Product Description
From the Foreword by Edward J. Khantzian, M.D., Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School:

Addiction is a disorder in self-regulation. Individuals who become dependent on addictive substances cannot regulate their emotions, self-care, self-esteem, and relationships. In this monumental and illuminating text Philip Flores covers all the reasons why this is so. But it is the domain of interpersonal relations that he makes clear why individuals susceptible to substance use disorders (SUDs) are especially vulnerable. His emphasis on addiction as an attachment disorder is principally important because he provides extensive scholarly and clinical insights as to why certain vulnerable individuals so desperately need to substitute chemical solutions and connections for human ones.

The strength of Flores' paradigm of addiction as an attachment disorder is that it is a theory that effectively and wisely guides treatment, but at the same time when properly implemented or practiced, the treatment resonates with and further enhances the theory. Flores' work here is an extraordinary one because in parsimonious and clear language he makes a major contribution to the literature and practice of effective psychotherapy in general and effective psychotherapy for the addictions in particular. He fills in all the gaps between theory and practice covering wide and ranging issues of what practice and empirical findings have to teach about the critical ingredients of AA, group therapy, and individual psychotherapy. This is a job well-done because it helps students and experienced clinicians alike to always be mindful of how they bring their humanity to the distress and suffering of others. His theory of addiction as an attachment disorder makes is particularly clear how especially important this is for those suffering with addictive disorders. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (4)

Addicted to porn? Read this book.
The content of this book is extremely important. Attachment is healthy, and has very real beneficial effects on our physiology and emotional health. It's a shame this book is so poorly edited and redundant - not to mention absurdly priced.

I read this book because someone mentioned it on my website's forum, which has been inundated with men desperate to recover from porn addiction. It solidly affirmed what I had noticed: Supportive contact with others is a vital part of these men's recovery, which is often long and agonizing.

Flores's experience is clearly with alcohol/drug addicts, but what he has to say is also useful for anyone hooked on porn and not happy about it. His well documented message is that humans need interaction with close, trusted companions throughout life. Alas, they can't maintain these vital connections if they are hooked on a substance or activity that produces an overwhelming neurochemical blast. The subtler rewards of relationship just can't compete, even though they offer far greater benefits. Thus, porn, like any other addiction, becomes both a false substiute for, and an obstacle to, the genuine relationships humans need to thrive.

Like it or not, we humans are ultimately more affected by our need for attachment than our need for pleasure. This is easily missed by porn users, whose brains can go out of balance, making human connection ever more challenging and unsatisfying. Symptoms include insomnia, depression, panic attacks, extreme social anxiety, irrational anger, despair, etc. (For more, see "The Road to Excess" [...].)

Flores reminds us that many such symptoms disappear when the addict addresses the addiction that is causing them. Without this key knowledge, it's easy to end up on psychotropic drugs for depression or anxiety, which don't correct the underlying need for friendly interaction.

1 step forward, 2 steps back: More about AA than Attachment; Blames Parents Too Much
The thesis of this book is that addiction is a disorder of an individual's ability to have healthy attachments, or primary, intimate relationships. Starting from birth, everyone needs to have two basic things for a secure attachment: a secure base and a safe haven. A secure base is a supportive relationship that gives you the security from which to explore the world and face risks. A safe haven is a supportive relationship to turn to for help when facing stress or crisis in order to manage our emotions.

When we fail to have secure relationships, we often try to find these needs in the wrong ways. We might use drugs or alcohol to manage our emotions or to give us a sense of confidence. This in turn destroys our relationships further. Thus, we have insecure attachment styles, when we are either avoidant/dismissing (counterdependent) or anxious/preoccupied or both. Dr. Flores alludes to the fact that addicts tend to be emotionally avoidant or counterdependent.

The book makes a good point that 12 step groups like AA help in fostering healthy attachments, which are important for an addict's recovery, though I felt the book was more of a promotion for Alcoholics Anonymous rather than expanding on attachment theory and how to treat addiction--it tried too hard to fit research on attachment into the 12-steps philosophy, though I do believe the 12 steps is very helpful. For example, I like the principles of surrendering control of our lives to a higher power as a way to achieve serenity and recognize that we have little control over our lives, though the book doesn't get much into that.

I like the author's point that addicts must learn they are not Gods (p. 98-99), as they have an "illusion of control." This is something I tell my clients all the time. He points out an existential approach that recognizes our human limits and need for others. He also criticizes Rene Descartes' mind-body dualism as incompatible with the research on the biology of emotion and attachment (106)--our emotions are stored and expressed physically. I liked the quote from Darwin (1871) that we need each other for survival: "For with those animals which were benefited by living in close association, the individuals which took the greatest pleasure in society would best escape various dangers: whilst those that cared least for their comrades and lived solitary would parish in greater numbers." Dr. Flores also quotes Stern (1985): "The essential state of human existence is togetherness rather than aloneness, with a most basic sense of connectedness, affiliation, attachment and security as givens." This reminds me of a quote I use from Genesis 2: "It is not good for man to be alone."

Dr. Flores points out that our society oftentimes puts too much emphasis on individualism and independence at the expense of our need for attachment. Our society damages children when we teach them to just get over their attachment injuries. Perhaps these are reasons why we seem to have a growth of addictions and personality disorders in the past decades. Dr. Flores is also interested in the links between addiction and narcissism as both seem to be due to deficits in self-esteem, which may be caused by shame or relationship traumas.

While Dr. Flores does not lay out many specifics for what an attachment-oriented therapy for addicts would look like, he does give some pointers. His primary treatment goal for addicts in recovery is to help them learn how to have secure attachments and to experience attachments because experiencing (experiential therapy) makes more of a difference at the implicit memory / emotional level. I affirm him on this as this is also my primary goal for therapy with addicts. Treatment such as individual and group therapy as well as AA can accomplish these by helping clients to be more emotionally aware and available in relationships and by fostering new attachments.

As a family therapist who treats addicts from an attachment perspective, I truly believe in the premise of the book that addiction should be treated as an attachment disorder, but perhaps I was hoping for too much. I felt that some of the theoretical presentation was diluted by other theories, particularly terminology from object relations theory, which is more psychodynamic, though it is a precursor of attachment theory. The book also read too much like a dissertation's literature review and lacked the balance that comes with either being exposed to a variety of literature or experience in the field. Much of the research was dated. For example, I felt that the book blames parents too much when I have seen the influence of siblings and especially previous relationships partners on our attachment styles. It also glosses over the fact that not everyone uses drugs or alcohol because of a bad childhood. Many times, the initial use is just for fun, though it becomes a maladaptive tool for managing relationships. An addict may have just made a bad choice, or associated with the wrong person, and it may have nothing to do with his or her parents. On the other hand, an addiction will become an attachment and destroy a person's ability to have healthy, secure attachments with people, which is why I still believe it is an attachment disorder. My point is that this book puts too much blame on parents.

The book was somewhat contradictory. On one hand, it says that "Someone can be attached and not be dependent" (p. 88) which is a bad assumption based on the theory. If one is to have a secure attachment, one MUST be at least interdependent. Avoidance (counterdependence) goes against secure attachment. But then it goes on to say that dependency isn't bad.So, which is it? Research in attachment theory recognizes and validates a healthy dependency, as long as a person is not basing their self-worth on the other person and is anxiously preoccupied in the other that it becomes controlling (codependence). Some emotional dependence is naturally a part of a relationship. Relationships will put us at risk of getting hurt, but that's a risk we must take.

While I like the thesis of Dr. Flores' book, I might recommend other books instead, like Dr. Dayton's book "Emotional Sobriety."

This book was very helpful
This book does an excellent job of integrating the research from many different disciplines within the field and explaining how they work together, which illuminates the problem and leads toward a workable solution.I especially enjoyed Flores' emphasis on interpersonal relationships when working with addicts.

Excellent resource
I am really enjoying this book. It has a great premise of the lack of attachment as one of the causes of addiction and reasons for relapse. I would suggest this for anyone in the health care field of addiction or those dealing with it in friends and family. ... Read more

Product Description

Customer Reviews (3)

Treating Attachment Disorders
I work with traumatized children. Many of the children I work with have attachment issues. This is an excellent book about the subject. It first informs the reader about Attachment Theory and how it is used, reviews and compares other theories and shows how they are used and how they don't work well with attachment issues, gives you many practical examples of infants, school age children and adolescents with attachment issues and how these are treated. I highly recommend it.

Best book on the subject
This is the best written book on the subject I have read.It was a joy to read and very informative about attachment theory and attachment diorders.The author presens dozens of cases from all age groups showing the application of attachment theory to psychotherapy and psychoanalys.

ATTACHMENT & DETACHMENT DISORDERS FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
I strongly recommend this book for anyone seeking to find help with troubling relationship issues and learning more about relationship attachment and detachment.Other related topics are, identity issues, self-esteem issues, addictions, mood disorders and reoccurring unresolved anger.

Excellent compliments to this book are: The Angry Heart:Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders:An Interactive Self-Help Guide by John Santoro and Ronald Cohen; Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man by Scott Wetzler; The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman; Emotional Blackmail: When People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier; Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson; Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown; Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job by Alan Cavaiola and Neil Lavender. ... Read more

Product Description
Attachment Disorder is the psychological diagnosis for children who exhibit problems with attachment during infancy or early childhood. Often resulting in severe emotional and behavioral problems, these children are unable to give and receive love and affection. Often physically and emotionally abusive to caregivers, siblings and peers, these children constantly defy parental rules and authority and create ongoing stress and turmoil in a family.

More Than Love is a candid chronicle of three boys adopted with Attachment Disorder and of the difficulties experienced by their adoptive parents. Begun as a daily journal of a quest to bond as a family, author Sherril M. Stone, Ph.D. spares no emotion or detail as she describes the years of heartache and determination required to parent the boys. While outsiders only witnessed charming, sweet, and "good" boys, those close to them knew the extent of their manipulative behaviors. The struggle to reverse the harm caused before the adoption stretched a strong marriage and close family ties to the breaking point. Tragically, the only choice was to relinquish parental rights, a decision made to protect family, friends, and society as a whole.

More Thank Love offers includes tips for the identification of signs and symptoms of Attachment Disorder and includes suggestions for handling aggressive, disruptive and antisocial behaviors, as well as a guide to therapeutic services.

Customer Reviews (3)

Worked Up
After reading this book, I passed it along to my mother. She has also enjoyed it. I feel that Dr. Stone portrays a part of her feelings that really involve you and true feelings in life. Sometimes its hard to deal with the facts and family. Sharing this with everyone can sometimes help others deal better with it. I strongly recommend this book. The book not only involves personal feelings and got me worked up, but it also involves sympathy for Dr. Stone herself. I was given the book to read by Dr. Stone herself, I had no idea that she had ever undertaken this kind of horrific event. There is not a week that goes by that I do not think "How did this women survive?" I am only thankful that her husband was there to help her through such a tragic event. If only every family was like that. There for each other.

"A wonderful read"
"More than love" offers a personal view of the devastating effects of physical, mental and sexual abuse. Dr. Stone shares her heartbreakingexperience of adopting Attachment Disorder children, and allows the reader to see the many difficulties that parents in every community will face. This book is a wonderful educational tool for every member of society.

A MUST READ!!!!
Impossible to put down!!WOW!!!Everyone should read this book, even if you never plan to adopt children.As a matter of fact, I highly suggest that anyone that has children, works with them, and or is around them read this book, including Parents, Teachers, Doctors, Psychologist, Sociologist, Police Officers, Adoption Agencies, and Government officials. It will really open your eyes.While reading "More Than Love...", I was filled with every emotion possible, sadness, anger, and yes even happiness.I could not help crying, laughing, smiling, and empathizing with Dr. and Mr. Stone.I take my hat off to them. ... Read more

Product Description
Attachment Disorders: Treatment Strategies for Traumatized Children is an essential resource for therapists, parents, social workers, DCS workers, foster parents, educators, and child care providers who are faced with the many challenges of working with traumatized children who have attachment issues. This engaging book provides the reader with theoretical foundation of human socialization and of the attachment formation between a caregiver and infant. Catherine Cain clearly defines the concept of an attachment disorder, presents assessment information along with a detailed list of symptoms related to attachment, and details treatment strategies using case studies to help the reader visualize how to use those strategies with specific behavior. Written with ease and accessibility, Attachment Disorders will not only be a helpful tool for the seasoned clinician, but for anyone wanting to understand traumatized children. ... Read more

Product Description
Attachment is the deep and enduring connection established between a child and caregiver in the first few years of life. It profoundly influences every component of the human condition: mind, body, emotions, relationships, and values.

Attachment, Trauma, and Healing examines the causes of attachment disorder, and provides in-depth discussion on effective solutions--including attachment-focused assessment and diagnosis, specialized training and education for caregivers, the controversial "in arms" treatment for children and caregivers, and early intervention and prevention programs for high-risk families. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (10)

Well organized, useful, but ...
This book has many useful items in it, not least of all chapters on effective means of diagnosing attachment disorder. But for parents who have been dealing with attachment issues for many years, the book is really not great. The unfortunate fact is that kids with attachment issues tend to need a lot more help than one can find in a volume like this, and it's doubtful that even two weeks or a month-long family stay at the authors' very expensive attachment treatment center would be enough, on its own, to reverse the problem.

Having said that, the book definitely provides an important contribution to the literature on this issue, and I do wish that more mental health professionals, particularly among psychiatrists, would familiarize themselves with its contents. Very often the symptoms that accompany attachment issues and the related post-traumatic stress syndrome look like those of bi-polar disease or psychosis. But they're not "serious mental illness" in the way that traditional psychiatrists understand, and trying to plug these round pegged children into such square holes does an enormous disservice to the children, their parents, and society as a whole.

An important book for all affected by this problem.

Attachments?
Excellent book on attachments and trauma.I am not finished yet, but I have already found this book to be very helpful and provide key insights into understanding the children that I am counseling with currently.

Holding Therapy okay?!!!
In this book, Levy and Orlans promote "Attachment (Holding) Therapy" which they call the Holding-Nurturing Process(HNP).The below quotes from this book provide evidence that they favor practices that are considered abusive and inappropriate for all children.(See the APSAC "Task Force Report on Attachment Therapy" in the journal *Child Maltreatment* Feb 2006).All the elements are here:psychologically and/or physically-enforced restraint, the discredited notion of catharsis, forced age regression, etc.APSAC and the APA advise child welfare workers to investigate where these practices are used as "suspected abuse."It is inconceivable that these methods could foster affection between parent and child.

From page 19:"Treatment Strategies and Methodologies The Holding-Nurturing Process(HNP), in which the therapist holds the child eye-to-eye, face-to-face, is an "in arms" experience that promotes secure attachment....Children with severe attachment disorder are extremely resistant to therapy....[W]e contract with the child to verbally express anger and defiance... "

Page 133:"[C]atharsis is useful in the treatment process only when integrated with other therapeutic techniques....The child with attachment disorder is a hostage to powerful emotions. Rage, fear, and unresolved emotional pain dictate his or her choices and action. ...A crucial part of this process involves emotional release..."

Page 190:Therapist T: "What feelings do you have in this holding position?"
Ryan: "I have bad memories. I wasn't touched in the right way. I'm scared."

Page 116:"The firm yet caring structure of the HNP diminishes the child's ability to manipulate or
control the therapeutic process..."

Page 272:"Martha Welch, M.D....achieved success by assisting mothers in holding their autistic children, promoting a predictable sequence of fighting and resisting, followed by calming and relating."

Page 117:"The HNP provides a safe context to address and work through traumatic, painful, and frightening experiences....Unfortunately, children with attachment disorder...are typically tactilely defensive and afraid of closeness and touch. In the HNP, the therapist is physically close to the child and is able to provide corrective touch."

Page 273: "[T]here are many variations of holding work. Some are more intrusive, some are less."

From page 183:"The Holding Nurturing Process (HNP), introduced in the [second of ten sessions in the 'two-week intensive'], is used throughout the remainder of the treatment. The child's oppositional and controlling behaviors typically escalate as a result of deliberate therapeutic confrontation and structure. In contrast to other modalities, where the expression of the child's intense affect is discouraged, our goal is to encourage the release of these emotions..."

Pag3w 133-134: "The tension-discharge-relaxation cycle is identical to the first-year-of-life attachment cycle in structure and function. In the first-year attachment cycle, the infant's level of tension increases due to needs and discomfort. This tension is discharged via physical release and signaling (crying, sobbing, kicking). The infant relaxes as the reliable and responsive caregiver provides need fulfillment and safety. This is the time that attachment is most likely to occur. A similar process occurs therapeutically. The child's level of tension increases while confronting issues in the context of the HNP [Holding Nurturing Process, aka Holding Therapy, Rage Reduction, etc.]. This tension is discharged via physical and emotional release (sobbing, screaming, kicking)."

Page 154:Psychodramatic Reenactment... Boyfriend: "I'm going to throw you against the wall." Therapist [to 10-year-old girl]: "What are you thinking and feeling now...?" [Girl]: "I'm scared he's gonna kill me and no one is here to help me."

Page 191: "Mother-child attachment experiences are repeated many times during treatment. The emphasis on the attachment to a mother figure is based on the primacy of the mother-infant bond. The regressive experience enables the child to simulate that original mother-infant attachment. We often use baby bottles and blankets during the attachment exercises to enhance authenticity."

[This review was written by a volunteer consumer advocate who has no financial interest in any mental health practice or product.]

Ideas presented used immediately
With the info presented, I was able to immediately put into action some of the ideas.And they worked!I feel more confident parenting and isn't that the goal of the book?

Excellent resource for clinicians and parents
Many children who were abused, neglected, or exposed to domestic violence in early childhood have attachment problems.This may lead to violent and other anti-social behaviors.Any clincian helping youth with these problems should read this book.It is helpful, clear, and a great resource.
Dr. kathy Seifert
author of
How Children Become Violent - Parent Version ... Read more

Product Description
A Safe Place for Caleb is a comprehensive and richly illustrated resource for individuals of all ages who are dealing with attachment problems. Parents, professionals, and lay people will find this book helpful in understanding and addressing attachment disorders in children, adolescents, and adults.The first half of the book is an interactive story that follows the experiences of Caleb, a young boy who relates his difficulties and frustrations in forming and sustaining healthy relationships. He learns strategies for coping with attachment issues during his journey to the Safe Tree House, where he is introduced to the four "attachment healing keys". These act as therapeutic tools to unlock difficulties with attachment, and are presented using text and illustrations that are easily accessible for readers of all ages, even for young children.The second half of the book presents a summary of current scientific thought on attachment styles and disorders, and provides a wide array of assessment tools, photocopiable material and healing techniques to address attachment difficulties. Lists of helpful organizations and relevant reading materials are also presented.Based on established psychological principles, the book is a unique and imaginative guide for professionals, parents, caregivers, and people of all ages who are dealing with attachment issues. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (2)

my clients love this
wonderful book aka resistant RAD kids will listen to Caleb and disengage from therapeutic power struggles ... I've been using it over a series of sessions ... there are several stopping points in the book and in each chapter so use it at the clients pace, adding in my own two cents but they're pretty good at catching me (did you say that or did Caleb?)

A Safe Place for Caleb
An excellent guide for parents, children, foster parents, adoptive parents and anyone in general living or dealing with children with issues which is just about everybody.Bought 5 copies just to give away & one for the office waiting room. ... Read more

Product Description
This book offers a thorough examination and discussion of the evidence on attachment, its influence on development, and attachment disorders. In Part One, the authors outline attachment theory, the influence of sensitive and insensitive caregiving and the applicability of attachment theory across cultures. Part Two presents the various instruments used to assess attachment and caregiving. Part Three outlines the influence of attachment security on the child's functioning. Part Four examines the poorly understood phenomenon of attachment disorder. Presenting the evidence of scientific research, the authors reveal how attachment disorders may be properly conceptualised. Referring to some of the wilder claims made about attachment disorder, they argue for a disciplined, scientific approach that is grounded in both attachment theory and the evidence base. The final part is an overview of evidence-based interventions designed to help individuals form secure attachments. Summarising the existing knowledge base in accessible language, this is a comprehensive reference book for professionals including social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, teachers, lawyers and researchers.Foster and adoptive parents, indeed all parents, and students will also find it of interest. ... Read more

Product Description
This book presents a short and accessible introduction to what 'attachment' means and how to recognise attachment disorders in children. The author explains how complex problems in childhood may stem from the parent-child relationship during a child's early formative years, and later from the child's engagement with the broader social world. It explores the mindset of difficult and traumatised children and the motivations behind their apparently antisocial and defensive tendencies. "A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder" includes case vignettes to illustrate examples, and offers a comprehensive set of tried-and-tested practical strategies for parents, carers and practitioners in supportive roles caring for children. ... Read more

Product Description
The culmination of 40 years of research into the personality disorders, this book documents the breakthrough integration that has brought Dr.Masterson’s theory into its fullest possible dimension. Initially descriptive, it evolved into a developmental theory, then into a developmental object relations theory, and, finally, into a developmental self and object relations theory. Now, with the recent emergence of attachment theory and the theory of the neurobiologic development of the self, the picture is complete and a clear and comprehensive statement to depict the origin and development of the personality disorders has taken shape. Dr. Masterson and his fine team of coauthors have assembled a rich and comprehensive volume that features discussions of transference and countertransference, consciousness, mother-infant attachment, the psychotherapy of trauma, and therapeutic neutrality under challenge, among many other important topics. The members of the team are Margot T. Beattie, Barbara L. Short, Donald D. Roberts, Ken Seider, Steven K. Reed, Joseph Farley, Jerry S. Katz, and Judith Pearson. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (4)

Latest Masterson's work
This book unravels exactly what the title sets out to do. It is an investigative discourse into the fundamendal developmental phase of the Mother-child dyad. It gives biological evidence as to the importance of Neural networks being established "through the lens of ATTACHENT THEORY" The work rests a lot on Bowlby's earlier work - but takes the empirical evidence of bonding/or lack thereof and it's neurobiological function in the psychological growth of 'THE SELF'. It offers a very convincing argument to the existence of Neural deficits in various PERSONALITY DISORDERS. Excellent!

Best Explanation on Disorders of the Self
Dr. Masterson's object relations theory and theory on disorders of the self offers answers to the pathology of personality.His in-depth description of the origin of disorders of the self gives the reader an excellent explanation as well as an extraordinary upgrade on integrating the dynamic of individuals facing the challenge of emotional dysregulation, attachment, individuation and interpersonal dysfunction by incorporating neurobiology, developmental and object relations theories.This book is a well-crafted text containing chapters written by faculty trained by him that will help the reader understand the origins of psychological and emotional suffering leading to a pathway of improvement of disorders of the self.A definite collector's book.

The Neurobiology of Attachment !!
Dr. Masterson does it again, this time by offering a"cutting edge" new clinical paradigm in which personality disorders and their fluctuating mood states are best understood through the lens of their difficulty with attachment. This indeed provides an alternative to a profession that has gone pharmacologically mad without appropriate clinical and theoretical understanding of human behavior.

Sure to be a Classic
This book represents a synthesis of decades of research and clinical experience treating persons with disorders of the self. Here a true Elder Analyst reviews the work of his life and gives an excellent perspective of the field. The book integrates current research from the field of Attachment Theory and Neurobiology with a Developmental, Self, and Object Relations Theory.The book goes beyond theory to present practical clinical tools for treatment of the persons with Narcissistic, Borderline, and Schizoid Personality Disorders: a population once thought to be untreatable. ... Read more

Product Description
This book is a guide to parenting emotionally disturbedchildren back to health! This method was honed on the toughest kids inthe US and has proven very successful in helping them to becomerespectful, responsible and fun to be with. A clear focused plan forguiding angry, defiant, destructive kids back to emotional health andhappiness is all here. If you want to make a difference in the life ofa child, this method will do it! ... Read more

Customer Reviews (70)

A Review by a Clinical Psychologist
As a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in working with families (I'm also a licensed marriage and family therapist), I am always looking for resources for parents to read on their child's condition and, thus far, haven't been very successful on finding material on RAD.I also always make it a practice to never recommend a book that I have not first read for myself.This book is the closest that I've come to a RAD parenting guide, but with a lot of the pros that are found in its pages comes a lot of cons.I recommend Thomas' book to RAD parents with a lot of caution, and here's what I've noticed while reading this book.

The pros:the book is small, user friendly, is written in everyday language, presents an excellent primer and overview of the conceptualization and treatment challenges of RAD (from an object relations perspective) and is chocked full of specific parenting ideas for all types of behavioral problems.Clearly, it is evident that Nancy Thomas has been doing this for years and I have no doubt that she is successful in her efforts.If this were all that this book had in it, I'd give it a 4-5 star rating.However, the cons in the book bring the rating down significantly.

With respect to the cons; first, some of her advice is impractical, especially if you are a single parent and have limited time and income (i.e.paying for regular respite care and her suggestion that "[therapeutic parenting] dedicates a minimum of six months to a year full time commitment to caring for the child (p. 24)."How many parent(s) can do either of these options realistically?

An second con is that many parents, including myself, do not agree with many of her core philosophies.For example, her comments in a paragraph on page 107 that that "school work is entirely the child's responsibility", "Schools have their own built-in consequences for problems.Let the consequences fall.", and "you do not need to check the child's grades or even ask if he has homework".As a psychologist who interacts with children and schools, I have found that most schools are concerned about the masses and not about your specific child's needs; unless you are an advocate for your child and have a regular ongoing relationship with the teachers.If anything, a parent with a RAD child should have MORE knowledgeable about their child's educational endeavors and MORE interaction with the school and the teachers.Nancy Thomas either just doesn't get this, or lives in an area where her school district is clearly not the norm.

A third con, is that some of her parenting methods can be perceived of by parents, and rightfully so, as cruel and humiliating to an already traumatized child.Just one example of this is in her suggestion to lie to a child so that he or she learns what it feels like to be lied to, since the RAD child doesn't really "get it" any other way.This is something that I don't agree with.Yes, she does make it a point to state that none of these techniques are to be done with malicious intent, but I just can't agree with some of her recommendations nonetheless.



Overall, given the lack of books in this area for parents of children with RAD, I would still recommend it, despite the cons.However, I tell the parents upfront that they can take out of the book what they want to and that it is ok if they don't like or implement all of her suggestions.As such, they also need to know that my ideology and methodologies are not the same as Nancy Thomas; except, perhaps, some of the philosophies as to the causes of RAD.With this caveat in mind, I think that this book can still be useful to parents.I just wish that an author would have written something like this text, but without all of the above negatives that hinder its overall utility.Maybe, someday, a psychologist will be inspired to write one of these books (but I know that it won't be me).Until that day, this book may just have to suffice.

Great Parenting Guide
Nancy Thomas does a great job of helping you understand your RAD children.My wife & I have adopted four children & have found this book & her DVD, "Captive In The Classroom" to be the best tools we have come across in helping us help our children overcome their past.I would definitely recommend this to anyone who feels hopeless in their efforts to help their children overcome their difficult pasts.

A surprisingly quick read
I was intrigued by this book.I like that the author gives lots of examples of things to say to your child and things to do with/for them.Despite the title and photo on the front cover, her book is filled with love and it comes through in her writing.Unfortunately, some of her suggestions aren't feasible when you're an adoptive family.Finding a suitable respite provider for example.And what happens when that provider says no thank you to the job?Anyway, this was a different point of view and if this woman can help the children who've been placed in her care, her advice is certainly worth the read.

When Love is Not Enough
Excellent with detailed information & explanations of the RAD child.Allows
a parent insight into the child's emotional explosions & the reasons it happens.
Detailed infomation on how to handle both the child's growth towards being independent
& the parents emotional stress during those years.

OK
It was a gift so I don't know first hand how good the book is but I have heard good things from others ... Read more

Product Description
This book is a guide to parenting emotionally disturbedchildren back to health! This method was honed on the toughest kids inthe US and has proven very successful in helping them to becomerespectful, responsible and fun to be with. A clear focused plan forguiding angry, defiant, destructive kids back to emotional health andhappiness is all here. If you want to make a difference in the life ofa child, this method will do it! ... Read more

Customer Reviews (70)

A Review by a Clinical Psychologist
As a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in working with families (I'm also a licensed marriage and family therapist), I am always looking for resources for parents to read on their child's condition and, thus far, haven't been very successful on finding material on RAD.I also always make it a practice to never recommend a book that I have not first read for myself.This book is the closest that I've come to a RAD parenting guide, but with a lot of the pros that are found in its pages comes a lot of cons.I recommend Thomas' book to RAD parents with a lot of caution, and here's what I've noticed while reading this book.

The pros:the book is small, user friendly, is written in everyday language, presents an excellent primer and overview of the conceptualization and treatment challenges of RAD (from an object relations perspective) and is chocked full of specific parenting ideas for all types of behavioral problems.Clearly, it is evident that Nancy Thomas has been doing this for years and I have no doubt that she is successful in her efforts.If this were all that this book had in it, I'd give it a 4-5 star rating.However, the cons in the book bring the rating down significantly.

With respect to the cons; first, some of her advice is impractical, especially if you are a single parent and have limited time and income (i.e.paying for regular respite care and her suggestion that "[therapeutic parenting] dedicates a minimum of six months to a year full time commitment to caring for the child (p. 24)."How many parent(s) can do either of these options realistically?

An second con is that many parents, including myself, do not agree with many of her core philosophies.For example, her comments in a paragraph on page 107 that that "school work is entirely the child's responsibility", "Schools have their own built-in consequences for problems.Let the consequences fall.", and "you do not need to check the child's grades or even ask if he has homework".As a psychologist who interacts with children and schools, I have found that most schools are concerned about the masses and not about your specific child's needs; unless you are an advocate for your child and have a regular ongoing relationship with the teachers.If anything, a parent with a RAD child should have MORE knowledgeable about their child's educational endeavors and MORE interaction with the school and the teachers.Nancy Thomas either just doesn't get this, or lives in an area where her school district is clearly not the norm.

A third con, is that some of her parenting methods can be perceived of by parents, and rightfully so, as cruel and humiliating to an already traumatized child.Just one example of this is in her suggestion to lie to a child so that he or she learns what it feels like to be lied to, since the RAD child doesn't really "get it" any other way.This is something that I don't agree with.Yes, she does make it a point to state that none of these techniques are to be done with malicious intent, but I just can't agree with some of her recommendations nonetheless.



Overall, given the lack of books in this area for parents of children with RAD, I would still recommend it, despite the cons.However, I tell the parents upfront that they can take out of the book what they want to and that it is ok if they don't like or implement all of her suggestions.As such, they also need to know that my ideology and methodologies are not the same as Nancy Thomas; except, perhaps, some of the philosophies as to the causes of RAD.With this caveat in mind, I think that this book can still be useful to parents.I just wish that an author would have written something like this text, but without all of the above negatives that hinder its overall utility.Maybe, someday, a psychologist will be inspired to write one of these books (but I know that it won't be me).Until that day, this book may just have to suffice.

Great Parenting Guide
Nancy Thomas does a great job of helping you understand your RAD children.My wife & I have adopted four children & have found this book & her DVD, "Captive In The Classroom" to be the best tools we have come across in helping us help our children overcome their past.I would definitely recommend this to anyone who feels hopeless in their efforts to help their children overcome their difficult pasts.

A surprisingly quick read
I was intrigued by this book.I like that the author gives lots of examples of things to say to your child and things to do with/for them.Despite the title and photo on the front cover, her book is filled with love and it comes through in her writing.Unfortunately, some of her suggestions aren't feasible when you're an adoptive family.Finding a suitable respite provider for example.And what happens when that provider says no thank you to the job?Anyway, this was a different point of view and if this woman can help the children who've been placed in her care, her advice is certainly worth the read.

When Love is Not Enough
Excellent with detailed information & explanations of the RAD child.Allows
a parent insight into the child's emotional explosions & the reasons it happens.
Detailed infomation on how to handle both the child's growth towards being independent
& the parents emotional stress during those years.

OK
It was a gift so I don't know first hand how good the book is but I have heard good things from others ... Read more

Product Description
Attachment is fundamental to child development and is a two-way process that at its best ensures that children receive the care they require to thrive. The article covers attachment in infancy and childhood and adult attachment, as well as issues related to attunement, inner working models, mutual regulation, and repair. Everything you've wanted to know about attachment in one brief article. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (1)

Everything You've Wanted to Know About Attachment
The author packs a lot into this article.If you want a clear and relatively brief statement about attachment, this is it.Highly readable, the article describes the many aspects of child and adult attachment and shows how fundamental it is to human development. Case examples and practice notes for professionals show how to apply ideas related to attachment to everyday life. ... Read more

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Customer Reviews (2)

A Very Good Clinical Resource
As a child psychologist who works primarily with foster and adopted children and their families, this is a book I turn to as a reference quite often. Clearly, foster and adopted kids are not the only one's who struggle with attachment-related concerns, but much of our understanding about the process stems from research with this population. This book includes the writing from top names in the field and it lays out the theoretical basis for attachment in a clear manner. Parents will probably find the information too dry and clinical, but practitioners should have a copy, especially if they are working with at-risk populations of children and families.

Christopher J. Alexander, Ph.D. (Author, 'Diagnosis, Assessment, and Treatment of Foster and Adopted Children; A Guide for Parents and Practitioners,' 2009).

Excellent book tackling attachment issues
As a social worker, this is one of the best Attachment Theory books. I would recommend pairing it with a Child Developmental text, such as Doug Davies work. In conjunction, excellent material with concrete practicalities. ... Read more

Product Description
Today, more students are coming to school utterly detached from school and a desire to learn there. It would wrong to assume that these students are merely apathetic, unmotivated or lazy. Some may have attachment issues that can result from different levels of early childhood neglect, abuse, and trauma. Detached students sometimes come with varying degrees of past home disruption, placements in foster care, adoptive homes, residential placements, or emergency shelter placements. The school setting can be an important place to assist in stabilization for these students and families. This book is full of strategies and skill-building interventions, activities and hints school professionals can use to help these students an/or pass on to their parents. It combines research and theory on attachment issues and addresses five types of detachment for students including:Detachment from SelfDetachment from Role of StudentDetachment from Peers and School Support Detachment from Basic EffortDetachment from Sense of Success ... Read more

Customer Reviews (9)

Good Insight
I found this book very helpful and with much new insight. What is different about this book compared to others I have read on RAD is that the author has a fresh approach and raised some new ways of looking at the disorder.

However, I did think the section about Maslow's Hierarchy was a bit too repetitious, but that is because I have studied Maslow and psychology. I can see this section being beneficial to people who have not heard of Maslow, but for others that section was a bit too long.

Overall, I would recommend this book and it is one that has really helped me gain a deeper understanding of RAD.

An excellent starting point...
I just finished this book yesterday, and thought I'd write a few words. Firstly, thanks to Mr Stoller for writing it and sharing his insights. Many people talk about writing books of their experiences and ideas but few actually do it. Good on him! I read this book because my step-daughter has Reactive Attachment Disorder and it is incredibly difficult to deal with and even more difficult to learn about and set about understanding and repairing. I have come out of this book with a healthy dose of that wonderful feeling you get when you discover you are not alone in something like RAD.

On a constructive criticism level, I felt the book jumped around a wee bit - the flow could have been better. His 'repair cycle' makes absolute sense and is easy to relate to. I was almost immediately able to start using it with my step-daughter once I had put the book down, which is wonderful. I enjoyed the last third of the book most, where there was practical information, advice and examples. Having said that, the first part of the book is necessary to fully understand the last - but came across as incredibly scientific in parts - I had to re-read sentences a few times to get the full gist (but was glad I made the effort). He made the comment fairly early in the text that this book would mainly apply to the 'aggressive' type of RAD kids. My stepdaughter isn't the aggressive type per se, so when I read that, my heart sank a bit. I perservered however and found that the book contained sensational information and scenarios which absolutely could have been written about her - so perhaps he need not have written that sentence - it could put people off, which would be a massive shame...

I'm going to read more books on this (which Mr Stoller advises too), so that I can become more fully aware of it - it seems the only way to get on top of it and to ensure positive change in my step-daughter.

Reactive Attachment Disorder is a hellishly destructive and difficult thing to live with, particularly if the child is not your own and the circumstances which created the disorder are not of your own making. I discovered that that was the name for the hell I was living with through, believe it or not, a Facebook group I started. A kind soul in New York read a few of my posts and found they resonated with her own dire experiences (The Reactive Attachment Disorder symptoms my step-daughter exhibits include but are not limited to: incredibly controlling behaviour, expert manipulation including trying to set my husband against each other, pants wetting for attention even during the last year - she's 9 now, smearing excrement all over the bathroom, having no pride in herself, being shallow, having no empathy, not using her intellect at school, unable to form meaningful bonds with people or things, narcissism, highly inappropriate sexual behaviour, indiscriminately friendly with adults she barely knows, messy, unhygienic, puerile, hyperactivity, superficially charming, oppositional, dishonest. I could go on but I'm sure this paints a picture...). She sent me a link which I read and immediately got the sense that I was onto something. I have been researching this ever since, have educated my husband to it, have located a local child psychologist who is au fait with this disorder and is now consulting with my step-daughter regularly and generally feel better because for me, understanding something is more than half the battle. Life with my step-daughter continues to be a challenge of course, but armed with my new knowledge, I know not to take her often appalling behaviour personally.

IT JUST MAKES SENSE
The minute I completed this book. I wanted to write to Dr. Stoller and thank him. This book opened my mind and my heart to these kids. I have struggled to understand my 7 yr old Grandson (and also my RAD son, now 30). His points are clear, at least to this grandma. The cycle he descibes had been my ongoing experience. I had been getting into the cycle and then the cycle would re-occur again and again. I would get discouraged but kept on. This book did it for me. He gives you hope. I had instinctivly been doing what Dr. Stroller suggests in the book with my grandson. But I would get frustrated and confused and disheartened. The book made me realize the "battles" are necessary and not to be avoided. RAD is not heredity and it is not fixable with pills. So I will carry on and to help one little guy trust again. It just made sense to this grandma.

A little too much psycho-babble for my taste
While this book was somewhat helpful, I felt the author strayed off course a little too much. The purpose of the book was, I thought, to aid other parents of RAD children. He spent a lot of time creating new terms and, it seemed, trying to justify his authority on the subject with a lot of jargon, charts, name-dropping and pointing out why psychiatrists are wrong and he's right. I was on chapter nine before I even reached any practical strategies to be used in the actual parenting. They seemed few and far between. It often seemed as if he was trying to talk over my head (he didn't succeed, but it did annoy me). He also took a long time to express a very simple idea. A lot of it seemed redundant. It was okay, but I've read more helpful books. Most of us don't need a detailed map of what the problem is, what we want are practical new ideas. I just don't think I would recommend this one.

overambitious
While he gives some useful advice on understanding and raising children with RAD he clearly lacks some broader knowledge of developmental psychology and neurobiology. For example his assertion that kids who are seeking to control their environment without having had abuse and neglect in their early childhood should be considered spoiled brats shows a broad lack of knowledge on neurobiological disorders. He might want to google 'Aspergers' and he'd be surprised.
This book would have been much better had he written about what he knew - raising kids with RAD.And I am sorry -his assertion that a degree as a dentist does qualify'to clinically diagnose and treat' does in my opinion not extend beyond dental medicine. It is an overambitious book and with his personal knowledge he could have written something better and more to the point. ... Read more

Product Description
Four audio CD's of Dr. Bryan Post's lectures/workshops for parents and clinicians. Dr. post explains the relationship between post traumatic stress disorder and children with attachment challenged and defiant behaviors. Dr. Post explains how parents/clinicians can reach such children and help them to heal. ... Read more

Product Description
"Through active use of self, the therapist is able to follow the client into unresolved areas, lead him when necessary, and communicate therapeutic presence in a fully active/reflective manner."--Daniel Hughes, Creating Capacity for Attachment

Creating Capacity for Attachment presents a comprehensive examination of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP), a relationship-based approach to parenting and treating children who suffer from trauma-attachment disorders. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (3)

Outstanding book about an Evidence-based, effective, and empirically validated treatment
I really enjoyed reading this book.I work with foster and adoptive families and this book is full of very useful material that I've been able to use to help those I work with.This approach, Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy, which is an empirically validated, effective, and evidence-base method is just great.The book details the basis of this approach and provides many practical examples.The chapters by parents are great for parents to read.I especially liked the analyzed transcript of a session; it gave me a good picture of what this approach looks like.

Principles of Attachment Parenting

Assessing Children with Complex Trauma & Attachment Disorders

Attachment-Focused Parenting: Effective Strategies to Care for Children (Norton Professional Books)

good quality content, poor quality binding
I like the book so far, and think this will be helpful for our family.However, many pages have fallen from binding since receiving this book by mail less than 24 hours ago.

Excellent Overview of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy
This collection of essays offers a clearly articulated, very helpful overview of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP), a solid family systems approach to working with children and families who are struggling with attachment and trauma issues. Highly recommended from both a theoretical and practical perspective!
... Read more

Product Description
Learn to build the trust you need to help children in crisis!

Rebuilding Attachments with Traumatized Children: Healing from Losses, Violence, Abuse, and Neglect is a therapeutic guide to helping troubled children move beyond the traumatic experiences that haunt them. Author Dr. Richard Kagan, Director of Psychological Services for Parsons Child and Family Center in Albany, New York, presents comprehensive information on how to understand—and surmount—the impact of loss, neglect, separation, and violence on children’s development, how to discover and foster strengths in children and their families, and how to rebuild connections and hope for children who are at risk of harm to themselves and others. This unique book is designed to be used in tandem with Real Life Heroes: A Life Storybook for Children (Haworth), an innovative workbook that helps children develop the self-esteem they need to overcome the worries and fears of their past through a creative arts approach that fosters positive values and a sense of pride.

Rebuilding Attachments with Traumatized Children helps children move from negative or suppressed memories to a more positive perspective, not by denying hardships, but by drawing strength from the supportive people in their lives. Practitioners can use the book as a framework and detailed guide to assessment, engagement, development of service plans, and implementation of attachment and trauma therapy. The book is a comprehensive model for working to build the trust necessary before other trauma therapy approaches can be successfully initiated.

Topics examined in Rebuilding Attachments with Traumatized Children include:

attachment theory and research
types of attachment problems
PTSD behaviors
permanency work with children in placement
ADHD, bipolar, and RAD
cognitive behavioral therapies
storytelling therapies
the myth of perfection
neuropsychological patterns
and much more!

Rebuilding Attachments with Traumatized Children is a rich resource for practitioners, academics, parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, grandparents, and anyone working to show troubled children how to learn from the past, resolve problems in the present, and build a better future. ... Read more

Product Description
Object relations theory has been useful in understanding borderline personality disorder, and from this theoretical orientation have emerged effective approaches to its treatment.However, treatment based on the object relations model has tended to emphasize only the structural and technical facets of the psychotherapy enterprise, i.e., the frame of therapy, therapeutic neutrality, and interventions strategies, etc.In Another Chance to Be Real, Donald and Deanda Roberts argue that the incorporation of attachment theory and research enhances the effectiveness of treatment by expanding the clinical focus to include relational and process factors. ... Read more

Product Description
Rebuilding the broken bond for the child with Reactive Attachment Disorderby Nancy ThomasAs both a mother and a therapeutic parenting specialist, Nancy Thomas shares 20 years of experience in working with high-risk, unattached children who are unable to trust other people. A witty, straightforward approach for birth parents, foster and adoptive parents, and professionals. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (3)

Help is finally here!
As a parent of an adopted son at age 2, I dismissed a lot of his actions as typical boy until at age 5 when it escalated into rage and hatred toward me and my husband. We have no idea how to deal with this and what an appropriate response should be.Nancy Thomas helps to provide an appropriate response based upon what a RAD child needs with insight and humor. I will listen to the tapes again and again.

Where do I get the next cassette??
I have ordered, read, and studied RAD for 2 years, after having a daughter, adopted from Russia at age 14 who has this. This author made cassettes that were easy to listen to, funny and lighthearted at times, yet very informative. My husband, who will read nothing, even listened to them. I didn't have to nag, either! He want's to know what the dad is supposed to do with these children... the tape focuses on the mom. To follow her advice, you could not be a working mom, however. We are ready for tapes #3 and #4!

A very uplifting book for parents of children with RAD.
At last someone who validates your feelings and what you've been going through with your RAD child.A must hear, audio book for any person looking into adoption or has already adopted.Nancy takes you throughsteps to help build a loving relationship with your child. The book helpsyou to laugh, when all you want to do is cry.Nancy puts hope in a heartthat has experienced hopelessness.She explains the loss felt by the childwhen the maternal-child bond is broken.She explains the childs intenserage. Most of all she lets you know that there is hope. It's not easy, it'sa long hard fight, but to see the promise that you know was in your childstart to unfold is worth it. Nancys no nonsense approach has helped me toconnect with my adopted son.A dream that I was beginning to beleive I'dnever experience. ... Read more