Customer Reviews (1)

An excellent introduction to object relations theory
This book was my introduction to object relations theory and inspired an epiphany in understanding personality disorders. I subsequently tried to read other books on object relations and failed.Mansfield makes heavytheoritical material understandable for therapists who don't have strongbackgrounds in dynamic or analytical orientations. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (3)

The Perfect Self-destruction
This book straddles the divide between textbook and a self-help tome. It is full with analyses of cases - from the literary to the real and will, probably, be of value mostly to therapists. Its main subject is the narcissist's self-destruction in its attempt at perfection. There are a few types of narcissistic self-destructive and self defeating behaviours. The Self-Punishing, Guilt-Purging Behaviours are intended to inflict punishment and to provide the punished party with a feeling of instant relief. This is very reminiscent of a compulsive-ritualistic behavior. The person harbors guilt. It could be an "ancient" guilt, a "sexual" guilt (Freud), or a "social" guilt. He internalized and introjected voices of meaningful others that consistently and convincingly and from positions of authority informed him that he is no good, guilty, deserving of punishment or retaliation, corrupt. His life is thus transformed into an on-going trial. The constancy of this trial, the never adjourning tribunal IS the punishment. It is Kafka's "trial": meaningless, undecipherable, never-ending, leading to no verdict, subject to mysterious and fluid laws and presided by capricious judges. Then there are the Extracting Behaviours. People with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. Intimacy is formed not only within a couple, but also in a workplace, in a neighbourhood, with friends, while collaborating on a project. Intimacy is another word for emotional involvement, which is the result of interactions in constant and predictable (safe) proximity. PDs interpret intimacy (not DEPENDENCE, but intimacy) as strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, death in installments. They are terrorized by it. The self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. NPDs (narcissists), for instance, feel elated and relieved after they unshackle these "chains". They feel they broke a siege, that they are liberated, free at last. Last, but not rare, there are the Default Behaviours. We are all afraid of new situations, new possibilities, new challenges, new circumstances and new demands. Being healthy, being successful, getting married, becoming a mother, or someone's boss - are often abrupt breaks with the past. Some self-defeating behaviors are intended to preserve the past, to restore it, to protect it from the winds of change, to inertially avoid opportunities. Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited".

Makes Pathological Narcicissm Understandable
I have read this book, and know this Psychoanalyst. This book embodys muchof his day-to day thinking and actual technique, and contains both somevery interesting clinical vignettes, and also an underlying message: thatNarcissistic behavior is ultimately self-defeating for the analysand's lifeproject -- a very difficult concept to get through topatients/psychotherapy clients, particularly in a culture tht continues toworhship and encourage narcissistic pursuits, at all costs, and despite allthe warnings of therapists, history, and the great religions.Iheartilyrecommend this text as an adjunct to the more turgidly written, abstracttomes in the field, such asKernberg's "Borderline Conditions andPathological Narcissism", for the former's more experiental approachto understanding and managing esentially the same spectrum of personalityconditions. Reading Rothstein, one gets it, recognizes the subjects asdysfunctional, butrecognizable, and somewhat familiar

beings at that. AKerbergian read of the same clincial personalities regards them as "narcisstic aliens" whose psychodynamic structure, and whoseformative psychodynamics are unlike anyone "we" know...Kernberg's hypotheses areacademic and cerebral achievmnts, to beapplauded, for sure, but Rothstein's treatise on the same patients is moreunderstandable, accessable, and hopefully theraputically useful. A verygood book.

textbook polysyllabic language, interesting case studies
This book was suggested to me as a more reader-friendly look at narcissistic personality disorder. Unfortunately the author's high-flown textbook language often mired me in words more than ideas. Nonetheless,there is some interesting analysis given to such works as Tolstoy's AnnaKarenina...among many others. ... Read more

Book Description
The therepeutic task, with these patients, necessitates a special form of attunement and a particular treatment stance that take into account the often hidden sensitivities and painful feelings that lie beneath the surface for both child and parent. An understanding of these narcissistic vulnerabilities better informs the treatment and helps to modulate the countertransference feelings that alomst always arise. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (1)

This book is for professionals only
I was highly disappointed as this book was really written for professionals only (psychiatrists - therapists).I am an educated person, and I still found this not user friendly.I plan to give it to the child psychologist I am working with and hope to find something else more useful. ... Read more

Book Description
In this second edition of her groundbreaking book, Dr. Joan Lachkar addresses the ever-changing faces and phases of narcissism within the context of marital therapy and discusses the new developments in the treatment of marital conflict. Drawing from many different theoretical frameworks, mainly self-psychology (Kohut) and object relations (Klein), the works of D.W, Winnicott, and Kernberg are expanded to further explain why couples stay in painful, conflictual, never-ending relationships (traumatic bonding). The new chapters, case illustrations, and updated treatment sequences are invaluable to both beginning and experienced clinicians. The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple is an essential text for every marital therapist, offering an improved understanding of marital pathology within the framework of our changing world. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (3)

Reading to know
For Knowing sake, the actual observation of existence of such narcissistic/ Borderline couple, the problems on both the extremes and the related therapy were interesting to read. Although the concepts of self-objects, mirroring, projection are difficult to understand, just the little of what made sense to me was interesting.

It all makes sense now.
I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and was involved in a relationship with someone that had NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)but wasn't aware when I was IN the relationship. This book helped me not only understand why he and I continued the "dance" of what seemed like never ending turmoil, but also why we were attracted to one another to begin with. Many things from our childhood determines who we choose as romantic partners. If you or someone you know is BPD and involved with an NPD, this book is a MUST read! Excellent!

The Danse Macabre
It takes two to tango - and to sustain a long-term abusive relationship. The abuser and the abused form a bond, a dynamic, and a dependence. Expressions such as "follies a deux" and the "Stockholm Syndrome (Trauma Bonding)" capture facets - two of a myriad - of this danse macabre. It often ends fatally. It is always an excruciatingly painful affair.

Lachkar's grossly overlooked book is the best introduction I know of to abusive dyads comprised of two people with personality disorders. Replete with case studies and an impressive theoretical background (mainly, but not only, Object Relations Theories) - the book is a vade mecum for both professionals and sufferers.

There is more to an abusive dyad than mere pecuniary convenience. The abuser - stealthily but unfailingly - exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological makeup of his victim. The abused party may have low self-esteem, a fluctuating sense of self-worth, primitive defence mechanisms, phobias, mental health problems, a disability, a history of failure, or a tendency to blame herself, or to feel inadequate (autoplastic neurosis). She may have come from an abusive family or environment - which conditioned her to expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme and rare cases - the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek ill-treatment and pain. Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited". ... Read more

Book Description
The destructive narcissistic pattern (DNP) is a term used to describe a constellation of characteristics generally associated with pathological narcissism, but which are fewer and less severe. Nonetheless, these characteristics negatively impact relationships. The destructive narcisist's typical interaction produces negative reactions in others. For example, the individual devalues others, lacks empathy, has a sense of entitlement, and is emotionally shallow. He may function very well and be successful economically, but is unable to form and maintain stable relationships, as evidenced by numerous partners or marriages. The DNP, Brown asserts, is often unrecognized. Although others may find him frustrating and difficult, the individual with DNP can be charming when charm is perceived to be to his benefit. In addition to identifying destructive narcissism, Brown provides strategies to help the reader moderate or eliminate the impact of these destructive narcissistic behaviors, feelings, and attitudes. Attention is given to understanding projection, projective identification, and identification as well as how those processes trigger reactions. This book will be an important tool for counselors, psychologists, clinical social workers, and other mental health professionals, and students in these fields. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (3)

Have you ever lived with one?
I really enjoyed this book.The writing is quite informative for those receiving their first introduction to this personality type.I'm a divorce attorney and have seen, and continue to see, a record number of divorces due to this personality type.Narcissists make very poor partners and the relationship becomes toxic.Those in relationships with narcissists are continually told that they are the ones causing the problem.Due to my extensive experience with these relationships I wrote a book for my clients about the toxic/narcissistic personality type and I use my divorce cases to illustrate the toxic behaviors.The book is called "Toxic Relationships, How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationship".Those who have read this book may also be interested to read about toxic/narcissistic relationships, how to live in them, and improve them.

The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern changed my life!
This is an excellent book which thoroughly addresses the signs of symptoms of the narcissistic personality.For years I used to think, "If I could only find the right words,I could explain to my husband how much his behavior is hurting me and others." Professor Brown has a deep understanding of what the experience is like for a family member. She not only addresses the behavior of the person with narcissistic behavior, but the thoughts, feelings and experience of loved ones.She gives guidelines and coping strategies to establish clear boundaries.

Partial Narcissists
Pathological narcissism is a spectrum - from narcissistic traits and narcissistic transient reactions to the full blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Brown explores the grey area between NPD and narcissistic self-destructiveness and other-destruction. We can group these behaviors according to their underlying motivation. The Self-Punishing, Guilt-Purging Behaviours - these are intended to inflict punishment and to provide the punished party with a feeling of instant relief. The Extracting Behaviours - people with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. PDs interpret intimacy (not DEPENDENCE, but intimacy) as strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, death in installments. They are terrorized by it. The self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. The Default Behaviours - self-defeating behaviors are intended to preserve the past, to restore it, to protect it from the winds of change, to inertially avoid opportunities. All these behaviour patterns are described here and linked psychodynamically to pathological narcissism. Sam Vaknin, author of 'Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited'. ... Read more

Book Description
This carfully crafted work on the development and treatment of borderline and narcissistic disorders reflects the sweeping changes that have taken place in psychoanalytic theory and practice. Written by Dr. Donald Rinsley, considered among the foremost of psychoanalytic teachers, clinicians, and writers, it is succinct yet comprehensive, integrating classical and object relations concepts with Mahler's developmental phase theory and the contributions of Klein, Kernberg, Kohut, and others. Excertps from actual therapy sessions demonstrate Rinsley's disciplend and compaassionate expertise as an analytic therapist. ... Read more

Book Description
Volume 17 of Progress in Self Pcychology begins with the next installment of Strozier's "From the Kohut Archives": first publication of a fragment by Kohut on social class and self-formation and of four letters from his final decade.Taken together, Hazel Ipp's richly textured "Case of Gayle" and the commentaries that it elicits (Ringstrom, Doctors, Fisch, Knoblauch) amount to a searching reexamination of narcissistic pathology and the therapeutic process.This illuminating reprise on the clinical phenomenology Kohut associated with "narcissistic personality disorder" accounts for the volume title.The ability of modern self psychology to integrate central concepts from other theories gains expression in Teicholz's proposal for a two-tiered theory of intersubjectivity, in Brownlow's examination of the fear of intimacy, and in Garfield's model for the treatment of psychosis.The social relevance of self psychology comes to the fore in an examination of the experience of adopted children (Siegel and Siegel) and an inquiry into the roots of mystical experience (Rector), both of which concern the ubiquity of the human longing for an idealized parent imago.Among contributions that bring self-psychological ideas to bear on the arts, Frank Lachmann's provocative "Words and Music," which links the history of music to the history of psychoanalytic thought in the quest for universal substrata of psychological experience, deserves special mention.Annette Lachmann's consideration of empathic failure among the characters in Shakespeare's Othello and Silverstein's reflections on Schubert's self-states and selfobject needs in relation to the specific poems set to music in his Lieder round out a collection as richly broad based as the field of self psychology itself.
... Read more

Book Description
With 5 million Americans suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and another 10 million with the less severe syndrome Destructive Narcissistic Pattern, Loving the Self-Absorbed is a timely book. Author Nina Brown gives readers specific steps for limiting the effect of a partner's narcissistic behavior and getting what they need out of the relationship. She explains the five types of "destructive narcissism" and how to recognize their effects on a relationship. Realistic strategies show how to set mutually agreeable behaviors. Because narcissists lack natural empathy, Brown teaches readers how to change their own "fantasy" expectations, create boundaries, learn new "attending behaviors," listen and respond in a self-caring way, and learn when to avoid and ignore especially bad behavior. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (14)

Excellent guide
Other reviews mentioned the impossibility of having a relationship with a narcissistic person.Though their behavior can be abusive, learning to protect yourself from this abuse when it is unavoidable (a boss, an ex-partner whom you share children with, etc.) is important.Sometimes people, such as myself, choose to continue a marriage with a narcissistic individual.In this case, it is nice to know that you can protect yourself, you can live a life separate from the narcissist while also building on the positive of the relationship.I believe all individuals have good qualities and bad qualities, and really it comes down to what you, as an individual, can put up with.

This book is one of the best ones I've read about narcissistic personality disorder.I am a list person, and this book has lots of great lists to help you see your partner's AND YOUR narcissistic traits (yes, we all have them to some extent).It is a great guide.

Great info and a great relief.
Find it very helpful.If you want to stay with this partner, it provides a great perspective.

OffersImportant Insights - Essential reading for victims
First off - I am grateful to this book for concisely identifying what it is I am dealing with.Regardless of the critics who say "why would you want to stay?" - this book has tremendous value in helping one to identify the various manifestations of narcissism.

This is an important premise of this book - that narcissism is not an all or nothing thing. She posits that - short of the full-blown NPD - there are more subtle shades of "destructive" narcissistic traits. And within these subtle traits are various sub-types.These insights have been very significant for me in that my wife is not a full-blown NPD and most of the reading I have found seems to only deal with the extreme - DSM-defined - personality disorder.

She provides checklists that are very useful in identifying subtle nuanced behaviours.Things I had felt vaguely uneasy about for a long time came into clear focus.She also provided checklists to help identify my 'collaborative' behaviours.This does not, however, have the effect of blaming the victim. Rather it provides some clarity on the previous 'crazy-making' behaviour and my part in that dynamic (for example, as a conciliator and one who tries to anticipate the needs of others - I play right into the hands of my wife's narcissistic tendency's).

The author outlines the various sub-types of destructive narcissists and by understanding my wife's specific 'hungry' narcissistic traits - I now have far better insight and possibly some improved coping skills in dealing.It was affirming to me that some of the 'counterintuitive' coping skills I had already developed (purely as defense-mechanisms) were in fact the kinds of things that were recommended.

Whatever one's ultimate choice is (ie to stay or go) this book will provide invaluable guidance for how to cope with the process and with your partner - now and in the future.

Great resource.
I am impressed with this book, which covers the topic of narcissim without assuming that the victim can just walk away from the relationship.This offers some hope to those who for whatever reason don't have the luxury of ending it, and rather must find ways to cope.

Lots of Insight Given
I bought this book when I was struggling with a very difficult and painful relationship. This book helped me see the behaviors my partner was manifesting were very destructive, had nothing to do with me, and were unchangeable by anyone other than my partner -- who was unwilling to look at himself and his behavior. I had spent several painful months deciding what to do. This book helped me end the relationship and move on with my life. It is easily understood and contains checklists and exercises to help the reader understand the problems the self-absorbed bring to a relationship. ... Read more

Book Description
At last, this much?awaited volume sheds substantial light on one of the most difficult disorders to diagnose and treat: the closet narcissistic disorders of the self. The third of a series on the disorders of the self, and the first written by Dr. Masterson since 1985, the book fills a crucial niche in his work and in the field of personality disorders. It describes not only the psychopathology and treatment of this disorder but, more importantly, demonstrates the key dynamic of the disorders of the self triad: self activation leads to anxiety and depression, which leads to defense. This is the central dynamic of all the disorders of the self, and its particular manifestations in the closet narcissistic personality disorder are described along with the therapeutic techniques required to identify and manage it. The volume succeeds in clarifying a great deal of the clinical confusion surrounding the disorder, and addresses such questions as: What does the clinical picture look like? What is the reason for the diagnostic confusion? How does one resolve it? What other disorders does this disorder mimic? How do you differentiate it from the borderline and/or schizoid disorders of the self? What are some possible etiologic factors? What precipitates a clinical syndrome? What is the intrapsychic structure of this disorder, and how does it compare with other disorders? What is the central psychodynamic? What is a mirroring interpretation of narcissistic vulnerability, and why is it the intervention of choice? What is projective identification, and why is it so important to countertransference reactions to these patients? The Emerging Self offers a clear, down to earth, hands?on presentation of interest to all therapists students, teachers, and practitioners. It will enable the therapist to identify what emotional issues are on center stage, understand how to deal with it, and also how to evaluate the results of his or her efforts. Beyond that, it will illustrate the variations in countertransference that occur as a result of projective identification. Above all, the volume will take its substantial place alongside Psychotherapy of the Borderline Adult and The Real Self as one of the three pillars of Dr. Masterson's whole theoretical approach. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (1)

Outing the Narcissist
Masterson is one of the few theoreticians [come] practitioners to offer a coherent and self-sufficient theory of personality disorders, including the narcissistic one. This book encourages diagnosticians to diagnose pathological narcissism, even when the presenting signs are misleading. Masterson believes in the unacanny ability of pernicious narcissism to disguise itself and manifest in numerous, uncharted, ways. His is a road map backed by impressive amounts of research and practice. The only drawback is that it presents only the views of the psychodynamic [come]object relations school of psychology and largely ignores advances in other fields.Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited". ... Read more

Book Description
Feeling, Being and the Sense of Self weaves together three main threads. The first concerns identity and the significance of variations in the individuals sense of self. The second is an account of the nature and functioning of the non-verbal self, rooted in the nature of affect and the functioning of an affective appraisal mechanism, located in the brainstem and the right hemisphere of the brain. The third is a theory of narcissism, which is understood to underlie all other psychopathologies, and to follow from the functioning of the affective appraisal mechanism.

While the books origins and premises are simple, its implications and applications are far-reaching. The simple origins concern observations of certain phenomena, observable primarily in borderline, hysteric, and narcissistic states, although also very much a feature of everyday life: that the more deeply an individual feels something, the more certain, real, and true it feels to him or her, but that, paradoxically, the less of a sense of I he or she has. The clinical implications of this are enormous, and tell us a great deal about identity and the range of psychic experience and forms of relating. ... Read more