughter missing her mother, but the book helped me to learn what my father was going through, and also my grandparents.It was extremly comforting to hear descriptions of what one often feels, so it helped me feel less alone that others felt the same exact things I was feeling.In fact some of the descriptions were like they took the words right out of my mouth.I highly reccomend this book to anyone who has lost someone close to them, or to understand what someone close to them is going through in their grief.It's been six years since my mom died, but I think even now this book would help me if I read it again, which I plan on doing.

Comforting
I found that this book covered a-z on things & emotions I was feeling, during my sudden loss. Even things that I didn't even ever expect to feel or have to deal with. Family, friends & other loved ones who are hurting. This really helped guide me to get on my path to dealing & healing. I would recommend this to anyone whom has had a sudden loss of a loved one or a gift for someone who has lost someone suddenly. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (2)

A little Peace
I bought this for my Daughter after she lost her Husband - a quiet gesture of comfort....

Wiccan Lessons On Passing...
In Wicca, death is known as "Passing Through the Gates," and to do it well, or to help a loved one do it well, is recognized as one of life's most fruitful opportunities for change and spiritual growth. The energies aroused by death can be directed to good purpose, bringing healing to ourselves and to our world. In this book, you will discover the unique perspective that wicca brings to death and dying; integrating spiritual concerns with practical ones, and offering new ways of dealing with one of life's deepest and most generative challenges. ... Read more

Product Description

Customer Reviews (3)

Mortal Wisdom
Patricia Bulkely is a spiritual counselor in Hospice. And Kelly Bulkeley has wide experience as a dream researcher and author. Together they have written a poignant book of the dying and their dreams. By exploring the meaning of the dreams and visions of the dying, the authors hope to help people recover not only a meaningful sense of death, but what it means to be alive.

The lessons of pre-death dreams constellate around three themes. And the authors report that the understanding of these themes can help the dreamer expand and deepen the awareness of their life. The first theme noted from the dreams of the dying is that death in dreams is most often represented by the idea of a journey, rather than the cessation of life. For example, one dying man began to have dreams of a ship on the ocean. And in the dream, he was the captain of that ship.

The second type of dream often experienced by the dying is the "visitation" dream, an emotionally intense and often "hyperrealistic" dream in which the dreamer is visited by someone deceased who returns to provide guidance, reassurance or warning. These types of dreams, the authors report, do not so much deny death but transcend death, "providing experiential evidence of human connections that extend beyond mortal life."

The third type of dream often experienced by the dying is dream in which the obstacles in life are made known. If death is viewed as a journey, write the authors, then these pre-death dreams serve as a source of insight of the obstacles along that path. This type of dream seems to tell us that impending death will not wash away our regrets, our mistaken beliefs or what we view as our transgressions. We will in life, have to come to terms with the obstacles that have hindered us while living. The authors note as example, a dying woman whose traditional religious beliefs offered neither solace nor guidance as she neared death. Her dreams though helped her envision a reality where God did not punish, and where death was seen as a passage into another realm of life that included joy and reunion with those she loved.

"What the dying person experiences in waking life as an agonizing onslaught of painful memory becomes, in dreaming," the authors point out, "the raw material for new growth, broader connections, and a deeper sense of self-integrity." The self that lives in denial of dark secrets, inevitably crumbles in dreams.

The authors disagree with claims "that all religious and mystical traditions lead to the same realization of pure consciousness, peak experience, absolute unitary being, or any other monolithic, one-size-fits-all state of mind. At least in the realm of dreaming," the authors report, "the revelatory experience is so deeply rooted in the individual's personal life history and cultural context that it makes no sense to try and extract a `universal core' from it."

This book also includes a chapter on "Care for the Dying," "A Summary of Methods," and "Resources for Caregiving for the Terminally Ill."

Help for the dying and their caregivers
This excellent title helps people to understand the types of dreams that people have prior to dying- and how to honor and use the messages that come with these dreams.It will be particularly useful for family and friend caregivers who may not understand the importance of dreams in preparing a person for death and how dreams can bring meaning and peace to the process.It provides also a very short, yet incredibly useful, introduction on how to interpret dreams in general. This title is highly recommended.

Dreaming?
While, I have heard the contention that dreams serve a purpose of helping a person deal with events in their life, I cannot recall any that have accomplished that in my life. The book mentions that category and I wish some time had been spent on that subject. As far as the book went, I found the various experiences of case histories fascinating. Especially the one of Socrates, in which the dream was actually prophetic. ... Read more

Product Description
In Death and Bereavement Around the World, Volume 3: Death and Bereavement in Europe, the contributors explore attitudes, funeral practices, and end-of-life care in the European countries. The scope of this volume ranges from the highly developed hospice and bereavement programs found in the United Kingdom to the newly developed programs in Croatia. The "new Europe" is reflected in the cooperation among services across Europe, while services maintain their national identities. Religion continues to exert its influence throughout Europe, notably in Greece. Much of the volume’s focus is on funeral rituals and burial customs and the distinctive changes in funerals across Europe, especially in Germany. Practices in Poland, the Ukraine, and Russia are described, highlighting the differences among these countries despite the political unity imposed on them for 50 years.

Death and Bereavement Around the Worldwill be a valuable resource for those who care for others during a time of stress or crisis. Physicians and nurses, clergy and funeral directors, teachers, scout leaders, coaches, and lay caretakers will be better able to understand, communicate, and integrate bereavement traditions with their patients, clients, colleagues and family members. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (1)

Excellent
Death and Bereavement Around the World is an excellent book for people involved in research either for bereavement counseling or for educational purposes.It is easy to read and understand.However, it is a little pricey. ... Read more

Product Description
"For anyone seeking to develop their understanding of loss and change, whether in a palliative care of general or social care setting, this book contains much useful material which can be taken selectively or in its entirety."
Hospise Information Bulletin

• How do professionals meet the needs of bereaved people?
• How do professionals undertake best practice with individuals, groups, families and communities?
• What are the implications for employing research to influence practice?

Contributors
Lesley Adshead, Jenny Altschuler, Peter Beresford, Grace Christ, Suzy Croft, Pam Firth, Shirley Firth, Richard Harding, Felicity Hearn, Jennie Lester, Gill Luff, Linda Machin, Jan McLaren, David Oliviere, Ann Quinn, Phyllis Silverman, Jean Walker, Karen Wilman. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (2)

a very funny and informative guide
I am currently working with, ie reading and reflecting on the lazy man's guide to death and dying. It is a very very funny book. Since I love humor, (and who doesn't), the book keeps my attention naturally and easily focused on subject matter which I would probably not normally be interested in, ie the passing of the being into the afterlife states as framed by the Tibetans. Ok, even if I were vaguely intrigued, and thought that it might help me as I will surely le on my death bed some day, would I read about such subject matter if it wasn't presented in a way that's completely enjoyable? Very possibly not. I mean, who wants to chop their way through the dense forests of the Tibetan texts? Those guys are just way out in front of us. And I really doubt that I would work my way through the book as I am now, trying to glean what the author is really saying, taking my time and dare I say, even reading it for the benefit of someone else if it wasnt presented in this humorous and witty fashion. OK I have to tell you other people who I love. Terry Pratchett, Robert Sheckley, Zelazney, Douglas Adams too. The guys who write passages you can read and chuckle about all week long. So I highly recommend this book. In fact if you can get it for the used prices that I think I am seeing here you are in for a terrific bargain, the gem of a lifetime...even at full price it is worth ten times that. I mean it. I hope this is helps. thanks. Grant Abrams

Reminds me of Antero Alli
This is a weird but intriguing book, half tongue-in-cheek and half deeply serious. It's more or less an attempt to update the Bardo Thodol for the modern (lazy) man. There's more here than there seems to be at first, butif the prospect of introductions by John Lilly and RAW doesn't excite you,then the book probably won't either. ... Read more

Product Description
"The most comprehensive multidisciplinarycontemplation of mortality weare likely toget."--Thomas Lynch, New York Times Book ReviewProminent critic, poet, and memoirist Sandra M.Gilbert explores our relationship to deaththough literature, history, poetry, and societal practices. Does death change--and if it does, how has it changed in the last century? And how haveour experiences and expressions of griefchanged? Did the traumas of Hiroshima and theHolocaust transform our thinking aboutmortality? More recently, did the catastrophe of 9/11 alter our modes of mourning? And are thereat the same time aspects of grief that barelychange from age to age? Seneca wrote, "Anyonecan stop a man's life but no one his death; athousand doors open on to it." Thisinevitability has left varying marks on allhuman cultures. Exploring expressions of faith,burial customs, photographs, poems, and memoirs, acclaimed author Sandra M. Gilbert brings to thetopic of death the critical skill that won herfame for The Madwoman in the Attic andother books, as she examines both thechangelessness of grief and the changing customs that mark contemporary mourning. 25 illustrations ... Read more

Customer Reviews (3)

Comfort and Context from Gilbert's Clarity and Compassion
"Death's Door: Modern Dying and the Ways We Grieve" is a splendid achievement and a fine companion for the "Inventions of Farewell: A Book of Elegies." I believe the elegies collection gave birth to "Death's Door."

Gilbert combines clarity and compassion, an essential combination to bring to the ultimate topic: death. The book is divided into three major parts: I. Arranging My Mourning: Five Meditations on the Psychology of Grief; II. History Makes Death: How the Twentieth Century Reshaped Dying and Mourning; II. The Handbook of Heartbreak: Contemporary Elegy and Lamentation. From this selection of categories alone, you can savor her ear for phrase and mind that adventures and gathers together psychology, History, and Literature.

Gilbert is woman and scholar and teacher and writer in this magnificent book. I read "Death's Door" as my mother lay dying and found much comfort here. I received the additional benefit ofhaving the context of my own work illuminated and enlarged.

Sandra M. Gilbert's "Death's Door: Modern Dying and the Ways We Grieve" gave me a context to place my work within. "Sightlines: A Poet's Diary" fits into a tradition I was not consciously aware of as I wrote. I felt I had come home into a larger family with many voices.


Janet Grace Riehl, author Sightlines: A Poet's Diary

A survey of social and cultural history documents different processes of death and grief in society
Surveys of death and grieving often embrace the psychology so much that there isn't much room for other approaches, so it's surprising to find a treatment which blends a poet and critic's vision and experiences with a focus on the psychology of pain and recovery. Such a survey is DEATH'S DOOR: MODERN DYING AND THE WAYS WE GRIEVE. A survey of social and cultural history documents different processes of death and grief in society, while the author struggles with her own reactions to deaths of loved ones. Her different viewpoints help DEATH'S DOOR stand apart from the myriad of titles on the topic.

Diane C. Donovan, Editor
California Bookwatch

Her own experiences and a survey of the literature
We humans are the only animals that know we are going to die. The only real questions are how and when. For Ms. Gilbert's husband, he went in for a relativly minor operation and never recovered.

We use a lot of euphemisms to refer to death: a hit, a contract, passing away, crossing Jordan. And through the twentieth century we have seen a lot of death: World War I with its machine guns and poison gas, The Holocaust (In capitals, that means the jewish one in Germany, but there have been several from Turkey/Armenia, Cambodia, 'ethnic cleansing,' and the current Darfur situation.), Natural disasters from tsunamis, earthquakes, and of course 9/11.

There's been a lot of literature about death, from the Bible through Shakespeare to numerous others (Amazon lists hundreds of titles). This particular book has two real strengths: First comes from Ms. Gilbert's mastery of the language and her analysis of her own feelings of grief. Then there is a carefully made selection of quotes from past literature.

I don't know that this makes our own future any more clear, but it certainly helps in the understanding of our grief when a loved one dies. ... Read more

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Customer Reviews (2)

Shallow and contradictory
Death is certain. You will not live forever. Therefore practice the Dharma so that your next life will be better; you will be born in a better place.
There, now you can skip reading 158 pages. That's about it.

The book starts with a passage about how the Buddha said to not blindly believe what was written or said by holy men, including himself. That you should always check for yourself to determine what is true.
Then it goes on to base its entire premise on BELIEVING in karma and life after death, that you will die and be reborn. No one can KNOW this to be true. Even the Buddha said this topic is too complicated and difficult for humans to understand.
Also, if there is no "me", no "soul", no lasting entity, then what is reborn? It can't be "me" since I don't exist!
But some will say they DO know. I frankly don't believe that, but let's say the author DOES know about life after death and rebirth somehow, and not just from reading about it and believing it. Even if that is true, the book is asking its readers to BELIEVE this concept. I find this odd considering the book started with that passage about not BELIEVING something just because it is written.
Without BELIEVING BLINDLY in this concept, the premise of the book falls apart - that you should practice diligently because you will die before you know it and if you don't practice you will be reborn in a lesser place than if you do practice.

It is a Tibetan Buddhist book. I'm no Buddhist scholar, but I think Tibetan Buddhism BELIEVES in reincarnation, whereas other forms of Buddhism do not place much weight there. Like Theravada Buddhism and Zen Buddhism. This, for me, is just one more confirmation that I'm not very interested in Tibetan Buddhism. I'm much more in line with Theravada. But that's just me. To each their own. In any case, relative to this book, I can't base my life on such an unknown as life after death and rebirth. It is enough for me, as Theravada teaches, to live a karmically good life in THIS lifetime, and let whatever happens after this lifetime, if anything, take care of itself. The Buddha said not to allow the unknown about the afterlife to stop you from practicing in this lifetime; that you will reap the results of karma, cause and effect, in this very lifetime, and that at least can be proven to yourself, whereas rebirth cannot.

There is more in this book that bugs me and that I disagree with, but the above is the gist of it. But I'll mention a few things here:
It says you should give away all possessions. Often that is meant metaphorically; giving up all attachments to everything. But this book doesn't say that. It simply says give up all possessions. So how shall we eat? Transport ourselves? Keep a roof over our heads? If he meant something different, he should write more clearly.
When you are dying, he says simply lying on your right side in the lions pose, as the Buddha did when he died, will bring you much merit in itself. Bah! This is empty religiosity.
This book is FULL of dogma that is merely "believed" and not experienced. Thus I find it quite ironic that it begins with that passage about not blindly believing what is written or spoken.

I'll give it two stars instead of one for effort.

Unusual
This book is about looking in an entirly new and unexpected way at life even with the many trials it may bring. ... Read more

Product Description
This anthology directs attention to the evolving understanding of death and dying in today's multicultural environment. Authoritative voices of pioneers and pathfinders in the field of death studies are joined by insightful commentators from intersecting disciplines, bringing depth and range of coverage to current knowledge about death, dying, and bereavement. This approach encourages critical thinking and allows students to examine their own feelings and beliefs about the path ahead. ... Read more

Product Description
 First book to present burial evidence in Ancient Egypt across classes and over time and to use as evidence for the life of poor as well as rich.

 Illustrated with over 150 line drawings, many produced specially for this book by the author.

The pyramids at Gizeh and the tomb of Tutankhamun are two spectacular examples of the legendary energy that the Ancient Egyptians devoted to their tombs. Contrary to popular belief, this energy was not confined to the highest classes of society. This is the first book to use the tens of thousands of tombs excavated across Egypt to build up a broad picture of burial as practiced throughout society over the millennia, from 5000 BC to AD 200.

In the course of his investigation Wolfram Grajetski removes some popular misconceptions. Many imagine that there are few undisturbed tombs, but this is not the case. In addition to the richest finds, there are numerous other tombs which, lacking gold, never caught the attention of ancient robbers or, till now, that of modern readers. Many also argue that we can only know the richer classes in ancient society because the burials of ordinary farmers or poor people do not survive. As this book shows, this is not true of Ancient Egypt, where such graves are key sources for reconstructing burial customs and Egyptian culture as a whole. ... Read more