Customer Reviews (8)

Be very careful and alert
My now ex wife purchased this book for me while we were separated under the pretense that I needed to learn of sacrificial love which is covered under one of the chapters. The entire time she was sleeping around with one of her employees. I certainly learned quite a bit about sacrificial love. All I can say is please be careful, alert and don't let your spouse run all over you. There are always two parties in a marraige and in a divorce. I wish you all the best.

Changed our marriage!
Can a book really change a marriage? Yes, this book is so helpful and so practical. It is written for men to understand in a sports "language" much like Gary and Greg being my coach.

For Wife Beaters Only
This book assumes that the guy was at fault in everything.
If that's you it might help.
No advice was available for the rest of us.
DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Christianity   2. Christianity - Christian Life - General   3. Christianity - Christian Life - Marriage   4. Christianity - Christian Life - Men's Issues   5. Family & Relationships   6. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   7. Family/Marriage   8. Husbands   9. Marriage   10. Reconciliation   11. Religious aspects   12. Religious life   13. Family & Relationships / Marriage   

Customer Reviews (18)

I could feel my heart lift like I never thought I would.
before I read Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, I didn't think that I could ever lose any of the heaviness that enclosed my heart. I felt as if I gained membership into a private club and I could take comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone. It was the first time that I had a sane thought after losing our daughter Kara Jane Kaniewski - April 24, 1997. I still take out the book and reread passages that I have read over and over. The book still helps to relieve my heavy heart. I have given this book to 3 other women who have lost their children and each one has thanked me. Unfortunately the cost to get into this book club is priceless, for you have to have lost a child or known someone who has to gain admission. I want to thank Deborah L. Davis for her gift to me and my friends, for I would have surely been killed by the heaviness of my heart and the emptiness of my arms. Please read this book if you have experienced the loss of a child. You are not alone.

Written for the heart of the bereaved parent
Deborah Davis did something for me that I needed...she validated my feelings about the entire ordeal my husband and I have gone through. We made the agonizing decision to induce labor to end the pregnancy after our baby was diagnosed with a terminal birth defect. I have been feeling guilt, anger, jealousy, despair, and fear about the future. Deborah Davis touches on all these issues in this book. Interjected throughout are personal testimonies from other parents who have gone through a loss, so it helps to know others have experienced the same feelings. The author also validates the fact that a loss is a loss, no matter if the baby died before birth or after. This is SO important for the reader to be told, I know it was for me.

Nothing will bring back my baby, but this book has helped me throughout my grieving and healing process. I was hesitant about which book(s) to read, but now I know that I won't need to read anything else.

It helped me heal
I loved this book! Even though I cried through much of it, it served a useful purpose. After never wanting to have children, I had a revelation that I needed to experience the joys of motherhood. I recently had a miscarriage with my first and much wanted pregnancy. I was a mess. This book helped me get over some of the loss I felt. I still feel sad often but realize that I'm not supposed to "Just get over it, already!" The book was honest, sad, hopeful, real, and made me totally feel like I was not alone in my grief. I am hopeful and anxious to finish this book by reading the chapters about trying again, coping with a subsequent pregnancy and birth, and the other chapters I know one day I will read when I feel ready to embark on the scary but exciting journey of pregnancy. I also feel compelled to share this with anyone who has gone through the death of a child. Thank you Deborah Davis, Ph.D. for the gift of this book! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adjustment (Psychology)   2. Bereavement   3. Death, Grief, Bereavement   4. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   5. Infants & Toddlers - Infants   6. Parent and child   7. Perinatal death   8. Psychological Aspects Of Bereavement   9. Psychological aspects   10. Self-Help   

Customer Reviews (4)

No one needs to suffer!
I am a personal patient of Dr. Rosenberg and also know Dr. Greening quite well, and they are both excellent! I had a serious bout of post-partum depression after my second child and Dr. Rosenberg's approach saved me from doing a lot of harm to both myself and my family. (My obstetrician was of no value in this regard)

It is such a shame that such a common affliction is rarely talked about and even more rarely treated. Severe postpartum depression is one of those things that not every one experiences, but if it happens to you, you would sure want to be informed.

Dr. Rosenberg includes not only talk-therapy ideas, but drug therapy as well. Any kind of depression is a mood disorder and is heavily influences by hormones. And just as you would treat other medical afflictions, this one should be treated also.

Many women accept several discomforts as part of the "experience of being pregnant" (i.e. heartburn, morning-sickness, etc.). But there is no reason one should have to endure the pain of post-partum depression.

Please, for your own health, take a look at this book and keep yourself informed on the topic if you plan to get pregnant, because most obstetricians are not trained properly in this area.

An Essential Read for Pregnant and Post-partum Women
Speaking as a two-time sufferer of post-partum depression and as a professional counselor, I found "Conquering Postpartum Depression" an invaluable resource for any woman coping with the terrifying effects of PPD. It is also an essential read for their families and the health-care professionals who are treating them.

Typically, giving birth and becoming a mother is supposed to elicit feelings of joy, yet PPD evokes a sense of hopelessness, helplessness, and fear. Coupled with debilitating depression, anxiety and occasionally, suicidal thoughts, it is critical that a woman receive immediate medical attention by a psychiatrist specializing in PPD. PPD is often misunderstood and misdiagnosed and many women suffer years before finding appropriate treatment. This book provides the essentials of how to empower oneself with knowledge and receive the proper care and follow-through.

This book is written in a clear, concise and user-friendly manner. It addresses risk factors, assessment and treatment of PPD, along with the physical, psychiatric and psychosocial aspects of the illness. Effective approaches to treatment address the importance of working collaboratively with a psychiatrist and psychologist specializing in PPD, developing and maintaining a support system, and addressing parenting skills. The tone of the book is supportive and reassuring and emphasizes that with proper treatment, the prognosis for recovery is excellent. I wish I had this book 8 years ago after the birth of my twins.

Outstanding Book Therapy
This book should become a regular addition to every therapist's shelf of prescriptive reading, right along side "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix, and "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner. Parents-to-be could even place it alongside the classic baby preparation manual "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

A fairly quick, easy read, this book truly captures the essence of the issues associated with postpartum depression, and presents the clinical side of the picture in very clear, accessible language. At the same time, anecdotes are used to paint very personal pictures of the entire gamut of emotional experiences often associated with childbirth. These examples help women answer the question, "Is this normal?", and determine when they may need additional assistance in coping with their emotional upheaval, dispelling many of the myths associated with child birth and the post-natal period along the way. The program outlined to manage the clinical condition known as "postpartum depression" is comprehensive and well-balanced, offering sufferers a proven recovery system. My one complaint is that all too often, this kind of comprehensive assessment and treatment is not routinely offered, and the reader should be warned that they may well have to educate themselves and, especially, to demand that they be taken seriously and that all aspects of the condition be addressed as thoroughly as Dr. Rosenberg and his co-authors suggest. The greatest strength of this book lies in its warm, reassuring tone, which normalizes the postpartum emotional experience for most women, and gently encourages others to recognize when they truly need assistance and to seek help when necessary.

Definitely a strong addition for the self-help literature on a widely (and sadly!) misunderstood topic. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Childbirth   2. Depression   3. Diet / Health / Fitness   4. Family/Marriage   5. Health & Fitness   6. Mental Depression   7. Postpartum depression   8. Pregnancy & Childbirth   9. Treatment   10. Women's Health - General   11. Parenting & Childcare   

Proper attachment is the most fundamental issue in a successfuladoption, but what exactly does the term mean? Attaching in Adoptionanswers that question thoroughly, and it provides solutions to a variety ofspecific attachment problems.

Along with technical explanations of challenges such as self-esteem, childhoodgrief, and limit-testing, the book includes a tremendous number of personalvignettes illustrating attachment-related situations. Parents who are convincedthat only their child has ever behaved a certain way are sure to take comfort inthese stories; not only do they include kids from all backgrounds and agegroups, but each has an ultimately happy ending. The emotional health of thewhole family is also paramount according to the book--with plenty of rest and"alone time," caregivers are more likely to be emotionally available when theyare most needed.

Because Attaching in Adoption focuses on special needs, families who arecoming together through foster programs, at later ages, or across cultural lineswill find it especially helpful. Both psychologically detailed andstraightforwardly helpful, it can be of equal benefit to counselors and parentsalike. --Jill Lightner ... Read more

Customer Reviews (11)

Attaching in Adoption
If you only plan to read one book about adoption, make it this one! It covers pretty much everything you would need to know about the emotional impact of adoption, from infancy to adulthood. It is an intense book, both in terms of its emotional content (some of the case studies are heart-wrenching) and its depth of information. The author really knows her stuff, both from extensive reading of the research literature and from many years of personal experience as a therapist. She covers the various stages of attachment, what kids need to attach well, what happens when the process goes wrong, and what to do to help kids make healthy attachments to their new families. Even if you are adopting an infant and don't expect any problems, this book will help you make the attachment process as smooth as possible. There is also extensive discussion of the issues adoptive kids experience later on, such as the search for identity, fantasies about who their birth parents really were and whether they will be reunited, grief over losing parents, etc. It is ultimately a very positive book, demonstrating that even seriously damaged kids can work through their issues and become happy, well-adjusted adults, and anyone who had a rocky relationship with their own parents will probably find some surprising insights here -- poor attachment can happen in any family. Required reading!

Excellent Book
...this is the best book ever written on adoption related issues. This book is full of examples and helpful advice that parents can actually use. This is a must-read book for current or would-be adoptive parents.

Must Read for All Adoptive Parents
As the parent of 2 adopted children, one who attached easily and one who is proving to be more of a challenge, this book is one that I feel our agency should make required reading. It is not only for those parents of older adoptees, but I found much that was helpful for our 14 month old son. Beyond the obvious helpful ideas and explanations, this book served to help "normalize" this experience for me, and helped me feel less like we are living in our own little hell at the moment. Reading the real-life stories provided me with several "ahh haa" moments, and I now feel much better equipped to handle my son's behavior and understand this is more of a "Long Haul" than a "Quick Fix", but definitely something that can be worked with and helped. This book is very in-depth and comprehensive, and for someone who is at this moment dealing with a month worth of sleepless nights, tantrums, and constant pushing away I can't think of anything more valuable that I have found to help me through this. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adopted children   2. Adoption   3. Attachment behavior in childre   4. Attachment behavior in children   5. Attachment disorder in childre   6. Attachment disorder in children   7. Family & Relationships   8. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   9. Family relationships   10. Family/Marriage   11. Parenting - General   

Customer Reviews (13)

Compassionate, gentle, and reassuring
This is the first review I've ever written for Amazon.com, although I often shop here. I felt compelled to write because I felt that a recent review totally missed the mark about this wonderful book. The authors have done an incredible job, in my opinion, of balancing information with emotional support. They include quotes and stories from dozens and dozens of parents who have been through the death of a baby and who have somehow found the courage to try again. (BTW -- I didn't take "trying again" to imply a previous failure at all. To me, it merely refered to trying to conceive after a loss. I didn't find the title offensive in the least.) And as for the reviewer's comment about the book being potentially offensive to a pro-life reader, that comment is totally off the mark. There are one or two stories of women who made the heartwrenching decision to terminate, but there is never any attempt to say that this is the right or wrong decision. I thought the authors were very balanced in their discussion of this difficult and emotionally loaded issue.

I would urge other readers to try not to be put off by this single (and I would say unfairly harsh) review of this book. Trying Again has been a huge blessing to me during a very difficult time in my life. It makes me sad that another reader fails to appreciate what a wonderful gift these authors have given the world in writing this book.

A Reassuring Read
Having just lost a baby to stillbirth, I ordered this book in hopes to trying to conceive again. It is a reassuring book for those of us who have lost a baby and anxiously want to try again, but are nervous and scared. The author addresses all the fears you encounter in a subsequent pregnancy and also offers a lot of tangible information. I'd certainly recommend this book to a mother who has experienced a loss and wants to try again. Now, wish me luck in conceiving!

Someone understood
One of the most difficult things about losing a baby through miscarriage or stillbirth (I've been through both) is dealing with the insensitive comments of friends and family members who simply do not understand the depth of your grief about the baby who died, or the extent of your anxiety as you embark upon a subsequent pregnancy. It was wonderful to stumble upon a resource like "Trying Again" that acknowledged my emotions and provided me with detailed answers to all the medical questions that were troubling me during this difficult time in my life. This book is truly incredible and I highly recommend it to other bereaved parents. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   2. Family/Marriage   3. General   4. Health & Fitness   5. Infants (Newborn)   6. Miscarriage   7. Mortality   8. Pregnancy   9. Pregnancy & Childbirth   10. Stillbirth   11. Family & Relationships   

Customer Reviews (2)

really really really really good. really.
I cannot express how much this book has helped me understand what's going on in my family. A lot of arguments in my family center around who said what, how they said it, and why they said it. And Tannen provides almost all of the tools necessary for us to even think about reconciling.

This really is an enlightening book. What it does do, is explain what goes on in a particular aspect of any family - she explains how family arguments and conversations work, why some things are said but other left unsaid, and provides some suggestions and advice for going back and fixing some of those misunderstandings. She provides a really comprehensive overview of whole family setups, organizations, and tons of possible situations.

She doesn't say "here's how to fix your problems - they shall all be solved". She can't - she's not your own psychologist. But there is so much information to work with, that for a majority of families this will definitely provide a really good and solid basis for reconciling, and even allowing family members to start talking to each other civily again.

Tannen has done tons of research, and provides many examples from all types of families throughout the whole book - grandparents, partners, families with children, families without children, cross-culture families, etc.. I do have to completely agree with another reader that the examples Tannen gives could have been plucked straight from my life. I found one line in particular that could actually explain away years of misunderstanding between two whole branches of my family, myself included. It's also a very fast read - I read it through in just a few days, and I'm a slow reader.

If anyone in your family is even remotely having difficulties talking to others in your family, you should buy this book. I can't tell you how much it's helped me already. Had to buy two more copies of the book for other family members to "borrow".

Insight into "enemy camp?"
This book is one I will reread over and over again. I wanted to highlight everything because the innumerous examples could have been plucked right out out of my own life.

Deborah Tannen explains so logically how linguistics can cause all types of mixed messages during an interaction with someone. Even when our intentions are good, it's now easy to see how we could be misinterpreted and how fights and long held grudges could be avoided or amended.

Because of this book, I now have an objective, aerial view of situations before they get out of hand with flying accusations. Deborah Tannen has given me insight into "enemy camp" and I realize now that someone I perceive as my enemy, may not be after all. That's a huge relief and a sure recipe for less painful drama in my life. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Communication in the family   2. Family   3. Family & Relationships   4. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   5. Family Relationships   6. Family/Marriage   7. Parent & Adult Child   8. Family & Relationships / Family Relationships   

Customer Reviews (3)

A book to read at your baby's bedside, and many years later
As the mother of a daughter born three months prematurely (now 3 and 1/2) I find this book to be insightful, full of information, parents' stories and reflections, and true to many aspects of my experience. When my daughter was in the NICU, and during the earlier days at home, I yearned for such a book. It would have helped me cope with the complexity of the NICU and aftermath. I would have taken it to the NICU and read it by my daughter's bedside! Now, several years later, this book provides solace, perspective, and a way to process an intense experience with more information and comfort. I highly recommend this book to families and professionals interested in fostering a more human and informed approach to coping with prematurity.

Mother of a preemie and a professional
As a professional, an instructor, and most importantly, the mother of a son born prematurely, I found this to be a remarkable book. Drs. Davis and Stein gently guide the reader through difficult emotions while simultaneously offering words of comfort, hope, healing and reassurance. For the parent in the midst of a NICU experience, the book's layout allows the reader to find the support she or he needs, without becoming overwhelmed with information she or he may not find useful or helpful to her or his particular crisis or triumph. As a mother, I found myself crying in recognition with many of the parent quotes. As a professional therapist, I have found a new resource to offer my clients. As an instructor, I will encourage students to add this work to their list of "must haves". I highly recommend this book for parents, grandparents, friends of the familes of premature infants as well as professionals interested in prematurity

Really helped me and my husband
I am very glad that I found this book. When you have a premature baby, you feel so alone. The stories from other parents in this book helped me share my grief, even if it was with people that I had never met in a book. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Care   2. Child Care/Parenting   3. Children with Special Needs   4. Family & Relationships   5. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   6. Infants & Toddlers - Infants   7. Infants (Premature)   8. Parent and child   9. Parenting - General   10. Pregnancy & Childbirth   

Customer Reviews (3)

Great resource for working with young children
If you are a teacher, daycare worker, or just like to have a lot of ideas for young children you will love this book! Jackie Silberg and Pam Schiller have compiled a collection of over 700 children's rhymes, songs, poems, fingerplays and chants. What a wonderful nostalgic trip as I turned through the pages and read rhymes and chants that I have not heard since my early childhood. Jumprope chants, skipping songs, songs for hand clapping games, they are all here. Examples include Aiken Drum, Baby Bumblebee, the Bear Went Over the Mountain, The Cow, Dr. Foster Went to Gloucester, Five Little Ducks, Going on a Bear Hunt, I Have a Loose Tooth, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, Over in the Meadow, Sippin' Cider Through a Straw, and Zum Gali Gali. Each of the items is followed by a Theme Connection to allow you to quickly apply the song or chant to a particular theme such as counting, chickens, cooking, pets, emotions, or families. While most people would have no problem figuring out a theme to which they apply, the advantage here is that not only are the songs and chants listed alphabetically in the index, but there is also a thematic index to allow you to quickly find an appropriate song or chant. "The Complete Book of Rhymes, Songs, Poems, Fingerplays, and Chants" is a very highly recommended purchase for anyone dealing with young children.

A Wonderful Resource
I think this book is great. It is a massive collection of the old, the favorite, and all those songs and rhymes that are on the tip of your tongue, but you can't remember. This is a book to buy and keep handy, both for teachers and for parents. You will be able to grab it and quickly find what you are looking for.

This would also be a great gift for new parents or teachers.

Very disappointed; very old fashion; the same old stuff.
I have attended workshops with Silberg and thought her stuff to be fairly good. This book was a lot of money for a lot of older material; which has not even been changed to bring it forward for today! It was disappointing and disheartening! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Anthologies   2. Chants   3. Child Care   4. Children's 4-8 - Fiction - General   5. Children's poetry, American   6. Children's poetry, English   7. Family & Relationships   8. Family/Marriage   9. Finger play   10. General   11. Nursery rhymes   12. Parenting - General   

Customer Reviews (4)

Important if you're a parent
I saw Deborah Roffman speak before I read this book. When she told us that her students (she teaches at a local private school) call her "the sex lady," I wasn't surprised. When she explained some of today's kids' (we're talking kids, not even teens) attitudes about sex, sexuality, and sexual activity, I was very surprised.

I've always considered myself enlightened and pretty progressive, but when it comes to what our kids are thinking and doing, I felt like a Puritan. According to Ms. Roffman, the roles that we as a society thrust on our kids put them under an incredible amount of pressure about themselves, their sexuality, and their values.

This book is written just the way Ms. Roffman speaks -- frankly, straightforwardly, and plainly, with no holds barred. If you're the parent of a pre-teen or teen, or know a pre-teen or teen, you should put this book near the top of your must-read list.

a wonderful read
This book was, in a word, brilliant. Roffman shines in her first published book. Witty and insightful, it should be on every parent's bookshelf.

How to talk about sex - for teachers as well as parents!
Teachers as well as parents will welcome this excellent book that explains children's sexuality education needs at each stage of development. Deborah Roffman is a powerful advocate for children, understanding that in a society that gives confusing and exploitative messages about sexuality, children are desperate for communication from the caring adults in their lives. The book is full of specific examples, often humorous, of difficult situations and questions from Roffman's life as a parent and teacher. Her responses are models of simplicity and good sense. Every adult commited to helping young people develop into sexually healthy adults will want a copy of this book. It provides remarkably clear guidelines for how to do it! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adolescence - Sexuality   2. Child Care   3. Family & Relationships   4. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   5. Family/Marriage   6. Parenting - General   7. Parenting & Childcare   

Customer Reviews (1)

A wonderful book--and not just for parents of young children
This is a wonderful book--informative and easy to read, which is pretty impressive for a topic that makes most parents uncomfortable: talking with our children about sex. Roffman understands that sex education does not begin or end with learning about periods and puberty in fifth or sixth grade--she offers insightful guidelines for discussing important issues at different ages. My daughter is out of the target age range for this book (she's eleven) but I found the book very useful anyway, helping me understand the lessons I missed along the way and giving good basic information and ideas for communicating it. Read it! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Family & Relationships   2. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   3. Family/Marriage   4. Parenting - General   5. Parenting   6. Childcare   

Customer Reviews (24)

Not as much practical advice as I was looking for.
Though I wholeheartedly agree with the philospohy of this book and am thankful it's out there to educate more people, I was looking for more detailed practical information on co-sleeping. As I have often found with "attachment-parenting" related books, they spend a good deal of ink on the philospohy. It's like preaching to the choir -- I'm already onboard, just tell me what I need to know to do it!

The author does get to this toward the end of the book, but her advice is strictly from her own experience. I think she also paints an overly rosey picture of the family bed and her own experience sounds too good to be true. I had this image that co-sleeping would involve waiting til my baby showed signs of tiredness, then simply nursing her off to sleep, slipping away to have an hour or so to myself or with my husband in the evening, then slipping back into bed, maybe nursing again before drifting off, until the next time she awoke for a feed. HA! Though I love having my baby close and nursing her, don't think that co-sleepig will mean getting baby off to bed is a breeze; or that they will stay asleep (or even in the bed for that matter) before you've come to bed for the night. Nor are you likely to you "sleep through" night nursings while Dad sleeps soundly next to you and babe. The book fails to mention the reality of many of these scenarios. She also says her babies never cried at night, but does she mean all-out wailing or the very common wimpering as they stir at night to be cuddled up again, or nursed back to sleep? It should also be explained that it is very common for breastfed babies to want to nurse for a looong time when they go to sleep, and to nurse back to sleep when they wake up at night, and that you will probably do this *quite* a bit in the family bed. Knowing this in advance would've helped me accept the reality of co-sleeping, instead of thinking I was actually going to get more sleep and that my baby would never cry at night.

I didn't find enough suggestions for some of my practical concerns like: should I keep the newborn baby right next to me for nursing, or keep a little space between us for her safety? Then when she got older, how to help baby to sleep when she doesn't fall asleep nursing, nor wants to be held, but rather flops all around the bed for an hour or more, while I try to keep her from rolling off the bed; and how to keep her safely contained on the bed when I'm not in the bed; how to keep warm without smothering the baby in bed linens; what is the best breathable bed pad to keep you and baby dry...and so on.

I found the book to be a good inspiration and somewaht insightful on parenting matters. However, if you're looking for tips on the little things that will ease your mind and make the family bed comfortable for your family, you may have to learn mostly by trial and asking as many people as you can who co-sleep, what works for them.

WELL-RESEARCHED AND SANE ADVICE FROM AN EXPERIENCED MOTHER
This book has been around for 10 years, though maybe not in the U.S. The author openly summarises (well, re-writes) Jean Liedhoff's The Continuum Concept, just putting it in a contemporary British context. Most useful sections are on touching (eg. on why swaddling is always a poor substitute for a mother's skin), breast-feeding "failures" (women having lost so much confidence in their ability to feed their baby, a peculiarly western condition) and practical advice on how to avoid cracked nipples, engorgemnt etc - i.e. constant feeding, most importantly, night feeding. All chapters point to one given, that you must have your baby in bed with you at night. She even changes her doctor's mind on the subject, so beware, she'll probably change yours if you are a sceptic or have never tried it!

If you are afraid that "wearing" your baby will give you a bad back and will make you a martyr, read this book. The author states that her baby felt lighter at 8 months than at 8 days!!

The best sections are at the end, Practically Speaking (common questions answered) and Yes, but... (common accusaitons of co-sleeping rebutted).

Really good present for any new parent who is not getting a decent night's sleep.

the best night's sleep
I found this book particularly interesting for it's background of the misguided history behind the Western tradition of putting children down to bed by themselves. It also contains narrative of the author's personal experiences with her own children.
The book also addresses naysayers (such as have been in the news in 2003) in its criticism of how data is being collected and interpreted by researchers.

I can't believe that some other readers are reporting this book useless simply because it doesn't tell you exactly how far from your body you should place the baby nor report which brand of this-and-that you should purchase!

This is not an instruction manual because it thoughtfully presumes that the reader will employ some instinct and good sense before sharing her bed. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Family & Relationships   2. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   3. Family/Marriage   4. General   5. Infants & Toddlers - Infants   6. Parenting - General   7. Family & Relationships / Child Development   

Customer Reviews (4)

Great tips for all ages
This is an all ages book on how children learn and how parents can help them -- what to do and not do. Let me quote: "Although this book focuses on children from babyhood through elementary school, its general principles and recommendations apply to children of all ages, and even to adults. Everyone can follow the self-motivation model you will read about in upcoming chapters: the cycle of working hard, persisting to overcome obstacles, and being energized to do more by the feelings of pleasure brought by newly gained confidence." It's based on the latest research. This book opened my eyes to the inadequacy of my own education: I worked for grades, not to learn. I made great grades, but what did I learn? Not much. Even now, I have bad "learning" skills. My curiosity has been quashed by the desire to perform and get the job done. This book also covers choosing schools, toys, "getting smart" instead of "being smart," the harmfulness of grades and competition. Also included is what to say and not say to your child. This book will stay on my shelf for years!

Stellar
This book is, without question, the best book available for anyone who is a parent (or intends to eventually become a parent) and wants to preserve or increase their children's intrinsic motivation to learn. If you want children to WANT to learn, to learn WELL, to ENJOY learning, and to CONTINUE learning even after their schooling has ended, there is no finer book than this one. It also will be a fantastic contribution for any person who teaches or intends to eventually teach. I recommend this without question!!

SUPER REFERENCE FOR PARENTS
This book answers a lot of questions I've had about parenting. It has good sections on how and when to use rewards, when and how to praise your kids, when you should tell them "Do this now!" and when you should let go. I especially liked a chapter on intelligence where they explain why it's better to emphasize that intelligence isn't a fixed quality. I had never thought about this before but found that it is useful for keeping your kids encouraged in school.

I found that I already do some of the things this book recommends - like reading to my children -- but that they also suggested interesting ways to "stop nagging" my kids yet still have them do their homework, ways to help them do well on standardized tests yet face them calmly, and ways to ensure their self-esteem. One thing I found especially useful was two chapters on choosing schools. They give very specific instructions on how to judge a preschool and what to look for when you visit elementary schools. It gave me a list of questions to ask take when I looked at a preschool for my son recently, so I feel now that I can make decisions based on research and not just instinct.

The best thing about this book is that is a good read. There are lots of examples and suggestions for what to do and what to say, even a quiz to give yourself. This is a book I would definitely give at baby showers, because it's a guide you can refer to from babyhood onward. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Child Care/Parenting   2. Child Development   3. Child rearing   4. Education   5. Educational Psychology   6. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   7. Motivation (Psychology)   8. Motivation in education   9. Parent Participation   10. Parenting - General   11. Parents And Education   

Customer Reviews (1)

Great for therapists working with kids who have disabilities
This book provides an overview of typical play development, a checklist to evaluate a child's play skills, and suggestions for addressing play deficits. This book would be helpful for parents or therapists working with children who have autism or other developmental disabilities. It would also be of use to parents or professionals who run playgroups. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Child Care/Parenting   2. Child development   3. Early Childhood Education   4. Education, Preschool   5. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   6. General   7. Play   8. Psychotherapy - Child & Adolescent   

Subjects:  1. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   2. Fertility, Human   3. Health & Fitness   4. Health and hygiene   5. Health/Fitness   6. Infertility   7. Middle aged women   8. Popular works   9. Pregnancy & Childbirth   10. Women   11. Medical / Gynecology & Obstetrics   

Customer Reviews (1)

Inspirational and Real
_You Look too Young to Be a Mom_ is a collection of essays that manages to be inspirational while avoiding mere sentimentality. A diverse group of voices is represented in the collection. The writer of one essay could be the kid next door, while the writer of another may come from a completely different region--both of the country and of mind. As a whole, the collection serves up wisdom, heart, humor, pain, and perspective, each in its turn. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Age Groups   2. Family & Relationships   3. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   4. Family/Marriage   5. Motherhood   6. Parenting - General   7. Self-realization   8. Social Institutions   9. Teenage mothers   10. Teenage pregnancy   11. Teenagers   12. United States   13. Unmarried mothers   14. Women's Studies - General   

Customer Reviews (9)

This book TERRIFIED ME!
I am 12 weeks pregnant with twins, and this book has scared the bejesus out of me. These women had nothing but horror stories to tell - from being unable to exercise, walk, have sex, to bedrest and then sleepless nights for 9 months! even to having the whole family fall apart and the twins almost resulting in a divorce! While I realize this will be harder than my singleton pregnancies and births (which were incredibly easy), I don't appreciate being scared out of my wits.

It was MY security blanket
For what this book proports to do: tell anecdotes of what it is like to be pregnant with twins, bring them into the world, and mother them for the first couple of years...it succeeds.

I stumbled upon this book mid-pregnancy with my fraternal twin boys, our only kids, in the summer of 1993 when it was first published. Because no one else I knew had twins, I depended upon these women's stories to guide me along. I found it very reassuring and reaffirming. I wish I had one now that my boys are about to turn seven and I have questions about schools and socialization. Let's face it..it isn't a clinical resource, it's a support group in book form for the sometimes isolating and ever-challenging adventure of mothering twins.

This is a very negative portrayal of caring for twins.
I was so depressed by this book that I stopped reading it halfway through for about a week. I also told my husband that after the babies arrive we will never have any fun again ever. Since I know several families with twins, I know that this is not the case. But it sure feels like it while reading this book.

While I feel that it is useful to have eyewitness accounts of the reality of caring for twins, I felt this book was pretty much a summary of the worst of everything most of us know already, that it is a lot of work, a lot of sleeplessness, a lot of demands, etc.

I also felt that there was not a whole lot of useful information about the specifics of caring for twin babies. The most useful info seemed to me to apply to handling the relationships between the twins when they are older, as well as relationships with older siblings.

None of the contributors returned to work full time while their children were very young. The sections on finding childcare were therefore of limited value.

Finally, since 2 of the contributors were mothers of identical twins, some discussion of special issues related to identical twins would have been useful. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Child Care   2. Child Care/Parenting   3. Child rearing   4. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   5. Family And Child Development   6. Motherhood   7. Parenting - General   8. Twins   9. Family & Relationships / Child Care   

The parent battle cry of this book's title says it all: What Did IJust Say!?! offers solace and suggestions for hair-pulling parents who arenot getting cooperation, respect, or acceptable behavior from their youngchildren. Drawing upon years of clinical experience, psychiatrist Denis Donovanand child therapist Deborah McIntyre explore miscommunication as the reason whygood kids continue to behave in ways opposite to what parents ask. As theauthors explain, "Parents have a tendency to say things very different from whatthey really mean. And kids have logical antennas, tuning in to what adults sayliterally and logically." This problem leads to a two-step solution. First,parents must learn to say what they mean, and then they can understand how theinner world of their child's experience and thinking is different from that ofadults.

Parents will chuckle and cringe with recognition as Donovan and McIntrye examineineffective parent perennials such as "How many times do I have to tell you tobehave?" They use these statements of frustration as lesson plans for teachingparents how they fail to convey what they really want--and how they can clearlystate what they mean. More important, the authors invite parents to listen witha child's ear to gain insight about why the answer, "I give up, how many timesdo you have to tell me to behave?" is a logical rather than disrespectfulanswer.

The authors spotlight a variety of behavioral strategies including how tocapture a child's attention and understand their "attentional style," avoidtuning out and serial forgetting, set boundaries and cope with sadness andanger. Several chapters detail a communication technique for focused one-to-oneconversations called "The Five Minutes". Occasionally, Donovan and McIntryeoffer general descriptions rather than hands-on suggestions. But overall, theyconvince readers that parents who learn to say what they mean and understandchildren on their own terms, will not have to issue multiple commands to put onpajamas tonight. --Barbara Mackoff ... Read more

Customer Reviews (9)

GET IT and get spares for your friends, LOVE IT!
This book is amazing. If you have problems with your boys (OK kids) you must get this. I thought I was the most emotionally available and "tuned-in" parent. After reading the first few chapters, I used the skills I leared in this book. My older one had been whining in the mornings about not wanting to go to school. I gently commanded him to tell me WHY (I didn't ASK, I COMMANDED him to tell me- lovingly)in the ways I learned in the book. He told me that he was embarassed because he couldn't open his tupperware at snacktime. I had the same morning scene EVERY MORNING until that day, and that was the end of it! I use this book EVERY DAY now. It is an easy read, and you will get results after just a few chapters. I had no parenting issues that I wanted to fix, but my sister had an appt. with the author without knowing he had a book (a Dr. referral, he's in Tampa, FL). I looked it up on Amazon and it was interesting. I got it and it's LOVE! GET IT, but be ready to take responsibility for your kids' problems and take initiative to change the way you speak to them. If you can, it'll be easy, SO EASY. If you are looking for an external reason for your kids' problems you can easily find that elsewhere.

Number 1 book on Parenting
Dr. Spock and all the others have nothing on this team. For the first time after reading and implementing parenting methods I have finally found one that truly works. The changes in our family are remarkable. In a world full of self help books on parenting, it is very confusing as to what is right, wrong or simply ineffective. This book however is not only effective but will teach parents common sense things we just could not see on our own. It is simple and even obvious now. Wonderful parenting guide for any parent whether working through a crisis or just wanting to make sure you and your child start out in the right direction. Its never to late to make a change and its not only effective, the results are quick and rewarding. Our quaility of family life has surpassed my wildest dreams!! Frued has been surpassed. We recommend this book to all of our friends, and to anyone reading this review. You will be amazed and grateful. Thanks Denis and Deborah!

What did I just say?
This book has changed my life, it has given the spoken language new clarity from the eyes of the young. I now have control of how words are spoken, interperted and understood, before I always assumed my child understood what I meant. My children have responded very well to this easy to follow and understand guide. We have also been fortunate enough to be in therapy with Dr. Donovan for the past 1 1/2, as we live in St Petersburg, Fl. Read the book, absorb the book, implement the book and change your world and your childs. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Child Development   2. Communication in the family   3. Family & Relationships   4. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   5. Family Relationships   6. Family/Marriage   7. Interpersonal communication in children   8. Parent and child   9. Parenting - General   10. Reference   11. Family & Relationships / Parenting   

"Everything we say to each other echoes with meanings left over from our past experience--both our history talking to the person before us at this moment and our history talking to others," says Deborah Tannen, one of the world's most famous linguists. We react not only to the message, but to the "metamessage": our interpretation of the unstated meaning, based on tone, relationship, and our past associations. Add in the connections and control issues among family members, and it's no wonder families have so much trouble understanding each other!

I Only Say This Because I Love You is aimed mostly at adult family interactions. Professor Deborah Tannen, the popular author of You Just Don't Understand, uses anecdotes filled with dialogues to illustrate why we hear criticism when the other person meant to convey caring, how family members create alignments with secrets and broken confidences, the dynamics of arguments, the power of apologies, gender patterns in family talk, and communication with teens. You're bound to recognize your family members--and yourself!--in Tannen's examples.

You won't find quick, easy answers for improving communication in your family, but you will discover another dimension of understanding what's really going on. Now if you could just get your mother to read the book! --Joan Price ... Read more

Customer Reviews (9)

Fabulous new insights to relationships of all kinds
Chapter 1 of Tannen's latest book provides some fabulous new insights to relationships of all kinds. Her discussions of the connection-control schema and meta-messages concept allow the reader to gain new perspectives on those sometimes frustrating interactions with loved ones (or coworkers, or strangers...). The rest of the book is really just "gravy" on top of the information in Chapter 1. Wow, I loved this book-- a definite recommendation to anyone interested in better understanding relationship communication (I see my mother's "advice," formerly a source of frustration/anger, in a whole new light!).

I Only Say This to be Honest
Would that it were true that family relationships came down to the words we use when we talk to one another. Tannen tries to wrestle complex family dynamics into conversational styles, and fails dismally. Much of the "insights" are superficial, suggestions for improving relationships minimal, and the examples provided are tedious and boring. I had high hopes for this book but it provided little that was useful to me.

Solid Information, but haven't we heard it before?
I loved Tannen's _You Just Don't Understand_ because of the fresh insights it provided, so I was especially disappointed when _I Only Say This Because I Love You_ failed to provide the same feeling of discovery and excitement.

The book focuses on the frequent difference between the actual words that are spoken, and the meaning behind the words (meta-message), which is often about trying to create more connectedness or to alter the power and control dynamics of the relationship.

I found it interesting, but not revolutionary (and I'd come to expect revolutionary from Dr. Tannen).

By understanding the meta-messages both from ourselves and from others, we should have more power to address the meta-messages directly and not get involved in petty bickering and emotional responses that go nowhere except round-and-round.

Overall, I would say that the book contains useful insights and helpful advice, but for people who have already spent time analyzing their intimate relationships, there's probably not much new. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Communication   2. Communication in the family   3. Family   4. Family & Relationships   5. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   6. Family Relationships   7. Family/Marriage   8. General   9. Interpersonal Communication   10. Interpersonal Relations   11. Parent & Adult Child   12. Family & Relationships / Interpersonal Relations   

Customer Reviews (3)

Useful Activities For Developing Emotional & Social Skills
I got this book, being familiar with the HeartMath Institute and their research on mind-body topics and heart-based biofeedback applications. I have used the Freeze-Framer computer program and even developed my own way of building "coherent" pulse patterns, supplementing Childre's music and appreciative heart center emotional focus with "toning" - like what Robert Monroe would refer to as resonant tuning. This book by Childre provides a variety of activities for different youth age ranges, focusing on using emotional skills that enhance coping abilities, empathy, and appreciation. As a counselor, I have used a few similar activities with elementary school-aged children. Unlike most other social/emotional skill activity guides for children, this book focuses on connecting the emotions with the body (heart). Knowing that mind and body are aspects of a holistic whole, this is a superior approach to more limited conventional approaches. Some of the activities in this book I think need some tweaking to be more engaging or inviting for resistant and impatient children, while others are pretty simple and likely to quickly get children engaged and practicing positive emotional skills. I would recommend that readers learn about the HeartMath programs and research, and even try the "Freeze-Framer" pulse monitor on themselves, as most people typically have pretty incoherent pulse patterns, which are typical of our emotionally unhealthy civilization and lifestyles, leading to the massive pandemic of heart diseases in our society. Our civilization presents social patterns that fuel poor coping skills and heart disease - we don't teach kids meditation, breathing, or positive attitudinal skills, instead focusing on punishment and guilt-inducement when children don't please adults. Caretakers put more energy into punitive discipline and verbal chastisement than into modeling appreciation. Then, the model for handling unpleasant emotions in our culture is dominated by drugs - including stimulants and depressants, both illegal/recreational and prescription. By the time most people are middle aged their hearts begin to weaken from this burden of emotional trauma, suppression, and substance abuse, not to mention the junk food diets that are also used to momentarily sooth unpleasant feelings. Doc Childre should be commended for his efforts to help people build positive emotional skills and coping behaviors, starting in childhood.

The missing link in education
This book fills a big lacuna in education. It is not enough to talk about love. Lucky are the parents and teachers who now have such lesson plans to teach children and adolescents in an active and fun way to develop their inner resources to become loving and geuninely caring, without overcare. The three basic HeartMath tools of HEART LOCK-IN, FREEZE-FRAME and CUT-THRU and numerous interpersonal skills are taught through the activities. [Please confer my other reviews of Doc Childre's books, starting with Cut-Thru.] I have been recommending this book to hundreds of parents, school-heads and teachers and have heard of very favorable responses. The HeartMath materials will certainly have much to contribute to humankind.

Teaching Children to Love
I feel I must begin this review by letting readers know that I do have a close association with HeartMath and Doc Childre in that I co-authored another book, The HeartMath Solution with Doc. With that said I still feel compelled, whether somewhat biased or not, to share my perspectives about Teaching Children to Love.

Doc puts great emphasis on the need to better educate children in the area of mental and emotional self managment. The 80 games and activities he developed for this book do excatly that. The games are intelligently organized, easy to teach children and they are effective.For anyone who works with kids, whether it be a parent, grand parent or child care provider, I can safely say that this is as good a resource as I have seen for helping young people develop the skills they need to navigate these challenging times. It was created from care and it shows.

Howard Martin ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Activities   2. Child Care/Parenting   3. Child Development   4. Child Development And Rearing   5. Child rearing   6. Creative activities and seat w   7. Creative activities and seat work   8. Family & Relationships   9. Family / Parenting / Childbirth   10. Games   11. General   12. Love   13. Parenting - General   

Subjects:  1. Administration - General   2. Child Care/Parenting   3. Children and violence   4. Classroom environment   5. Conflict management   6. Education / Teaching   7. Prevention   8. Study and teaching (Elementary)   9. United States